What an outstanding poem! I am quite impressed and touched by the thoughtfulness of it and how carefully you chose your words. The prose shows that you did not choose words mearly because they fit the rhyme, but because the completed the thought-process. The overall piece is thought-provoking and rings with Truth. You captured the content quite well, and I think your choice of style suits the poem perfectly.
Very nicely written. I liked your rhythm and how the verse flowed. The sea was a lady to many a sailor and I think captured that very well.
You have a knack for descriptive writing, which I also appreciate. It is easy to read your words and picture how the sea must look from deck of a ship.
The only question I had for you actually concerned the title. As there is no mention of a spyglass, which I would think would not be needed to view the beauty of the sea, how does that tie in? I think it clever, I just want to see how you have brought it all together.
Let me tell you what I feel when I read your poem, and maybe that will give you an idea of how I see your flow/format.
As I read your words, I feel like I am in the mind of someone who is jumping all over the place. The thoughts are scattered and random even though they are all centered around one thought, the object of the Infatuation.
I did have a question regarding this line:
Don't say I didn't tell you,
But reality is a sin.
I think the word But is what is throwing me off. It does not flow well. I can see how you are trying to fit it in with the rest of that section, but it became a little confusing. Perhaps just remove the word But?
Don't say I didn't tell you,
Reality is a sin.
Other than that it was a very interesting work. I don't think I'd like to meet this particular mind, but its an interesting glimpse into someone who is obsessed.
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