One sentence review summary: A nice little piece of flash fiction
Favorite line(s) from the piece:
And we are still paying off the county for that emergency call
Ah, yes, the cautious wife with her SCR (Specific Consequence Reminder)... I love this. It reminds me of my mom "Remember when you tried to..."
New vocabulary/the most beautiful words in the piece:
“Why are you decked out in your paraphernalia?”
For some reason, people don't use the word paraphernalia in everyday language anymore. I wonder if it has something to do with the so-called "war on drugs." Truthfully, the place I see the word written most often in the newspaper.
How it made me feel: It's a light-hearted little slice of everyday life.
Possible Improvements: N/A
Additional Comments: I'm sorry I don't have any critique to offer. I enjoyed this.
One sentence review summary: This is an adorable story!
Favorite line(s) from the piece:
Somewhere, some lucky customer opened a chocolate egg and found a thousand dollar engagement ring.
New vocabulary/the most beautiful words in the piece:
“Very well, fair lady. Your knight accepts the challenge and will undertake the quest.”
How it made me feel: I come from a lower-middle-class family, so I admit I feel bad for Gil's lost engagement ring, but it did bring on a warm smile on a chilly night.
I am certain there is an amazing story here, but it's hidden in all the grammatical errors. Correct capitalization and punctuation are very necessary if people are to understand what you are trying to say. I would love to read it again once it's been edited!
Looks like the beginning to an intriguing suspense thriller. My first impression before I actually go to the end of this piece was that it would need a lot of syntax work, but then I realized this is a person thinking, and that's how people think, in short bursts of incomplete sentances. I like it, and I hope there is more to come. Keep writing.
Cheers.
Julianne
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"Remember when you tried to..."
