Overall:
A nice piece which is a marked improvement from earlier work. There are a few minor structural issues, but aside from that a well rounded piece.
Introduction:
The introduction is slow, but the piece is not a quick-pace full-action work, and so it sets the mood well.
Plot
The plot is intriguing. I can see how this would fit in with the remainder of Marco's work. The only point I would make to the plot would be the availability to twist and turn the story. It is a little too direct. Perhaps with a little buffering and more speech it would leave me guessing as to what was happening next. Otherwise well written
Structure:
A few grammatical errors, but those can be ironed out the more it is worked on. It is also a little confusing who is speaking at times. It would be good to see breaks in paragraphs for speech. Additionally, timeframes do seem to fly by with careless abandon. However, when this is linked up in a full sized novel, I can see that the this could be padded out with cliff-hangers and links, almost in a all bad things come at once' scenario that the hero will have to overcome.
Content:
The content is good and strong. I can envision the situation.
Characters:
The character is taking form. He has already developed from a slightly confusing blur to a confused and desperate man. In his speech you can taste the despair and a little cynicism
Emotions:
Strong emotions here. Humour, fear, despair, humiliation, resignation, confusion and a whole host more. However, I would say that it is difficult to tell what we are meant to feel for the character, pity or humour. The mixture is difficult, but I guess black humour sort of fits.
Conclusion:
Nice ending, if a little clichéd. However in light of the slightly humoristic tone, a cliché is harmless here.
Ratings:
Introduction 4/5
Plot 4/5
Structure 3/5
Content 4.5/5
Characters 4/5
Emotions 3/5
Conclusion 4/5
Overall 4/5
Good work Marco! I can see greater things coming from you in the very near future! |