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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/karumi
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3 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Karumi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello Anita,

the idea of your writing seems interesting and it is not flowing well.
The only suggestions I could give you are;

1. Work on it
and
2. read it out loud while you are working on it. You may get a better sense of it's rhythm and where to choose other words that fit what you would like to say and fit into the writing as a piece, giving it unity and flow.

Perhaps this could help you.

Karumi.
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Review of Short Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by Karumi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Dear Sapper,

I'm certainly not an expert of haiku poetry, and I think it is the highest form of poetry a poet can aim for. This is just my personal taste.

I have read you short poems and even if you have applied as you said a Haiku structure, in my estimation you have greatly failed to create a Haiku.

What I miss in your poems is what makes a Haiku a Haiku which is among other things a strong evocation of something that is not literally mentioned in the poem itself. In spite of it’s brevity it must not only evoke a mood but also convey a picture vivid enough to stir the imagination of the reader. The reader is expected to ‘fill in’, to continue where the artist, so to speak, leaves off.

R.H. Blyth says about Haiku poetry: " to properly READ a single Haiku requires years of ‘unconscious absorption" of Far Eastern Culture. Haiku’s artful simplicity can arouse and deepen awareness of the simple yet miraculous "is-ness" of everyday sights and sounds, for haiku is concerned with the Here and Now, with that necessity to ‘catch life as it flows’ which is also so much a part of Zen philosophy.

I would like to advise you to take some time to explore Zen and it's expression in Haiku poetry.
You shall find various good book about these themes.

I think you should continue to write about your Love and blissful experiences (absolutely yes !!) and perhaps you should choose a structure, a form of poetry that fits with what you would like to express.

And obviously - keep on writing.

Regards, Karumi.
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