It's really nicely written, good prose, the narrative keeps you interested.
Just a couple of things though.
Maybe you might wanna consider swearing a little less in your work. I can understand that in a lot of places it was for effect and realism, but in quite a few places it seemed a little pushed.
Also, some of the dialogue between the characters seems a little flat and cliche. Try and fix that and you're good to go!
Hey Deborah,
Your piece of flash fiction is really nicely written, love the use of language, and it's pretty impactful.
However, as a humble suggestion, maybe try and improve the beginning a little bit, with some sort of hook. You really enjoy doing descriptions, and you're very good at it, but maybe try and tone down just a little bit on those?
Otherwise it's really nice.
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