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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/krymsan
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9 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of My son is a punk  Open in new Window.
Review by Krymsan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I sometimes wonder if that's what my mom thinks of me. If I'm "her disapointment". I dye my hair crazy colours, I do things a little unorthadox sometimes, but all in all I'm a pretty good person.

I wouldn't worry too much about your son. As long as he's healthy and happy, I'm sure he will do well.. After you give him the boot and he realizes that even if he doesn't "like" to work, he has to.
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Review of I wonder...  Open in new Window.
Review by Krymsan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't know why.. but I totally love this poem.

I'm not a huge poetry fan either, I don't often read poems. I think it's the rhyming I really like. It seems almost catchy, like when you hear a song on the radio, and it sounds really good. Yes, like that.

It's also a really great topic. Surprisingly a lot of people fall for there best friends. Once in highschool, and once in my early adult hood... so the best advice I can give you... Let them know. There is only two ways that can go. Badly and goodly (Goodly? Really Kryms... that's what your going to say?). No, it can go right or wrong (yes, that sounds better).

What I'm trying to say is you never know, until you try- and your going to drive yourself nutters if you don't say anything. Who knows, you could be missing out on the best times of your life if you never do.

Anyway, good luck. If it all goes to the crapper, at least you got some really good poetry out of it?.... :D
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Review by Krymsan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I think with a little bit more fleshing out, and some editing this could be really really good.

I like broken home stories, and this one strikes a particular cord with me. My mother didn't die, but she stopped coming home. I being the oldest took the role of house keeper, cook, and mother. This lasted about 2yrs, and it was pretty much hell. My mom and Dad had split up years ago, and my mom had met a man and had twins with him, so I had 3 younger siblings to look after.

The short and short of it was, her boyfriend would come home drunk most nights. Drag me out of bed and make me do any misc chores that weren't completed during the day. My life went like this: Get up, go to school, come home, upon entering be handed two screaming two year olds by mother, watch her leave, cook, clean, do laundry, etc, until sleep, get woken up by mom's drunk boyfriend wondering where she is, have to do extra chores when he can find them, more sleep and then repeat.

So instantly I know how the main character feels. having lived it, I'm not certain if other people will by your description (but I think that can totally be clarified with some good editing and fleshing out).

You also haven't really described what any of the characters look like yet. I know that the family is Indian because of your story description and the mother was wearing a Sari. But I don't know what the characters really look like. You don't have to put in a "this is what I look like, I have long black hair, brown eye's, etc.", but maybe a few describing sentences here and there.

For instance: "I stared at the old man. It had been a long time since I had seen him, and I couldn't quite be sure it was really him. He looked down at me, and gave me a soft friendly smile. I had seen that smile on my mother, and my little sister many times before. I looked down at the girl holding my hand tightly, and her lips had the same curve and thinness to them. Subconciously I touched my own lips and tried to smile and feel it with my fingers."

You can draw attention to family similareties, differences, etc. Okay, I'm not really a great writer myself. But I like to think that I'm helping not hurting. You can also use other things to describe characters like, actions.

"My little sister, though her head came just under my armpit, aimed a kick at my head." This gives the reader an idea of her hieght and flexability.

So those are my pointers so far. Keep up the good work!
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Review by Krymsan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Of course I would review something like this! This is totally up my alley. I really like Holly Black's books, well... I really liked Valiant. Tithe and Ironside were okay. Oh yes, and Artemis Fowl is the pwn sauce.

Anyway, first off, does it hurt? I feel the confusion the character feels, the revulsion, the "why me?" But what does it actually feel like to have wings sprouting from ones shoulder blades? Does it hurt? Is the sking tender, is it warm and tingly? As a reader I see what's going on in the surface, I see the wings coming out like new plant growth in the spring. But I need to know what the character feels to make a real connection you know?

Again, I like your style. This would probably be something that I would read if it were published, and I'm excited to see how the story unfolds.
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Review of Tech Hotchpotch  Open in new Window.
Review by Krymsan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked it. I agree, like you, I'm a tech person. I've got a desk top, netbook, digital camera, tablet, ipod- hell, I even have an ebook reader.

I often wonder if I'm a slave to tech. Should I be spending more time with family and friends? So I spent a whole year with virtually no access and doing everything the "old" way. I think I was allowed 30mins a day computer use and no TV, I didn't take any tech with me, except a little mp3 player that only held a CD or two worth of songs... and that was mostly because a CD player was too big for my bags.

I wrote letters, and you can't believe the joy of having a hand written letter addressed to you in the mail. It's not like a facebook message or an email. It's personally addressed to you, someone you love took the time of day to write you something. It was awesome.

I started making jewlery, I learned how to bake bread, the whole world was open to me. I spent nights reading and staying up late and talking with friends. I don't think that I had ever really lived so much in a year.

Now, I can't really "watch" TV... I have to do something like paint or sew or do something creative. The computer I use all day at work, so when I go home, I might briefly check my facebook, add songs to my ipod, and then it's pretty much it.

I did recently get an ebook reader though, but I'm planning to do more traveling, and I love reading so I can justify it by not wanting to carry a bunch of books around with me.

Anyway, I really liked your article. You never know how much you are missing until you pull the plug. I think your wrting style is good. I like your characterization of the sun, it really draws the reader in. It's also a very good topic to write about in this day, as a lot of children seem to be "babysat" by the TV or gaming systems instead of being encouraged to play outside.

Thank you for reminding me of a time when I didn't need TV or a computer, and the apprecaition of the simplist things, like getting mail or a simple phone call and not a text message.
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