First, I want to say how much I enjoyed that twist in the last paragraph - I did not see it coming at all, and it definitely changed my perspective on the paragraph above, now knowing exactly who these characters were. The first paragraph, as well, was very emotional, although it was difficult to feel for these characters we just met in such a short piece. I think some more sadness/desperation for the sun would add to the overall "feel" of the piece.
The main problem here was the sentence structure. It threw me off from the very beginning. A period after 'dark' and using 'the sun rested' instead of 'resting' would fix the problem there, but I would suggest some research on grammar and sentence structure, as there are many more problems within this piece that bring confusion. I spotted some incomplete sentences as well - mostly due to the use of '-ing' verbs where a pronoun and '-ed' ending are needed instead.
Overall, this was a nice read, but needs some work in structure. I did enjoy the emotions running through the piece, and the little plot twist of her being a fox, which I definitely did not expect in such a small piece.
The best part of this piece, by far, was the message. Kindness is so important, and should be shown even to those we don't think are deserving of it - they are the ones who usually need it most, after all. I enjoyed this piece as a positive way to stand up to a bully, rather than bullying back or being nasty towards the bully.
As great as that message is, the pacing is much too fast and makes it difficult to really see the moral of the story. More detail would help to remove the rushed feeling. How exactly is Liam bullying these kids? With punches, kicks, words? How badly is he hurting them? Why does he listen to Stranger, aside from Stranger being 'tough'? Even scenes like the one in the car could be extended, just for clarity. Maybe show the readers more about Gurgle and Billy's relationship, let them interact a bit during the drive. How do your characters look? How are Gurgles parents? Are they strict, and that is why they don't want him listening to rap? Or are they pretty easy-going and just have a distaste for that genre of music?
Overall, I believe you have a great foundation that now needs editing and development. Everyone gives the advice "show, don't tell," but I do think it applies here. Your readers don't understand that Liam is a bully through hearing he's a bad guy - they understand when he is smashing his fist into another kid's face, when he is mocking them for their insecurities, when he pushes someone and they land on the floor. Try to read the story as the reader, and make your scenes as vivid as possible. I wish you all the best with this piece, and hope you keep at it - I really think that, with a bit of work, this could be great!
The dialogue here was very well written. It flowed easily and felt unique to each character. I loved the humorous voice and the way your dialogue hinted at character relationships as well.
I found the beginning to be quite typical - judging by the rest of the story, I think the first sentence could have been much stronger than him simply introducing himself. The paragraph transitions felt sudden in the beginning as well, especially here:
That's why it's so important to push the envelope now and then....
The smoke faded and a shadowy figure emerged, hissing like an adder.
"Who iss it who ssummonss... oh, crud! You again!"
I think it was easy to tell who was speaking in most cases, but in the initial interaction between he and Emma I had to read twice to understand who was speaking for sure.
One thing that could liven up the writing is setting - there were only a few hints of it, but taking it further and letting the reader picture not only what is happening, but where they are, would be a great help. It could probably make that dialogue scene a bit clearer as well.
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