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1
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Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What I like

Kiria is unforgettable. Her enthusiasm, impulsiveness, and quirky logic makes her very engaging. She is chaotic, but in a good way, and the story fits with her personality. The humour is consistent and very effective. Lines like ‘your coffee machine! I’ll brew you a cup so strong it could wake a grizzly, and ‘Bessie, her moonwalk evolving into a slow, ominously rhythmic dance’ are absurd, but timed and grounded in farm setting.
Action and stakes are lively. The repeated experiments build tension without feeling too serious. The danger seems real enough to make the story exciting, yet keep the tone fun. You have great visual and sensory detail. Sparks, smoke, static hair, moonwalking cows, and sizzling tractors are vivid and memorable.
The needing leaves me wanting to know more. The end ‘next experiment’ hints that more chaos is ongoing without saying it outright. Your voice and narrative tone is strong. Your narrative voice is confident and playful, exactly the type of humour that keeps a reader invested.

What I don’t like

There were minor types and formatting issues, but I don’t need to go into them too much. Just seems you missed the font change. There were some overdescriptions. Some of the chaos could be trimmed and less chaotic to keep the momentum tight. Breaking up a few of your sentences would make comedic timing better.

Conclusion

I want to say there is more (not to be a bully), but there is nothing else. This is a good piece of writing. Keep writing John Author IconMail Icon.


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2
2
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What I like

You have great pacing. The climb, the storm becoming worse, lightning striking, and the aftermath. It all flows naturally, and doesn’t feel like you’ve rushed it. You had a strong, consistent POV. You kept it on Annette’s point of view, even during the tension, and emotional stakes.
You had clean, vivid scene writing. The lightning, thunder, rain, smell of charged air. These details are all sharp, and not overwhelming. The lightning strike is strong without being too much. You show danger and terror without extra graphic, which is perfect.
The emotional hook works. A sibling rescue gives the story risks, and the relief after feels earned. The supernatural element is great. Seeing emotions as colours is introduced naturally, not put in like exposition. The ending is just right. The rainbow and final line about love and relief are emotionally satisfying.

What I didn’t like

A few of the metaphors were a bit too much, such as ‘glow like nuclear fallout.’ Natural imagery would have been better. Some of the tension questions like ‘landslide worries,’ ‘rain fears,’ and ‘slipping fears’ are good, but a few of them could have been worded better, to make momentum work more.
Jody could use one more defining moment. She is a supportive and believable character, but a few sharper action scenes could show her a bit better.


Conclusion

All in all, this was a nice story. You have a lovely imagination. Keep writing Amethyst Snow Angel Author IconMail Icon.


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3
3
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
What I liked{{/size}/u}

You are attempting to write a full story about Napoleonic battles with good politics, weather, and morale. This is not something a beginner would do. The atmosphere is also strong and consistent. Cold, snow, exhaustion, and hunger. It makes Russia feel hostile in each paragraph. Nature, being an enemy, works well.
Your research on this subject is also very good. You have a clear understanding of periodic warfare. The tension between Gulliemont, Jacque, and Choinburnt also adds an internal conflict.
The moments of proper drama come with the grenade plan, holding the square, and Choinburnt’s last stand. These are very effective. It ends very emotionally. The frozen scout under the horse is strong and quiet after so much chaos.

What I don’t like

This scene has done the work that a few chapters would have been better at. The battle keeps restarting, but emotionally. You have a new threat, a new square, a new charge, new dialogue. You should trim up to about half of it, or spread it out through more chapters. The stakes can escalate no further as they have already reached their peak.
Many of the sentences are overwritten, tangled, or grammatically incorrect. You have misused commas and varying tenses (past, present, and future). You use a lot of metaphors, but where there are five normal beats, you could have one really strong one.
The characters give speeches in the middle of battle, which feels unrealistic. Many of the arguments repeat the same point over again, which can bore the reader.
The point of view drifts between Gulliemont, Jacque, Choinburnt, and the omniscient narrative. Unless you are doing separate chapters with these POV’s, then this should be changed to just one POV.


Conclusion

All in all, this was a good story, though with plenty of mistakes. If you went back and refined it, then I am sure you will do well. Keep writing.
kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon.


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4
4
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
These are just one person's opinion. Everyone will think something different.

What I Like{{/size}/u}

You have an immediate hook. Maize is being free, and feeling the rain fall on her face. It feels like the very moment before something is bound to go wrong. You have strong sensory control. The rain, goosebumps, the sudden light. These are very vivid without going into a lot of detail. The metaphor: ‘The internal burning spread and arced like a tree growing at trillions of times its normal speed’ is strong as it is memorable.
The ending choice is good. Instead of exposing more of the story, you ended it with them hugging.

What I Don’t Like

You used the wrong type of metaphor for rain: ‘thousands of bullets.’ This scene isn’t about violence, yet you used that. Telling us that she thought she was invulnerable is worse than letting the scene imply it through action or attitude. Although the lightning scene is good, it feels rushed. One more sentence from the girl’s view might help with that.
There was a minor slip with punctuation: ‘thats’. As I said, it’s minor, but grammar is still very important. Maize could also be more involved in the story. Although she is the protagonist, she mostly feels. No doing, no thinking. Just feeling.


Conclusion
All in all, it was a good story. I'm sure that you will come very far with your writing. Best wishes, kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon


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5
5
Review of Blade of Power  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I accidentally cleared the rating, and I don't know if you'd see it, so I wrote it again.

These are just one person's thoughts. Not everyone will think the same.

What I liked:
The story plot itself was really good. The story ended how it started, which is something that most people will really like. And the characters changed at the end. It started with action and hooked the reader almost instantly. You tried to quicken the pace with shorter sentences when they got to the fight scene, which flowed well. I liked the part about her dad's ghost staying, whilst all the others went. This shows how much emotion there was in it.


What I didn't like:
The pace during the fight did get a bit too much, where you added shorter sentences, but it was only minor. It could have done with a bit more description of the setting. I couldn't picture it well. It felt like they were fighting in a void that was empty all except for them. It would have been cool like that, but I had the feeling that wasn't what you were trying to show.

Final Thoughts:
It was a really good action-packed story, and I doubt many could beat it. Best wishes kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon


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6
6
Review of Blade of Power  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
These are just one person's thoughts. Not everyone will think the same.

What I liked:
The story plot itself was really good. The story ended how it started, which is something that most people will really like. And the characters changed at the end. It started with action and hooked the reader almost instantly. You tried to quicken the pace with shorter sentences when they got to the fight scene, which flowed well. I liked the part about her dad's ghost staying, whilst all the others went. This shows how much emotion there was in it.


What I didn't like:
The pace during the fight did get a bit too much, where you added shorter sentences, but it was only minor. It could have done with a bit more description of the setting. I couldn't picture it well. It felt like they were fighting in a void that was empty all except for them. It would have been cool like that, but I had the feeling that wasn't what you were trying to show.

Final Thoughts:
It was a really good action-packed story, and I doubt many could beat it. Best wishes from kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon


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7
7
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a commendable poem. While I am not typically inclined to read poetry, I am capable of recognising quality in poetic work. It possesses a profound meaning, and I believe that the world would have been better off if humans had not settled here (although this does not imply that I do not wish to be here).
I would give you Keep writing, and I wish you luck.


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8
8
Review of Game Models  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece is a sharp, vivid, and wonderfully ambitious slice of near-future sci-fi, and it absolutely sings with personality. The voice is confident and conversational, full of tech-savvy charm, and the worldbuilding is dense without feeling suffocating. The AR details—the purple skies, the basil rig, the fitness overlays, and the chore-gamification—are vibrant and easy to visualize. It reads like someone recounting the birth of a cultural revolution from the inside, and that immediacy gives the story real momentum.

What worked:
The protagonist’s enthusiasm is contagious. You really feel the arc from “sleepy college assignment” to “global phenomenon,” and the transitions between past and present are smooth. The story uses its tech cleverly—quests, achievements, pings—as narrative devices, and it never feels gimmicky. The mentor figure is a nice touch, grounding the ambition with human warmth. Most importantly, the emotional undercurrent—Samir being swept up by his own creation—gives the piece weight.

What didn’t work as well:
The density of details, while engaging, borders on overwhelming at times. Some sections read like a lore dump, especially when listing every integration (banking, basil rigs, APIs, education platforms, etc.). The piece might hit harder if a few elements were trimmed or spaced out to let emotional beats breathe. And because the pacing is so steady, the climax can feel more like a continuation than a punch.

Overall, it’s an imaginative, richly built, forward-thinking story bursting with energy and heart. The concept is compelling, the execution confident, and the narrative voice strong enough to carry a full-length


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9
9
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This piece captures the rugged charm of Western storytelling with a heartfelt, almost old-fashioned sincerity. Gabby is instantly endearing—rough around the edges yet deeply compassionate—and the poem balances grit, nostalgia, and humor in a way that makes him feel larger than life without losing his humanity. The rhythm and rhyme carry the narrative smoothly, and the recurring images of sand, buzzards, and silver give the piece a solid sense of place.

What worked:
The emotional beats land well—especially Gabby’s moment of prayer and the tension between fear and determination. The mining details and frontier hardships feel authentic, and the references to familiar Western figures give it a warm, nostalgic pulse. There’s a genuine heart behind the crusty exterior, and that shines through.

What didn’t work as well:
Some stanzas feel slightly crowded with exposition, which breaks the poetic flow. A few rhymes come across as forced, and the constant parenthetical asides occasionally interrupt the momentum. Tightening those moments would keep the narrative poem moving with more natural rhythm.

Overall, it’s an enjoyable, character-driven piece with personality and emotional weight.


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10
10
Review of Mail Order Garden  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This piece is wildly imaginative and packed with personality, and that’s easily its greatest strength. You create a vivid, almost whimsical mythology around Marty—his cursed birth, his dragons, his strange little peninsula of horrors—and the world feels lived-in, chaotic, and endearingly messy. The episodic anecdotes (the buffalo fiasco, the roasted sea-monster, the birthday cake with the dragons) bring warmth and comedy that balance the darker threads of his curse. The climax, where magical ink ignites into a cascading disaster, is energetic and visually striking, and the final reveal of the impossibly vast garden is a satisfying payoff.

Where it falters is in sheer density. The story is rich with detail, but it sometimes overwhelms the pace. Several sections could benefit from tightening so the central conflict—the curse triggering unintended magic—remains firmly in view instead of getting lost in side stories. Also, the narrator occasionally explains what readers can infer, breaking the flow. Still, the charm, humor, and creativity win out. Marty stands out as a sympathetic, slightly exasperated wizard whose world is delightful to fall into, and the ending leaves the reader eager to see what havoc (or wonder) he unleashes next.


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11
11
Review of Phantasm  Open in new Window.
for entry "Phantasm" Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This scene has an intimate, quietly unsettling charm that works incredibly well. The sensory details are sharp—the sunlight creeping in, the tickle of hair, the smell of coffee. You anchor the reader in the room so effectively that the eventual emotional shift lands hard. I especially liked how the roommate’s smiles turned from warm to vaguely haunting as the truth of their situation softened into view.

Where it stumbles a little is clarity. The dreamy, liminal tone fits the story, but the boundaries between literal and metaphorical reality become so blurred that some readers may struggle to track what’s actually happening. A touch more grounding—just a hint—could keep the ambiguity intentional rather than confusing. Still, the atmosphere is rich, the tension is subtle, and the ending lingers exactly the way a good quiet tragedy should.
Keep writing.


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12
12
Review of Measure of A Man  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
You’ve got a clean, heartfelt piece here, and its sincerity is easily its strongest feature. I like the steady rhythm and the clear, grounded imagery: “strong arms and hands” paired with “a caring heart” gives the poem a solid emotional backbone. It reads like a tribute, and it lands that intention well.

Where it falls a bit short is in surprise. The sentiment is timeless, but also familiar, so a sharper metaphor or an unexpected detail could elevate it and make it more distinct. Still, the message carries weight, and the simple structure supports that warmth effectively.


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13
13
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Great story! I loved it! I liked the fact that the dragon actually became friends with the elves, and I loved the imagination that you had. I liked the fact that the gun actually belonged to an elf guard, and I thought it was quite funny that the guard tripped over. It was a good story, and I hope to see more posts. Keep writing!


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14
14
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this story as much as your last one: "Yggdrasil and the Nine Realms" Open in new Window.. It was excellent. I'm planning on giving this one an awardicon as well, and I'll also give you another merit badge, but I'll have to wait two weeks for that to happen. Anyways I loved your story. Keep writing.


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15
15
Review of The Sock Monster  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Inkforged Circle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked the story. Being a thirteen year old kid, I know what this is like. I always thought that there was a sock monster living in my house too, but after a while, you grow up and realise it isn't real. Anyways I thought the story was perfect, but there were a few mistakes.
When you were mentioning them not knowing how to read or write, you put a full stop instead of a comma, which would have been the better option for this. Apart from that mistake I thought the story was great. Keep writing, and have a nice day.


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16
16
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Amazing! *InLove*. I love norse stories and this was great. I have learned a lot about norse mythology, so I know about this tree. It was a great story and I liked the fact that you spoke about every land on Yggdrasil. It was a Great story. Keep writing.


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17
17
Review of Alluring Sounds  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked the storyline, and the fact that he goes to save the women who I guessed were sirens However, there were a few mistakes, but I will be getting to that in a minute. Anyways, as I was saying I loved the story, and the fact that these creatures took him to the water with them.
Now I'll be getting to the mistakes. When you were mentioning the captain hearing a faint sound, you should have added a comma after 'that afternoon'. When he said 'good afternoon ladies', instead of a comma, it should've been a full stop. You also repeated 'captain' too many times in one sentence. Apart from that I liked it. Keep posting.


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18
18
Review of Pay the Ferryman  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great story! I loved that he was having those crazy dreams and I only clicked on it because of the title and the sub-heading 'Charon charges one obolos coin for each soul crossing the Styx'. It sounded like it would be about greek mythology, and I am crazy about greek gods, and demigods, so I could not help myself and went on it. I'm glad I did though. However, there were a few mistakes.
You should put some spaces when you go onto a paragraph. When he is wondering if it is all a dream, you put a semi-colon, which should have been a full stop. When he wakes for the second time, you put a comma, which should have been a semi-colon. Still, I liked it. Keep posting.


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19
19
Review of Dragons Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Great story plot, but far too many mistakes. you repeated 'especially' twice at the beginning. You spelt 'heels' as 'heals'. Instead of saying 'handy', you said 'hand', and I'm afraid to say that was the first paragraph.
On the next paragraph, you didn't do anything wrong, and the third paragraph was perfect and so was the fourth paragraph. However, on the sixth paragraph, you forgot the full stop at the end of the sentence. Also after 'suddenly', you should have put a comma. If you go back through and edit, I'll come back and give another review. Keep posting.


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20
20
Review of Deep In The Woods  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
What?? The tree is her father?? That has blown my mind. *Mindblown*. I was not expecting it to be her father. I guess that it's quite hard to speak when you are a tree because he sounded like he was struggling. I loved the story, and would read more like this. However, there were some mistakes, which is a shame, because I thought it was amazing.
Anyways, when you were speaking about him swinging the stick, you could have removed the 'while'. It would make it sound much better. When you were speaking about the tree reaching down a branch too pat Avery, you didn't add a comma after 'down'. You also spelt realised wrong. you also repeated 'up' twice, when he was being lifted by the tree. Apart from that it was great. Keep posting.


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21
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Review of Eros & Psyche  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
So I'm guessing that she got with Eros, which would make sense as it is called Eros and Psyche. I really liked it, but there were far too many mistakes. I liked the fact that she would be getting with a god, because that would be amazing. It was a great story line, but now I'll have to get to the things that were bad.
When you were speaking about the sisters hating Psyche, you had repeated 'they'. When you were saying that they mostly stare at her face, you said 'the' instead of 'they'. When you were saying that Aphrodite had been watching Psyche, you forgot to add a comma before her name. Also, you spelled 'Treacherous' wrong. If you go back through to edit it, I'll come back and give another review. Keep posting.


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22
22
Review of Halloween Night  Open in new Window.
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I'm afraid to say that the story had many mistakes, but I liked the story. It was quite funny that it turned out to be his little brother or sister, and I liked the fact that he was running as he thought it was a monster that wanted to eat him. I liked it, but as I said before, there were far too many mistakes that I think you could sort out.
You repeated 'but adrenaline kept him going'. Instead of saying 'It', you put 'IT', which shouldn't have been there. When he got knocked over you added a '\' at the end of sentence. Also, try to avoid words that end with 'ly'. If you can change these around. I'll come back and review it. Keep writing.


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23
23
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good story, but it sounded more like a poem instead. I still liked it nonetheless. At first, it drew me in and made me want to read on, and I didn't realise that 'in the corner of the room, if you look hard enough, you will find a small, frail girl facing the bare, grey wall' was actually a quote by someone. I liked the story a lot, but I still think it was more like a poem.
There were a few mistakes. 'Moon light' should be changed to 'moonlight' or moon-light'. Apart from that it was good. Keep writing.


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24
24
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story wasn't bad. I liked the fact that you were explaining how people become werewolves, and I guess you did a fair bit of research on these creatures. I liked the story and the fact that he had to get a human to record his life, since he was one of the wolves. I guess he couldn't hold his werewolf instincts in though, since they found the body of the guy who recorded the wolf's backstory. The dialogue was perfect, but there were some mistakes, that I think you can change up.
Try avoiding words that end with 'ly'. Apart from that I liked it. Keep posting.


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25
25
Review by kadenkoker Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was a great short story. It is a shame that the noun had to die, but at least the other noun came in, and the adjective managed to talk some sense into her. The other noun should have listened to the adjective and he would have been able to survive getting erased and changed. Still, I really liked it, but I do not think that it was a comedy. Instead, it was quite sad, but it was definitely based on writing and a fantasy genre.
Still there were a few mistakes. Avoid using words that end in 'ly'. I think I've told everyone this. Also, cut the dialogue to the bone, so that you can get to your point with less words. Apart from that I liked it. Keep writing.


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