Excellent story!
Love the characters' names. The descriptions are colorful and fit the type of story.
The plot kept me reading to see what would happen. Love the smell of the Ogres, sardines and garlic. :) Quite the combo!
I did find a few punctuation and spelling errors:
center, The ( . instead of , )
thee was ( there instead of thee)
hopelessness, Their ( . instead of , )
not though of ( thought instead of though)
I like up until the last paragraph. I am confused on the last one. I thought the story is about the young girl and then it switches to the mom, I think. Maybe put the mom's feelings in a separate paragraph?
I love this story. It is true, most homeless are judged way too much. Most times they have a huge reason for ending up where they are. I really try not to judge and if I do, I keep it to myself.
The conversation is really good in your story. I felt like I was sitting there listening. I like the fact Jack had a cold that Emma could help him with so he could further find out more about her. Great job.
Good one!
I can see it developing into a longer story too. I like the twist and turns of the plot.
The girl becoming the victim was a great turn in the story. It would be the pits, definitely bad karma for her.
The only problem I had was keeping Orion and Spencer separate since there was a lot going on in a short amount of time.
I like it!
The story is very easy to read and flows in an interesting way. It kept me reading on. Great job. It is different than other stories. Sometimes it is difficult to find a story that does not follow what everyone else is writing. Good job. I am interested in knowing how it turns out.
Just be you. But yes, wear underwear. :) People judge too much in today's world. One just needs to find that confidence to say who cares. I think lots of people go through times of depression, one just needs to find a way to the top of the happy chart. I have found that some of it is what you eat. I make sure I take vitamins just in case I don't eat right. I believe the sunshine has a lot to do with our moods too. Get the sun in your daily routine. I get a lot more done when all those happen. Keep writing too. Writing is an outlet to emotions and if I hadn't wrote in High School in my journals, I think I would be dead right now. It was my stress release. Great writing, keep it up.
I love this story. The descriptive words of the leaves were terrific. I would not have thought about gold, orange, and cranberry. Love cranberry. I usually think of yellow, orange and red. All the descriptive words left images in my head. Stories are wonderfully written when they can put an image in the head like I am standing there watching. The country theme is really good. The dialogue is right on with the theme. I smiled all the way through. Of course, I thought he would get the girl, so a good twist to the story of her with the other guy. I imagined this happened a lot with soldiers serving in Nam. It was difficult to communicate on a timely manner. I am a wife of an Army man and am thankful for internet and computers nowadays. I love the "the light of the Harvest moon" and then "Welcome home bro." I chuckled there. Great job.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 10:27am on Sep 29, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "