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Title: Saphire's Discovery Chapter 2
Author: Numb Hands  
Plot:.Saphire finds out she is a witch of a prophecy
Style & Voice:told in 3rd person, The writing style is simple almost fairy-tale like
Referencing: Set in modern day but a magical realm
Scene/Setting: Magical city
CharactersSaphire, mandy, Doc, Damien and Atrune
Grammar: Some punctuation errors, and there are places where wordiness takes over. Other places need more description and explaination.
Just My Personal Opinion: You need to first determine who your target audience age, and reading level is, then develop the characters so that they are real people to you before you begin to write so that we see and hear their voices clearly.
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Sentences underlined are within 5-10% in length of one another, consider a revision to improve readability.
19 Words in blue are the dreaded ly ending words/adverb. Consider using a stronger verb to eliminate the adverbs where ever possible.
Flesch reading ease: 88.1
Flesch-Kincaid grade level: 3.5
The fire ball sun in the sky shined brighter than ever high in the sky (unless this is supposed to be a planet other than Earth just call it the sun. Saying that the sun shined brighter than ever, would mean that the sun was going supernova, which would not be a good thing.) . The temperature was warm with the fiery rays. Small clouds provided just the right amount of shade. A gentle breeze cooled where is the cool breeze coming from? off the hot spots why are their hotspots? . Tulips reached up to grab the light. People sat in the grass enjoying the warmth. Everyone smiled, laughed, and had fun being together. Parents watched as their children ran. Birds chirped their songs, everybody in love, no one left out. this idyllic setting that you are describing is illogical. Not everyone could be in love, on the left out. Your main character is not in love, is she? Also it is so sickeningly sweet that it makes the reader either want to barf or to find this Oz-like place. ‘Wouldn't it be nice if the whole world could be so happy? ’ Saphire thought to herself as she relaxed in the park.
‘What could go wrong on such a beautiful day?’ remove the previous sentence because you have her thinking this is a perfect day so why would she actually think anything could go wrong unless you have her getting a premonition. Saphire lay down on the grass, and shut her eyes. Ruby eyes watched her from the bushes. The eyes belonged to a ghastly creature, with boils that covered his body and the smell of rotten meat emanated from him. I would remove this previous sentence because you're getting a description before it is needed. By removing the majority of the description and help to build tension as to what is watching the girls from the trees.
“Saphire, what’s wrong? why do you have Mandy asking her what is wrong and obviously Saphire is drowsing in the day heat? A better statement would be Saphire, wake up! ” Mandy, her best friend of twenty years, sat down next to her. here have Mandy begin to shake her friend to get her to wake up and pay attention to her. Unless this phenomenon of glowing has happened to Saphire before, Mandy should be quite alarmed by this new development.
“Nothing why?” She sat up.
“Honey look at your hands. They’re glowing,” Mandy said.
Saphire gasped as she looked at her hands. A bright violet light radiated from them. “Oh my, what is this?” obviously she's never glowed before? Because if she has this question is totally out of place. If she has any idea that she is a witch and has powers then maybe there should have been some little precursor episodes, possibly having her fingertips glowing at various times. She glanced around to see if anyone else noticed, but nobody looked twice at the two women. are all of the people in this park used to seeing other people glow like a lightning bug? If so then somewheres earlier on in need to explain that this town is not a normal human town but one of magical beings.
“Saphire. I think something evil is out here,” why does Mandy automatically jump to the idea of evil being out there? You need to have a reason for her to say this otherwise it doesn't make sense to the reader. Possibly one of those earlier fingertip glowing episodes had to do something with a minor evil and that would allow Mandy to make that kind of connection, but you need to let the reader understand Mandy's thought process. You have the luxury of writing in third person and can show both women's thoughts. Mandy said hesitantly . if Mandy truly believes that there is evil all their she would definitely not say it hesitantly!
“Hey now, just because I’m doing something weird doesn’t mean I’m evil.” Saphire was offended. I think here you'd be better off stating that Safire feels oddly, possibly with goosebumps, hair standing on end, shivers, etc. any of the devices that would normally indicate that she too felt something was wrong, rather than having her misinterpret what her friend said.
“Sweetie there are a lot of things about this world you’re not aware of yet. they have been friend's for more than 20 years but there are a lot of things that Mandy hasn't told her about the world that she's living in? This feels a bit off. If this information has been kept from her for a reason let it show in Mandy's thoughts. Please let’s go somewhere else to discuss this. I have a really bad feeling.” Mandy was pacing on the soft green grass.
“Can you explain Do you know what’s going on? Why I’m glowing like this lit up like a lantern in a lighthouse? ” Saphire stood perplexed. As she stood the grass tickled her bare feet. I would doubt very much that she would notice the grass tickling her feet and she's standing there looking like a human flashlight. Try to emphasize the feelings that she might have that would indicate that something really is wrong and that something evil is nearby.
“I may not be able to explain everything, but I know someone who can.” Mandy surveyed the entire park as she began to head toward The Wagon Wheel Dinner diner . Her floral summer dress swirled around her lean muscular legs.
“Wait.” Saphire stopped in mid stride. “Something is here, I can feel it and it is getting stronger . I have no clue what‘s going on, but I do know I can’t leave just yet.” Saphire was confused. She knew she needed to leave, however she could feel evil lurking somewhere waiting. She couldn’t leave all these people without knowing they would be okay. As much as she wanted to run away her grandmother had always taught her to protect the innocent at all costs. sentences that are highlighted in green need to be reworded. An example could be: Sapphire felt torn between the feeling of needing to flee and needing to honor her grandmothers teachings to protect the innocent at all cost. “Over here Mandy. The feeling it gets stronger when I head for the trees over there in this direction.” she said as she pointed towards a line of trees She took her friends arm. They had been close a long time. Saphire was eight years old when she first met Mandy. She came to her grandmothers for a visit, and Mandy was helping grandma hang the wash. Immediately they clicked and have been best friends since. this information about their friendship would be better given earlier rather than here. I suggest what I have highlighted in green is moved higher in this chapter.
Saphire walked straight toward the creature’s hiding place. the trees. “Yuck, what is that smell. Maybe there’s It smells like a dead animal close by .
“I have been watching you,” came a deep scratchy voice from behind the bushes. “You are not what I expected.” He revealed himself. now you can describe in some detail what this being looks like, we already know what he smells like and that he has red eyes
“M…M… Mandy, what do we do?” Saphire grabbed her friends arm. “What is this thing?” She was frightened, but she tried not to show her fear. by stuttering and grabbing Mandy's arm and asking her what that thing is it all shows her fear. Rather than doing this as the glowing of her hands intensify and creep up to her elbows. Possibly even have her eyes change color. Anything that will show that she is able to detect evil and react to it will be a good thing because the reader is going to expect her to fight this being the way you have it set up so far. So unless you want to kill your main character off in your second chapter, you need to show that she has powers that are untapped that can help her at least ward off this being.
Ruby eyes bulged out of it‘s head. we already know about his eyes, give us some other details about his looks. Is he short and fat, tall and thin, bent or crooked, one armed or six armed? He is your invention so make him unique . It wheezed with every breath, while greenish-yellow puss oozed out of the boils that covered it‘s face. “My master would like a word with you. He says you are the key to our victory. Come with me, and you shall have all the answers you desire.” the creature held out his short stubby hand as if Saphire would touch it for Saphire to take it .
“Saphire, this thing That is called a goblin. Don’t trust him. Goblins, In all my life I have never come across a good one goblin . Please, we must get out of here. even have an urgent situation here, but you have Mandy speaking in a way that shows no urgency at all. She should be saying, "Saphire we need to get the hell out of here, now!" I have no idea how to defeat it.”
“Saphire is it ? , b B eautiful name.” A stubby hand reached out to grabbed at her she spun to leave . “I shall return the favor and tell you my name, I am Atrune. I’m prince of the goblins. I wish you no harm, I’m just here to ask you to come with me to speak to my master,” He wheezed out. generally in the magical world if one knows the name of the being it gives one power over that being, so having Atrune give his name is not logical. He might brag that he is a prince of the goblins, but not give a specific name.
“I can’t go with you. Please tell your master that I do apologize, but I don’t trust that it is the best thing for me.” okay she is being too freaking polite! Gross evil creature that stink's! For crying out loud be a little rude! Saphire began to back away. She didn’t want to turn her back on the creature.
“You will be sorry witch.” Atrune he raised his arms to strike out her; his short black cape dusted the ground. what is the importance of his cape dusting the ground? If it doesn't have any real significance then pick something else about the scene that does mean something ominous!
“Saphire! Watch out,” Mandy screamed.
Saphire turned in time to avoid the black ball of mist is this ball of mist slowly floating at her, or is it coming at her like a cobra strike? How does she avoid this ball of mist -- does she duck, leap over it, jump to the side, fall to the ground or do some fancy ninja move? coming at her. “What the…” As she looked at Atrune the disgusting aggressive goblin , she knew she wouldn’t be able to leave without a fight. The trouble was she had no clue how to fight this thing. “Listen, I don’t want to fight.” right here as the reader I want to smack her upside the head for saying listen I don't want to fight. Have her yell at him that no matter what he does to her she will not go with him. At least then she is showing some spine! She is an adult woman, not a child. She continued to back away.
“I was told commanded that if you refused to come with me , I am was to destroy you. Enjoy your last moments. Oh and for your peace of mind, When I am finished with you , I will destroy the so called beautiful town of Serenity.” Atrune the goblin Prince positioned his nasty wart encrusted feet on the ground, lifted his slimy little stick-like arms above his head, and began to chant so low only his lips moved with no sound.
“Not this time.” Saphire wasn’t sure what to do, but she had taken self defense classes, and she knew she couldn’t let this thing hurt all these people. She noticed the violet light surrounding her was even brighter. “I will not let you hurt my friends.” She remembered a dream she had like this. As she closed her eyes, her subconscious took over. “You will fall now this statement lacks power. It is very anti-climactic -- either leave it out or come up with something that has some real punch to it ,” as she said this, a gigantic ball of light flew from her hands and hit Atrune directly in the chest. He flew ten feet in the air and landed with a thud on the ground. this ball of light in his flying through the air is a good description.
“You are stronger than we thought.” He grabbed his chest as he stood. “I will not let you do that again.” He started to position himself once again. His eyes closed this time; hands came together as if in prayer black lights shined through the blue slime wouldn't that pus of his hands the green? . Before he could even mutter chant Saphire hit him with another ball of magic, only this time one of his grubby hands flew away from the rest of him. new paragraph “Nooooo,” he screamed. “This is not over. We shall return.” He swathed his left arm in his cloak. is he going to leave without his hand? “Next time I will watch as you suffer.” Atrune He snapped the slimy blue fingers on his right hand, and disappeared in a black ball of dust.
“Saphire, are you okay?” Mandy ran to Saphire’s side just in time to catch her. “Saphire, oh God, please wake up,” she cried.
Mandy picked Saphire up, thankful she had listened to her mother and started going to the gym, and headed for the Wagon Wheel Diner. ‘Doc will know what to do,’ she thought to herself. Mandy turned onto Honey Street, and noticed the newer Avalanche parked in front of the diner. ‘Should I still take her there? What if the stranger isn’t a good one? Forget it I have to get her help now. I will have to take my chances.’
“Doc!” Mandy burst into the diner. “Doc, I need your help now,” She yelled.
“Mandy what’s going,” Doc froze as he noticed Saphire unconscious in her arms. “What happened?” His brain began to work again.
“We were in the park, Atrune a goblin prince was there. He said something about his master wanting her, and when she refused he attacked. He didn’t touch her though; somehow she managed she needs to briefly describe what happened, not to say that Saphire ran him off to run him off. After he disappeared she passed out,” she rushed out in one breath.
“It sounds like she used her power, and since she is untrained it drained her. Bring her back into my office, she needs to rest.” Doc held the door to his office.
“Is she okay?” A strange new voice said.
Mandy turned to see a man with long black hair, ice blue eyes, and a gorgeous body behind Doc. “Who are you?”
“I am Damien Duates. I am here at the request of my Grandfather Alex Duates. Please is she okay?” He sat next to Saphire’s limp body on the couch. ‘This must be her. Grandfather said I would feel a strong urge to protect and right now I feel the urge to kill whoever did this to her,’ He thought to himself.
“I believe she’ll be fine. Nevertheless, if she doesn’t get some training soon I can’t make any promises.” Doc turned to Mandy. “You said the goblins name was Atrune. Did he say who his master was, or why he wanted to speak to Saphire?” He looked at her with impatient eyes.
“No, he just said that his master told him Saphire was the key to their victory,” she paused. “Doc what is going on?”
“Mandy it is time for us to talk, Damien please join us. You have some insight as to what is going on.” Doc proceeded to a booth.
The ceilings were low, candles floating this sounds like Harry Potter’s floating candles through the room. People were quietly talking about their own busy days as the three sat down. The walls were decorated with pictures of the old west. Miniature covered wagons were placed through out the diner. Old wooden wagon wheels hung on the walls. The smell of hamburger grease and frying oil mingled together in the air.
“Damien why don’t you tell Mandy why you are here. It might help to explain a little.” Doc looked meaningfully at him.
“All right, my grandfather sent me on a quest. A quest to find a woman, this woman is a very important part of the war between good and evil. usually more stories about magic are battles between good and evil. I don't think having Damien spell this out in this chapter is necessary. You want to build some suspense about who and what are the forces on each side. I’m not too sure of all the details. I do know, however that Saphire seems to be the woman that the prophecy I think giving some idea of what the prophecy is would be a good idea, not specifics but some generalities. Include in them a few misdirections. And my grandfather are looking for.” Damien took a sip of his water. “Doc please, tell me she’s going to be okay.”
“She will be fine.” He turned towards the pretty blonde woman. “Now Mandy, I will tell you what I know. About 75 I'd make the prophecy of back many many years further Possibly have a prophecy state that there would be a witch born that would change the balance of the world. Simply leave it at that for now. Leave out Andreas and the struggle between good and evil. Years ago a prophecy was told, they spoke of a witch that was to be powerful enough to take down Andreas. It was said if the dark side got a hold of her all the good in the world would suffer. At the same time it was said, if the good got her then all the evil would be put in its place. That is all I know of the prophecy.”
“I understand Doc, but how do we know who is on the good side and the bad.” Mandy looked at Damien.
“Do not fret. Damien has all ready passed the test. what is Damien have to pass? That would be the question Mandy should be asking He is on the good side, he means us no harm. I am hoping I can convince Saphire to go with him. Damien’s grandmother is a wonderful witch and how does Doc know Damien's grandmother? Again a question Mandy should ask. And would be able to help her immensely .”
“Doc, I have a question for you. Why is it Saphire has not been told about who and what she is? I would think it would have been smarter to tell her earlier in life so she could have been trained when the time came. Another thing, how does she not know anything about it? I mean it’s not like you guys hide magic around here,” Damien asked. it is damn good question, and a question that Mandy should also be asking.
“First off it was her Grandmothers dieing dying wish that she not be told unless absolutely necessary. As for her not being able to figure it out on her own, well that is because of her grandmother as well. You see Emma was a great witch; however she was afraid that if she trained Saphire it in the art that she would be just what she is. Emma didn’t want that for her granddaughter. She decided if Saphire was never told, she could never be the one,” Doc said. if I were Mandy and Damien I would be saying was a pretty stupid idea!
They sat in silence for a moment while everyone considered what had been said. The door to the office came open with a slam…
“I will not let you hurt the innocent people of this town Atrune ,” Saphire yelled.
“Saphire it's okay.” Damien was the first at her side. “Atrune the goblin is gone. You scared him off. Come sit with us and relax. You must be hungry.”
“Who are you?” Saphire looked at the man helping her to the booth. When he smiled, she noticed he had cute little dimples, “How did I get here? Mandy what happened?”
“Saphire, this is Damien, he is here to help. Everything will be okay. I’m not positive about what happened, but whatever you did it took a lot out of you. You passed out, and I brought you to Doc at the Wagon Wheel Diner I would think that Safire would know the interior of the diner seeing she lives in the town. So change it to just "I brought you here to Doc," ” Mandy said.
Saphire took a look around her; she was definitely in the diner. She noticed Doc looked at her with concern in his chestnut eyes. ‘He was an old man; he didn’t need all this stress,’ she thought. “I’m sorry.” She looked at the floor embarrassed.
“There is no need to apologize; you have had a traumatic event. Damien has been looking for you, and I believe you should talk to him. He can help you in ways that no one else can.” Doc reached across the table to give Saphire’s hand a gentle squeeze. This man only stood 4 foot tall, if Doc is a dwarf then just call him one and yet he could calm anyone down with just a touch.
“Thank you Doc.” Saphire gave a weak smile. “Damien is it?” She looked at the man that sat next to Doc, his icy blue eyes stared right back at her. “What can you tell me about that thing in the park?”
“I don’t know anything about Atrune him . However, ” Damien could see that she wanted to argue about his statement. “My grandfather might be able to tell us about it.”
“All right then tell me about you, how is it you show up in town at the same time this Atrune vile creature does?” She couldn‘t explain the sudden jolt of fire in her stomach as Damien smiled at her.
“Well that is a long story; I can tell you that I was sent here by my grandfather to find you. The thing is you seem to have a major role in this prophecy that was made a long time ago. I know that you are not aware of the fact that you are a witch, and I am sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this.” Damien gave her an apologetic look.
“There is nothing for you to be sorry about. I figured out that I was a witch a long time ago. Even before my Grandmother passed away, I just never told any one. How did Saphire figure out that she was a witch? Why did she tell Mandy? If she knew she was a witch, then what happened in the park shouldn't have come as any surprise. My next question, is how do I get trained ? . Atrune The goblin said he was going to destroy this town and I can not can't let that happen.” Saphire waved he waitress over and ordered a cheeseburger with fries. move the sentence that is a green right after she says that she never told anyone. It fits better there.
“Saphire please don’t worry about our town. We are well protected. No one has told you this because you were not ready, but now we have no choice. The town of Serenity is also known to others as the Magical City. this sounds like the emerald city in the Wizard of Oz This town is filled with all kinds of creatures. wouldn't she have noticed all of the different creatures? Does she have no exposure to the outside world, but not magical world? We have many witches, elves, dwarves, and fairies. We also have a few good vampires that come visiting every now and again.” Doc winked at Damien.
“Did I just see that? Doc are you saying that Damien is a vampire?” Saphire looked between the two men astonished. She’d had dreams about everything that happened so far, this however was new to her.
“That would explain a lot,” Mandy said from beside Saphire.
“Mandy what do you mean it explains a lot,” Saphire looked at her best friend. They had been close since she started coming out to visit her grandmother many years ago. They looked to be the same age, but Stacy Mandy always seemed to know more about the world.
“I mean I can’t see his aura. That rarely happens, yours has always been violet, Doc’s baby-blue, but Damien’s I could not couldn't see. The only time I can’t see and aura is when I come across a creature that is not what they are supposed to be. Vampires are supposed to be evil, but Damien is a good vampire, therefore I see nothing. this sounds too simplistic or simpleminded. You're also giving away the possibility of Damien being evil and that is not good for the plot. You need twists and turns, you need people to be or seen to be what they are not. ” Mandy smiled happily .
“Okay. What does that make you then?”
“I am a seer er you don't need the extra er ; I use my powers abilities to sort out the evil from the good. again this is very simplistic. The world and life is not plain black and white but shades of gray. There are good people that sometimes do bad things and the converse is also true. See if anyone has done black magic then their aura will be covered in a black film.” Mandy got up from the booth. “Now if you will excuse me. I must go and check on the Inn. I have a few visitors coming this afternoon. Saphire, I hope to see you later.” Mandy seemed a little nervous what I've highlighted in green here is wishy-washy. You need to state exactly how she appeared. In what ways did she give clues that she might be uncomfortable or nervous in talking about herself? Talking about herself.
“Bye Mandy. It was nice meeting you.” Damien waved as she walked away.
“If the town is safe then let’s get back to the training that I need. How do I get that?” Saphire yawned, she was getting becoming tired again. “In my dreams, which until today I believed were just dreams, I have done magic with an old woman. She was a sweet woman with unbelievable strength.”
“It sounds as if you are speaking of Damien’s grandmother. She is one of the best witches I have ever met, and can train you better than anyone else,” Doc replied.
“So, I must trust Damien to take me to her right,” Saphire glared at Damien. why is she the glaring at Damien when she didn't shoot any such looks at Doc for keeping the secret about her being a witch or ever giving such a look at the horrible goblin? “I will do as you say Doc, but only because you knew Grandma Emma so well. I know you would never do anything to put me in danger.” Saphire smiled at the man she had always thought of as her grandpa. Her mouth began to water as the cheese burger she ordered was placed in front of her.
“I’m sorry Saphire, but if you are coming with me we will need to leave first thing in the morning. if they're leaving first thing in the morning, why does she have to take her food with her rather than eat it there in the diner? I will take you home so you can pack a few things.” Damien slid out of the booth.
“What about my food? “ She stopped the waitress. “Can I get a box for this please? Good bye Doc. I don’t know when I will see you again, but please know I always thought of you as my granddad.” Saphire leaned over the table to hug Doc.
“Good bye Saphire. We will meet again, I will always cherish you.” Doc released her first, and walked away without another word.
After getting her food boxed Saphire followed Damien out of the diner, outside she saw the bright blood red Avalanche. ‘Such a classic color for a vampire to pick, Always black or red,’ she thought. how may vampires has she supposedly known?
“Listen, I live on Witch Lake. Do you know how to get there?” She stopped in front of the truck.
“I think so. Doc was giving me directions just before your friend came running in carrying you.” Damien unlocked the doors. “I will take you home for the night. I am staying at The Fairy Inn a vampire staying in a fairy inn? why not at least make it something a little more unique? Like the Red Moon inn and for kicks, stick him in room 13  room 21. Call if you need anything, otherwise I will be there at six in the morning.”
Saphire sat quietly as Damien made his way to her house. She had a lot of things to think about for the next few hours, this stuff about goblins, seekers, and most of all vampires. ‘What is going to pop up on me next,’ she asked herself.
“My house is at the end of Wolf Lane.” She pointed to the road sign.
“Saphire, I just wanted to say that you have taken everything exceptionally well today.” Damien turned onto the dirt road. “I know you have a lot on your plate, and finding everything out at once has to be pretty confusing. Is there anything you would like to know?”
“Not right now. I'm still trying to figure out if I am dreaming or not.” Saphire watched out the window. Her house should be coming up any minute.
“What do you mean? Why would you think you were dreaming?” Damien looked at her curiously .
“I have these dreams, and they are very vivid. I’ve been having them since I was 5 years old. Sometimes there are goblins earlier in this chapter you had her asking Mandy what the creature was when she was already having dreams about goblins, this is a contradiction. , once there were these black mist creatures, and one time I was surrounded by werewolves everything else what everything else? . It’s always very real istic therefore today just seemed like another dream to me. Except for the fact Other than I still feel tired, that’s what makes me believe it is it's real. Does that make any sense ? ,” she asked him.
“Actually yes it does. You see my grandfather had a dream about you, which is why I have come came to find you. My grandfather is one of the elders for the Watchers, a group of people that are determined to keep evil at bay. you can dribble this information out about who the watchers are; it isn't important to tell her right now. ” Damien stopped in front of Saphire’s house. “How did you defeat that goblin in the park?”
“I don’t know. I got really upset when he said he would destroy the entire town. That’s when I closed my eyes . , and just let my subconscious take over because she doesn't know how she defeated him she shouldn't even mention letting her subconscious take over . I mean what have those happy people ever done to that evil little creature? The next thing I remember after that is waking up in the diner.” She looked out the window at her beautiful home.
The remodeling was complete, what had once looked like an old run down shack, now resembled a five star bed and breakfast. Three stories tall, with white siding and a soft blue trim. Big picture windows positioned two on every side of the house on the first floor. A porch surrounded the entire building, the back of the house looked out over the lake. A beautiful view of the sunset could be seen at dusk. A small portion of the property was dedicated to her love of plants tulips, roses, daffodils, and bleeding hearts all mingling together, the way she wished the world could get along. even plants don't all get along there is competition for the sun, space, water, and soil nutrients. The rest of the property was surrounded by forest.
“Well, whatever you did it was quick thinking reacting on your part. I am sorry that all of this has been thrown at you. why is he apologizing for something that he didn't do or had anything to do with. It makes it sound weak. Leave it at the complement. ” Damien watched as she got out of the truck. ‘This woman is even more beautiful than I thought. I am going to have to be careful around her, she is destined for far greater things than me,’ he thought.
“Thank you for the ride, I will see you in the morning. If you like you can come by early for coffee.” wouldn't make sense for her to asked him if he drinks coffee seems he is a vampire? She waved as she walked to the door.
Damien headed back to the Fairy Inn, the whole way thinking about this woman he was now responsible for. “Please, take good care of her while she is with you,” the old dwarf had said right before Mandy had come running in with Saphire. ‘How could I let any harm come to her, she does play a very important role in the war that is to come,’ he thought. However, he could not shake the feeling that there was another reason he wanted to keep her safe.
Word and Sentence Analysis
Document: saphire.docx
Directory: C:\Users\Lynn\Documents
Document Date: 11/30/2009 12:23:16 PM
Date of Analysis: 11/30/2009
WORD USAGE - TOP 25
Words Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
Saphire 34 14 9 2 59
that 32 6 7 5 50
this 12 10 4 6 32
Damien 9 16 6 1 32
what 12 7 5 7 31
Mandy 16 7 1 6 30
with 9 6 6 7 28
have 11 7 3 7 28
will 10 7 1 5 23
about 6 4 8 4 22
know 5 5 2 6 18
said 5 2 2 8 17
looked 6 2 3 6 17
Just 0 3 5 8 16
time 5 0 3 7 15
would 5 2 2 6 15
Atrune 3 3 4 3 13
could 3 2 1 7 13
good 5 1 1 6 13
there 2 4 1 6 13
Come 5 0 2 5 12
been 5 0 2 5 12
here 2 1 2 6 11
eyes 2 2 1 6 11
tell 6 1 1 3 11
PHRASE USAGES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20
3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
looked at her 0 0 0 5 5
she looked at 0 1 0 3 4
out of the 0 1 0 3 4
in the park 0 0 0 4 4
be able to 0 0 0 4 4
in front of 0 0 1 3 4
at the man 0 0 1 2 3
to be the 0 0 0 3 3
come with me 0 1 1 1 3
will not let 0 1 0 2 3
in the morning 0 0 1 2 3
she knew she 0 0 1 2 3
a long time 1 0 0 2 3
the Wagon Wheel 0 0 0 3 3
not let you 0 1 0 2 3
looked at the 0 2 0 1 3
I have a 0 0 0 3 3
what is going 1 0 0 2 3
I will not 0 1 0 2 3
I don't know 0 0 0 3 3
PHRASE USAGES - 4-WORD PHRASES - ALL
4-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
will not let you 0 1 0 2 3
I will not let 0 1 0 2 3
in front of the 0 0 0 2 2
As she looked at 0 0 0 2 2
at the same time 0 0 0 2 2
looked at her with 0 0 0 2 2
a lot of things 0 0 0 2 2
How do I get 0 0 0 2 2
looked at the man 0 0 1 1 2
is one of the 0 0 0 2 2
I will see you 0 0 0 2 2
I am sorry that 0 0 0 2 2
I will take you 0 0 1 1 2
a long time ago 1 0 0 1 2
not let you hurt 0 0 0 2 2
waved as she walked 0 0 0 2 2
of the property was 1 0 0 1 2
what is going on 1 0 0 1 2
is on the good 1 0 0 1 2
on the good side 1 0 0 1 2
are supposed to be 1 0 0 1 2
She looked at the 0 1 0 1 2
stopped in front of 0 0 0 2 2
What do you mean 0 0 0 2 2
the Wagon Wheel Diner 0 0 0 2 2
whatever you did it 0 0 0 2 2
They had been close 0 0 0 2 2
to come with me 0 0 1 1 2
will take you home 0 0 1 1 2
PHRASE USAGES - 5-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20
5-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I will not let you 0 1 0 2 3
is on the good side 1 0 0 1 2
I will take you home 0 0 1 1 2
will not let you hurt 0 0 0 2 2
START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 1-WORD - TOP 20
1-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I 21 8 9 4 42
Saphire 19 8 6 2 35
She 8 6 6 5 25
The 4 1 5 6 16
Mandy 7 1 3 5 16
Doc 5 4 2 4 15
Damien 0 5 7 3 15
He 4 5 2 3 14
You 2 3 1 5 11
What 1 1 1 7 10
A 2 0 1 5 8
I'm 0 1 0 5 6
It 0 1 1 4 6
We 2 0 1 3 6
Please 0 1 0 4 5
Atrune 0 0 1 4 5
This 0 0 0 5 5
My 0 0 2 3 5
As 0 1 0 3 4
They 1 0 0 3 4
START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 2-WORD PHRASES - ALL
2-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I am 2 0 0 5 7
I will 0 2 2 3 7
I have 0 1 2 3 6
Saphire was 0 1 1 1 3
She looked 0 1 0 2 3
I mean 0 0 0 3 3
I know 0 0 0 3 3
I don't 0 0 0 3 3
Damien has 0 0 0 2 2
As she 0 0 0 2 2
I think 0 0 0 2 2
Mandy turned 0 0 1 1 2
I'm sorry 0 0 0 2 2
It sounds 0 0 0 2 2
It was 0 0 0 2 2
I'm not 0 0 0 2 2
You see 0 0 0 2 2
Ruby eyes 0 0 0 2 2
My grandfather 0 0 0 2 2
She couldn't 0 0 0 2 2
She stopped 0 0 1 1 2
All right 0 0 0 2 2
Good bye 1 0 0 1 2
She noticed 0 0 0 2 2
She was 0 0 0 2 2
Thank you 0 0 0 2 2
There is 0 0 0 2 2
What is 0 0 0 2 2
They had 0 0 0 2 2
Who are 0 0 0 2 2
Saphire looked 0 0 0 2 2
You are 0 0 0 2 2
Mandy what 0 0 0 2 2
You will 0 0 1 1 2
START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20
3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I don't know 0 0 0 3 3
I will not 0 1 0 2 3
I have no 0 0 0 2 2
She looked at 0 1 0 1 2
I have a 0 0 0 2 2
I will take 0 0 1 1 2
I know you 0 0 0 2 2
They had been 0 0 0 2 2
Who are you 0 0 0 2 2
SENTENCE STATISTICS
Number of sentences: 318
Average Sentence Length: 10.6 words
Longest Sentence: 31 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 6 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 78 %
Georgianna Lyn d'Bolt du Juracetys
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