Like you said this a rant, but I think you have the beginning of a story or what I would call a concept. I think if you wanted you could develop some characters and make a short story out of this. I write fiction, but if you read between the lines of my stories in a way you kind get to know me. Which makes writing a release as much as it is an adventure to develop a story.
In the 2nd part you wrote "some as fragile as a wrinkles of old women"
to me it would of read better like this"some as fragile as the wrinkles of an old women"
And please forgive if I'm wrong I don't know a lot about poetry.
Every thing else was really good.
I liked what I read. It seems like there should be more maybe something like a flash back to the year before, but all in all I thought this was well written.
I have been reading a book titled The Writers Survival Guide written by Rachel Simon.
It sounds like you are kind of doing what she talks about in the book, kind of naturally.
In the book she talks about taking things like fear,anger,frustration, even envy and turning those things around or maybe refocusing those feelings so that they have a positive influence on your writing. The other thing that I have been doing is trying to write every day this might not work for every one, but it has helped me. Even doing these reviews has helped me. Everyone is unique and I learn a little every day. I don't have the money for college so I'm learning to write from every one and every thing around me. Thank so much for submitting this to be reviewed.The book i mentioned helped me to refocus and the way I feel about writing if you get a chance you might want to check it out.
first before I forget in the 4th paragraph I think it should have been distance not distant if I'm wrong please ignore.Again in the 4th paragraph you wrote,"I thought of washing my face"I think it reads better if you wrote "I thought washing my face would clear my head a bit."This is very unique I really like how you finished with the poem.
You still might want to proof read again.I proof read almost every time I go back in to write on my stories and I still miss things.
I am struggling to find something to fix.All in all I think your story reads very well. All the books I have been studying say dialog,,,,dialog there were maybe a couple of places in the first part of the story where maybe secrete notes could of been passed, or maybe some of the students could be whispering to each other. Oh and in the 4th paragraph you write, "his chin in in" don't know if that was intentional or a typo. You are more than welcome to read what I have, but I'm at critical spot that hast to be written rite. So I'm taking my time kind of,"hoping to have it written by to night or tomorrow. Ignore Destiny's child I have put that story on hold for now until my writing is more developed.
I struggle with this everyday even when I'm doing the talking my mind wanders, the only thing I would like to see is just more.
Thank you, and Keep Writing!
I like what I have read so far and I'm looking forward to reading more, but be careful not to over narrate its important to try and write the story threw the characters. Being new to writing my self this seems to be one of the things I struggle with the most.
Try to write every day. Write about everything and any thing not just about the story you have started here.
Untrue is what so dislike the reasoned didn't make sense to me, but I don't have alot of experience with poetry so please forgive me for not understanding.
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