Gervic, just wanted to say that I stumbled across your shop quite by accident and your work is beautiful. I am a fellow student with you in the Native American Studies and I don't recall you plugging your shop in introductions. I will have to add you to my favs and do plug yourself, maybe others are not aware. I am looking for a fantasy signature, and I will definitely keep your shop in mind.
Oh how I loved this poem as I am a stargazer myself. I was out in the yard this morning at three am to try and catch a glimpse of the end of the most recent meteor shower. I am not sure if the "Holy Seven" are the same as Pleiades, but I look for the constellation evey night that I get the chance. Having read your poem and the notation concerning the Hindu Mythology, I find myself ready to do a little research. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful poem with us.
A very touching and telling poem. It speaks of tenderness and pain, longing and inspiration, youth and old age; areas we are all touched by. Yet for me I see a young girl in a war torn village and I weep for her and I pray that peace will reign soon for all mankind. Personally, I did not see any areas for improvement. I think you have done an excellent job with this poem.
Very well written. Your knowledge of military tactics shines through in this piece. It appears that you have a considerable amount of knowledge of the Civil War or you had done extensive research. Your characters are strong, believable and come to life through their actions. The scene transitions are smooth. The dialogue was great and it was easy to follow. Excellent job! Keep writing strong.
But for a few mispelled words this would be a perfect piece. Line eight, "taring" should be "tearing" and "seems" should be "seams", and in the next to last line, "tares" should be "tears". The purpose of pointing out errors is not to discoruage, but to give an opportunity to the writer to correct so that they achieve perfect scores in the future. Keep writing strong.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings. They always know when we are pulling their legs. I loved this piece, thank you for sharing. Keep writing strong.
This item is very positive and upbeat. Your directions were clear and easy to follow and your enthusiasm comes through loud and clear. While I have been a member for several years, I have never seen the "Blogging Challenge". Where do I sign up? Just kidding, I am in the process of doing that right now.
Beautiful, well written and so full of truth. Very refreshing to see someone deal with a spititual subject in this way. The dialogue was well written and filled with emotion and it helped carry the story from beginning to end. While this was written for a contest and had to adhere to the word count rules, you could take this to the next level, it has great potential for a longer work. Enjoyed it immensely, great job.
Although short, this poem has an awesome message. So simply stated how the wasting of time can allow life to slip right past us. You covered alot of territory is a small space and the last line was priceless to me. The lines were crisp and clean and the piece flowed easily. Good job.
While the story is touching and beautiful, it needs a little work. The characters need to be fleshed out a little more, adding more depth and giving them more voice. The plot and overall theme is very fluid and pulls you right along with it. However, the transitions came much too fast. Rather that a slow stroll through someone's life, it felt like speed reading. Do not change the story itself, but go back through and fill in some of the blanks. There are many areas that you can add depth through description. Describe what the characters are wearing, like Joe's white suit. The scents surrounding them at the fair in the beginning would be another aspect you could use to bring the story to life. Tell me the color of their eyes and the sounds they are hearing. Make me feel like I am there with them experienceing the sights and sounds of the era.
What a hook? I was ready for the next chapter! I rated the article 4.5 for the following reason. While your characters were interesting, they could be fleshed out a little more, just to make them seem more real. Your visual cues for the school were strong, and I could actually walk down the halls with you. Your characters would benefit from the same attention to detail. The storyline, plot and flow were great and made me want to keep reading. Please let me know when you post more of this, I would love to read it.
Bravo! Bravo again! I love the characters and I can't wait to see where this story is going. Very strong story line, strong characters, good background, great dialogue. This is the type of novel I love. I think you are doing a great job and each chapter pulls me right into the next. Excellent!
Beautiful lyrics, beautiful rhyme. Strong emotions, questions and theme. Excellent job. Continue and someone will come across your path who will help you put these words to music. You have a gift and you will succeed. Continue writing and the way will open for you.
While this was a beautiful poem, I would encourage you should check your spelling and punctuation. I don't say this to criticize, you are truly gifted and you should put your writing in the best light you possibly can. Part of the review process at Writing.com is to critique our weak spots, to help us put a high gloss on our work. Your talent with words and rhyme is very evident. Simple errors like spelling and punctuation can cause you to be overlooked in contests and the like. I would like to see you succeed in your efforts. Sometimes it is hard for us to see the little flaws when someone else sees them easily. If you are unsure, just have someone read over your work before you post. Just a suggestion to help you on your way. Continue writing and I look forward to reading you in the future!
Beautiful poem, beautifully written and from someone beautifully new! You did an excellent job with this poem, and I am sure God is going to do an excellent job with you. Just remember that you are new every morning, and start each day with gratefulness. You can't miss. He has given you a wonderful talent, use it for his glory and you can never go wrong. He is the best employer you will ever have. God bless and enjoy the holiday season.
Once again beautiful work. You are one of my favorites! I love your compassion and use of emotion. Your writing to me is flawless, I love the rhyme and rythym of your poetry. Keep up the good work and I will continue to read. Maybe you could to an anthology of your poems and use the proceed to help the world! It is possible.
Very good story. Strong characters, with good background. Actions make characters seem very real. Good use of history in story. Good finish to chapter, drawing you in to the rest of the story. I look forward to the next chapter. Good job, keep up the good work.
Good job. I really liked this poem except for the fifth stanza. For some reason, it just didn't fit to me. Other than that, you did a wonderful job on the subject.
Excellent. Very well written. Your execution of this story was wonderful. Your descriptions and attention to detail, however small draws the reader in completely. Who knew you could get so much out of small box of chocolates. Very delightful story indeed.
Once again, excellent job. You have captured the feel of a nation in pain. If this is a song, I would love to have the music, so that I might sing it. I really enjoy your work. Your rhythm and flow are great, and the rhyming is wonderful. You have a very natural talent and gift. Thank you.
Beautifully written and thank you from this American. Your words describe the horror that everyone felt on that terrible day in history. You spoke of the emotions that everyone was going through. I liked the fact that you opened this piece with normal activities and followed with the catastrophic events. Very good job indeed. Keep up the good work.
Very poignant and beautifully written. Thanks for the gentle reminder, "Lest we forget". The subject was handled very well. The rhythm was very good. I scored this one perfect for you have done a wonderful job on this poem. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Ms. Buxton, I must say that you sound like a truly delightful individual. Life throws us many curves and seems like you have handled them with grace and humor. I loved your bio, and will be on the look out for your book. You did an excellent job with this bio and sharing yourself. Look forward to reading more of your work. Keep up the great work!
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