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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/k5rakitan/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/53
Review Requests: ON
6,044 Public Reviews Given
6,044 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm the lead editor for a small independent press, but I am on maternity leave for the next several years and thus not accepting submissions. I'll tell you my professional opinion on first chapters or short pieces and whether I would have accepted it or rejected it if I was looking for work. I've dealt most with controversial speculative fiction, and I'm most interested in polyamory a.k.a consensual non-monogamy.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Historical Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Dystopia, Erotica
Least Favorite Genres
stream of consciousness
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Novels, Fraternal Polyandry
Public Reviews
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1301
1301
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This was indeed an ill-matched couple. They certainly did not speak the same love languages. They will find themselves happier with other people.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1302
1302
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for requesting my review. I'm not a huge fan of script format, so I would automatically turn it over to another editor if this came to my inbox, but I'll do my best here.

Even in script format, it is important to show rather than tell. Set the scene of their workplaces and give them each a few lines as they react to news of their parents' death.

"After the death of our parents last year, we trio were sunken into a state of hopeless depression and weren't able to concentrate on our work properly." - this would be best shown by a montage of time passing for each of the four brothers. On a stage, this could be done with three mini sets and a ticking clock or a tree prop that changes with the seasons. On a screen, you could use footage of a real tree or other scenery where the change of seasons would be apparent, such as a town/city park with changing holiday decorations.

I'm not too thrilled by stories where there is a clear "good vs. evil" conflict. Real life is never so clear-cut over who is good and evil. I prefer stories where it's not entirely clear who the antagonist is or the antagonist is society rather than once clearly evil force.
1303
1303
Review of A Long Road Ahead  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

I recommend organizing this into shorter paragraphs for easier reading. This is indeed unsettling. Thanks for the warning!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1304
1304
Review of The Scratch Off  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is an intriguing premise. It makes me curious what circumstances created a society like this.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1305
1305
Review of Idea  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This sounds like a good idea. The grammar here needs some work, though. I'm guessing English is not your first language? You could try a program such as grammarly to help improve your grammar or read "The Elements of Grammar" by Margaret Shertzer.

In America, it is common to get another degree before attending law school, as it's difficult to get accepted into law school otherwise. I was interested in environmental law personally, so I got a BS, but then I wound up doing other things instead.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1306
1306
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This was a very entertaining travel experience. Thanks for taking me on this journey with you.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1307
1307
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing these deeply personal thoughts. Writing about these things is a great way to process your feelings and let others who have had similar experiences know they are not alone.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1308
1308
Review of My First Fight  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing these deeply personal thoughts. Writing about these things is a great way to process your feelings and let others who have had similar experiences know they are not alone.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1309
1309
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a great start! I like how you open with action to hook the reader.

Formatting tip: please start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes in dialogue. This is standard practice in fiction and helps make the piece easier to read.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1310
1310
Review of A Good Dog  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Dogs are amazing. We've shaped their development through selective breeding, so it's no wonder they share a lot in common with us.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1311
1311
Review of A Simple Wave  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a vivid picture with your words. Thanks for taking me on this journey with you.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1312
1312
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing these deeply personal thoughts. Writing about these things is a great way to process your feelings and let others who have had similar experiences know they are not alone.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1313
1313
Review of Guiding Shadow  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing these deeply personal thoughts. Writing about these things is a great way to process your feelings and let others who have had similar experiences know they are not alone.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1314
1314
Review of the dream  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a vivid picture with your words. Thanks for taking me on this journey with you.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1315
1315
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing these deeply personal thoughts. Writing about these things is a great way to process your feelings and let others who have had similar experiences know they are not alone.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1316
1316
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a beautiful picture with your words. Reading this reminded me of my own love of nature.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1317
1317
Review of Untitled Story  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a great start! My only complaint is that it ends abruptly. Sharing writing like this is an important part of making the world a more accepting place.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1318
1318
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a great premise. However, if you want to hook the reader, I recommend jumping straight into the action and filling in the details about the scenario later.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1319
1319
Review of Hihi  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Is this meant to be a test piece or a placeholder? I recommend drafting your story in a separate program such as MS Word, Open Office, or Google Docs and then copying and pasting it when you are ready to share it.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1320
1320
Review of LOST IN THE WOODS  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a vivid picture with your words. Thanks for taking me on this journey with you.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1321
1321
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing these deeply personal thoughts. Writing about these things is a great way to process your feelings and let others who have had similar experiences know they are not alone.

Sometimes, when our brain chemistry is beyond our control, medication helps. I recommend talking to a doctor to see if there's anything that could help you.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1322
1322
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is quite an interesting dystopia. The concept of China splitting into a bunch of different countries makes a lot of sense, especially with how diverse their marriage customs are:
https://youtu.be/dN86YmCGYcs

Tibet is known for practicing fraternal polyandry, but since Tibet has been assimilated by China, they've outlawed the practice and have done other things to suppress Tibetan culture.

Also, have you ever heard of Father Nathan Monk? He's a former priest, and he has a Bible study blog that's very refreshing. Lately, he's been talking about how women were the first ones to care for Jesus' corpse. They were the first ones to see that he was risen, yet they were excluded from the priesthood, and manuscripts written by women were excluded from the Bible we know today.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1323
1323
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This reminds me of my room when I was growing up . . . and my whole house now that I have a kid. My husband cleans up every few days, though.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1324
1324
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a vivid picture with your words. I've always found wolves beautiful.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

1325
1325
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I found this through the random “Read & Review” feature.

This is a great start! The protagonist has some strong feelings about her situation. However, I recommend starting with the incident that landed her in this mood rather than talking about it after the fact. That would make a stronger hoom for the reader.

Thanks for sharing your writing :)
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
 
FORUM
Lewd Poems Contest  (18+)
Monthly contest for people who find joy in lewd things.
#2250133 by K5Rakitan

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