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Review of 10 Days of Spring  Open in new Window.
for entry "Visions of Cobalt" Open in new Window.
Review by Kishi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the imagery in your story. It's so vivid I can see everything clearly. The style is also very memorable. Kind of like a cross between literary and commercial fiction. Like "Name of the Wind." But with this kind of style, you also have to be careful about some words. Since it's so vivid, one misplaced/misused word can halt the reader and make it a little confusing. Take for example:

"the bare soles of her feet slapping against the cool stone slabs of the floor"

I can see her walking like someone without finesse, when the rest of the narrative is showing that she is. The word slapping means that her footsteps are heavy. Maybe you can change it with the word 'tap' or something just as soft.

Also, I seem to be having a sort of disconnect from the way she "speaks" to the rest of the narrative. Her speech sounds archaic while the narrative sounds elegantly modern. She sounds like a very, very old soul compared to the rest of the narrative. I think the voice of the narrative and the characters should be similar, unless your character is someone who has lived hundreds of years in the past.
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