Haiku's are challenging, but I like how you end yours with a playful question - how fun it would be to travel along with the wind, like a seed caught on the breeze! Thanks for sharing this gem!
You include some great imagery in this piece - I can see the leaves falling around the singer as she dances in the forest. I think you could do more with the conflict, though. Maybe include some Christian images in contrast with the Pagan stirrings she feels in her heart. If she is turning away from these feelings, we as readers need to know why. Does the potential of magick scare her, does she feel ashamed or hypocritical for feeling attracted to it? There is more here, I think, than just the feeling of being a "bad girl."
I enjoyed this poem/song because it struck a chord with me - I too have had this struggle, but I suppose you could say I have turned to the so-called "dark side" because I have embraced my Pagan tendencies. To each his own.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kaitlynmw
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:25pm on Dec 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
