I would be very interested in seeing where this is going. It does have that whole dark future kind of vibe to it, very V for Vendetta, CyberPunk, and other such dark futures. Good luck with this, and if you need someone to reading it as you go just let me know. I am not much of an editor, but I love the Cyberpunk universe, and am at feeling out if something makes sense, or has the over all feel a person is going for. (:
I liked it. I am very interested to see where it goes, which is always a good sign for any piece. You get a good feel for who the characters are, without giving you too much information at any one time. There is a great sense of where things take place and whats going on around them.
I saw you were looking for ideas for where to go next, maybe play out a fight with the hated cousin, with flash backs as to why he is such a sore point? Or even have Randy set up some sort of charity to help other people out? Who would know better how to help and what they need then someone who has been there?
This brought tears to my eyes. Partly cause I too suffer depression, I have wanted to kill myself at least twice a year for the last 17 years or so. If this is how you really feel I am sorry no one is listening to you. If its not, then its an amazingly on point piece that captures those feelings nicely. The one thing I would recommend you work on though (and given the nature of the piece I almost didn't say anything) but more punctuation would help it read a little easier. And just in case, know you aren't alone out there hon, there are quite a few of us who hurt, who cry, who always feel like nothing we do is ever enough.
I enjoyed this, it has a great sense of whimsy to it. It was allot of fun to read. I was a bit confused by how the dragon would seem awe inspiring and this great ancient thing one moment, and then kind of unsure of itself the next though.
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