Subject-
Your story is about a girl who is silent and appears to have a great talent with a very complex mind that displays itself through art. It is also about her brother's feelings about her silence and how he is uneasy around her and also mesmerized by her.
Imagery
You did a great job on showing imagery in this story. You explained in great detail how each character felt and responded to what was going on around them. Through descriptions, you "showed"the reader the story.
Yes, you found that the dancer leaps and bends just as the rest of us do in life. This poem moved smoothly. I appreciate the effort that you put into it and the irony that reveals itself towards the end. Kind of makes you realize though that good is all in the perspective, not the dance. :) Great job!
Julymfox,
This is a beautiful story! It really held my attention, as I couldn't pull myself away while reading it. I actually felt as though this was me (when I was a little younger) and I felt the pangs of feeling like I wasn't pretty compared to other people. Then as I read on, and the story became more positive, I felt better...even prettier. This was a very moving short story. Thank you for the great read!
~Pristine Poetic
Kings,
Your poem made me feel emotional as I read where you are coming from in your thoughts with the memory of being all in one bed on the cold nights. Then you go on to explain how the others admired you. It kind of goes from light to dark as we enter the scene of brother Wayne having cancer and enduring death, only to be enlightened by the news that God is waiting in heaven with Mom and Dad...VERY inspiring! Thank you for sharing your poem!
~KE
This short story was pleasant to read. I like how it transitioned. The only thing that seems a bit off to me is the "future general" portion. If someone has not gone to college prior to entering the military - they will come in as an enlisted soldier and will be on the track to be an NCO, not an officer. This was such a small thing though that it didn't take away from the story. I really enjoyed reading it and I felt good that Tony was able to see how his previous perspective of soldiers was incorrect - there really are great soldiers and most of them are really good people. Great job on this one! :) -KE
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