I liked your story, it was folksy, historical (rings a bell) with a nice wrap at the end. Aside from some typos and paragraph formatting problems, it was structurally fine. Nothing that a bit more editing won't take care of.
I couldn't get over the feeling that it was more of an expositional essay combined with some poetic license told by an old timer. While this was done well, I look forward to you moving away from the shaggy dog jokes and old timer stories to something more daring. Clearly you write well; you should stretch yourself more.
This was a good little yarn. It read like a different version of a shaggy dog story. The dialogue moved along at a good click. I should have seen the ending coming. LOL!!!! An enjoyable read.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this poem, particularly the first one implying aging suddenly falling upon the protagonist all at once. There is sad wistfulness but a quite grim resignation as s/he waits in the car, watching life continue on.
I don't know much about the "rules" of poetry, not writing poetry myself, but I know what I like and I like this. Very well done. Hoping to see more work. :)
Judiang
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