I love it! Short, sweet, and to the point! It looks like you took one small, tiny thought, and turned it into a great short story. The legnth is perfect in my opinion, you said what needed to be said without going overboard - or not saying enough for that matter. The words you chose to write the story with fit perfectly, I think no other synonyms could have sufficed. The one and only thing I have to pick at is, in the first sentence you wrote: One day, the sky fell, and darkness decended upon the human race. - I can't help but question the second comma. Don't quote me, but I'm not sure if it's necessary, and it might even read better without it completely. Of course, the decision is up to you, I just thought I might bring up the possibility. Other than that, great work! WRITE ON!
Great collection of poetry. I love all of the poems that were put together in this file, they make up a really awesome collection and all of them go together perfectly. You should turn them into a poetry book, they would be great, I would totally buy it! Changeling is really a great poem, very unique! WRITE ON!
I love all of these poems. They all have quite a different view on completely different subjects, and I think that's why this will be a collection that everyone can enjoy. My favorite would have to be alone. I do have a few suggestions for you, though. Firstly, with all of your poems above, I noticed that you are not very consistant with your punctuation. The last one has a lot of periods to end the lines, and it's a stopping point at the end of every single line, it wouldn't hurt to leave some punctuation off of a few lines so that the reader can simply flow on through to the next line. Good Bye My Love is a nice poem, and there wasn't anything wrong with that one, that I noted. Faded Love has scary punctuation, it almost makes me wondering if you were trying to use punctuation or trying NOT to use punctuation. Either way, I think some consistant punctuation would be a great addition to these poems. Other than that, great ideas, great writings, WRITE ON!
Great poem! It has great values and it can have many different meanings, and I really love that about this poem. There was one line that I noticed "This road I walk was carved for me to walk" using walk in the same line felt a little bit redundant to me while I was reading it. You might consider taking off "to walk" or changing one of the "walk"s to stroll or another synonym of "walk". It might help it flow better. Other than that it's a great poem and I didn't notice anything else worth changing it's quite good! WRITE ON!
This poem is quite good, it has a great idea behind it and answers questions that many people have. The flow of the poem is very good for a free form poem, I've read a lot of free form poetry and most of the time their flow has come out extremely choppy, but this poem has a nice rhythem to it. My only suggestion for this poem is to add some punctuation, as that might help the flow even more. But, that is just my opinion. WRITE ON!
That is really harsh. I couldn't imagine being in that situation myself, I would probably freek out much more than you did. This story really does give everyone a reality check, and that's good, we all need one from time to time. I didn't notice any errors as I read through your story. WRITE ON!
Really, really good short story. I simply loved it! The characters are very realisitic, especially for a short story, I was pleasently surprised by that. Also, the punctuation and grammar couldn't be more perfect, I really didn't notice anything wrong with it at all. The story line is absolutely brilliant, the discriptions are excellent. It's just a really, really awesome story. WRITE ON!
Great story! I love that last line, the ending, it leaves the ready quite satisfied with the overall story, a great closing. I love the horses, and the overall scene. The characters could be a little bit stronger, you might want to work on adding a few details about them, maybe hair color, or eye color or something that sets them apart more, makes them more realistic, you know? Other than that, I don't have anything worth picking on. Your story is very good, and I really enjoyed reading it. WRITE ON!
This is a cute little poem, one that I really enjoyed reading. In fact, it's breakfast time right now where I am, this makes me hungry. I love how each line rhymes with the next. The flow is decent and the imagery is awesome! WRITE ON!
First, let me start out by saying Welcome to Writing.com!
This is a very nice poem. Slightly long, but nice and meaningful all the same. I found that I could really relate to this poem in many different ways, and I'm sure that others who read this would agree. The words you use aren't used often so that makes this poem a diamond for sure. The only suggestions that I have for you (and keep in mind these are my opinions ONLY, use your own judgement) is to think about shortening the poem, or run some of the lines together. And my other suggestion is to add more punctuation where it is needed.
Overall, this poem flows very well, I kept up with it the entire time, and it wasn't, at all, confusing as a lot of poems are. And I like that. WRITE ON!
This is a truely touching and sad story. I like the ending, it eases away from the crash, and I like that it wasn't so sudden. I believe that this is the best that anyone, at all, could have done in writing this story. It definitely caught my interest and it kept me reading through until the end. The characters are strong, and the moral of the story is one that is said, but it never really seems to sink in: Don't drink and Drive!
This is a really nice story I can see why it won first place in the Short Shots contest! I love the picture associated with the story, it makes it even better. It's a really good story for a short story, the characters are really detailed and believeable. I didn't notice any errors in your work. WRITE ON!
Another good chapter. Can't wait to read chapter four. This is the chapter where it's really starting to get into the story. The readers know just enough to understand the story and now they can focus on the story its self, and the reason for writing it. WRITE ON!
Another excellent chapter! I throughly enjoyed it. This chapter reveals some more details about the character and it really introduces necessary aspects of the story its self; things that need to be written for the reader to understand. I found a few more errors in this chapter than I did in the chapter before, but I noted them in the EPs. Other than that, there isn't anything else that I found wrong with it. Very good, very captivating!
A very interesting first chapter! Normally I would have rated it 4.0 stars, but this is the first chapter, the real catcher, and you did manage to do just that, catch me and grab me into the story. I was able to jump right into the mass of characters right away. Immeaditely I was able to get into their heads and see what this story might be about. The hardest part of writing a book is always starting and beginning it. You did really well though.
Would I be wrong in saying that you know/knew your characters very well at the time you wrote this? It seems very well planned out. I only noticed the error that I pointed out in the edit point. Something else I wanted to point out was how short the paragraphs were. It might not hurt to see if you can go through them and see if you can legenth them a bit, even join some paragraphs together. Other than that, excellent work! WRITE ON!
This is so sad! I LOVE IT! I love the style of poetry that you used, the way it gets bigger and then it grows smaller again. Excellent flow. And of course, there weren't any errors. My favorite part was line #7. WRITE ON!
This entire poem is really excellent, beautiful, and touching. The entire poem flows really, really well, except for the last line. It's just sounds too long. The poem has a feel of naturality, almost as if the lines of the poem just go that way naturally. Each line moves smoothly onto the next. And, I just loved it, I really did. WRITE ON!
Another beautiful song. I love the title, "The Greatest Treasure". It's very beautiful. I didn't notice any errors in the lyrics, and the entire song flows very nicely. There isn't anything in your work that I would change. WRITE ON!
Very beautiful. I've never been to Ireland, but I sure do adore that green place. This song represents Ireland very well. "Far more than forthy shades of green" I love that line. A happy and cheerful song, I love songs of these types. WRITE ON!
This is really good, quite enjoyable. Your characters are right on target, I can tell already. It is very entertaining, and jumping right into the story was easy to do for a short story. I found the ending quite surprising, the aliens are like little bugs! And and that little tid bit right there just lined up the story together very well. WRITE ON!
This is a really funny story, I really did enjoy reading it. It's quite clever if I do say so myself. *chuckle and grin* You and your friend are really good writers. I do reccommend changing the apostriphies to quotation marks though, but other than that, wonderful story!
This is a good starting, you're right, it could use some work. Some people will pick on the fact that it's not properly formatted for internet viewing (I don't though). (Just in case you weren't aware, you're supposed to double space each line, to properly format it for internet viewing)
It kind of disturbed me that your sentences are so short, especially towards the end. Everything here is good, it just annoyed me as an individual. I would reccommend attempting to be more windy with your sentences, not too windy, you just need a tad more words in your sentences.
I didn't notice any errors as I read through it. I enjoyed the actual story, it was good, it has a good beginning.
I like this story, and I really love the the title, it's what lured me in, Vampire Vacation. Really neat. I didn't see any errors as I read through the story. What I didn't like about this story is how you used present tense, I don't think I've read very many stories, if any at all, that are present tense. And to be honest, it detered me from the previous chapters. I really liked this story, and I think it can go far, the characters are strong, and plot is well developing. WRITE ON!
Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
I really liked the first person feel of this story. You tell an interesting story. It kept my attention. Just by reading one chapter, I couldn't really tell how strong the other characters were, but I felt that the main character was really strong and well put together. Would I be wrong is saying that you know a lot about this character? That's the vibe that I got from this. There is a lot of emotion and instances where the characters have to "act fast" and I like that, I think that's one of the things that kept my interest. Anyways, very well done! I didn't spot any errors!
A nice poem with a good rhyme scheme. I really like the meloncholy feeling of this poem, and the legnth of the lines go well with the poem too. I didn't notice any errors and there is nothing that I would change. WRITE ON!
Live Long Laugh Hard1
KittyNadem
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittynadem
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 6:50am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Other than that, great work! WRITE ON!
WRITE ON!
This is a cute little poem, one that I really enjoyed reading. In fact, it's breakfast time right now where I am, this makes me hungry.