This is an excellent story with a depth of detail. With that said the perspective that the story is told from is confusing and off putting. It is obvious that you were trying to tell the story in first person because you start out in with "I" however when you refer to the second character with "you" outside of speech or thought you make it seem like you are referring to the reader as that character making the story confusing.
I have noticed the overwhelming number of shrinking stories on this site. With that said I am impressed at the depth and detail put into this one. Most shrinking stories that I come upon lack true story telling and leave me disappointed with the lack of forethought. But not this one.
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