This story is beautifully told. You are a talented writer, my friend. Everything about this piece is perfect. I didn't notice any grammatical errors at all, the pace and flow of the story is flawless and your style is lovely. Your writing is very "tight" - you use an economy of words to communicate what you want to say, which makes your story very readable.
Dark, disturbing, compelling - all of these words come to mind in describing your poem. It is well-written and a good read. It does what good writing does - it makes the reader think, invites questions, stirs up emotions.
Only one grammar suggestion: "Because no knowledge of a more innocent time troubles their thoughts?"
Wow - this story is wonderfully told and sadly, so relevant to society today. It's a very moving piece - well-written, keeps the reader's attention, and the pace of your story is perfect. I wish you luck with publication. It's an excellent story.
I have only one editing suggestion (again, just my opinion):
1.This sentence: Now she found herself not only praying for her own life, but for the lives of the other people in the room. A room that belonged no longer to a high school but to bedlam. Perhaps could be changed to this: .....in the room--a room that belonged no longer to a high school but to bedlam.
I just love your poetry. As always, with your poetry, the emotion is palpable. I love the first verse - my favorite. I can so relate to that verse - that's my life. And the line that says, "Life caught me sleeping during the important lessons" - that's just incredible.
All I have left to say is..... wow! Have I ever told you that I'm not even really big on poetry, but I can't get enough of your poetry? It speaks to my soul.
Wow - this is very powerful. I love the synmbolism - relating yourself to "a female Pinnochio". How often have we all (as women) felt exactly this way? This is good stuff, Judy! Keep writing!
Great start for a first entry. Just remember, as someone very wise told me early on, paragraphs are your friend - makes your entries much easier to read.
I'm looking forward to future entries - keep 'em coming!
Great piece of writing! I love the way you interspersed past and present to tell John's story. Your writing style is "tight" - as in, very neat; you use an economy of words that clearly conveys your meaning and emotion and doesn't lose the reader in a tangle of wordiness. This is a very well-executed story. Impressive work. Whatever you do, keep writing. You have talent.
I freely admit to not having a great deal of knowledge about poetry, but I do know when I read poetry that touches me and this did. You have perfectly captured the cascading emotions of the heart of every artist - whatever his or her particular art may be.
I love this piece - it's beautiful. Great work. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Bravo! This is a very well written piece. You have a gift of drawing the reader into your world - which is no simple feat and few writers accomplish this so effortlessly. Your examination of the emotions and effect of laughter is my favorite part of your piece - so very insightful.
There are a few misplaced commas and a couple of grammatical errors, but that's not what I feel is important in these reviews. (And that's why God created editors!) You write from the heart and your writing flows easily. The only suggestion I have would be for the last paragraph. You did such a beautiful job of defining the undefinable, of explaining the elusiveness of humor and its healing effect on all of us. I think it could be even more effective if you could bring it back around to YOU in the last sentence, instead of relating how the comedian feels, can you make it more personal, relate it back to yourself? The whole piece had such an intimate feel - as if the reader was really in your head - until the last few lines and then it felt like you distanced yourself and, consequently, your readers.
Overall, I love this piece and I think you are an amazing writer. I would love to read more of what you have written. Keep writing - you're good at it!
Kay Jordan
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