Wow. That must of been a tough ordeal for you to handle. Its good that you could express it in a poem.
Your ryming is excellent. But that is not all that poetry is about. Your feelings and thoughts are different than anyone elses, so the words you use to express them should be different than anyone elses words. Thats what poetry is about. My advise to you is to look for a better word choice and keep writing your heart out.
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