Ha, this was a very funny poll. You crakced me up with your commentary on the choices! I don't know exactly what I would choose, that is a tough one...and great question, it really makes you think, and keep up the great poll work!!!
I greatly enjoyed your song. You have a BEAUTIFUL voice, and I love the message that you portrayed in your lyrics. I think many say they fight for their friends/family, but don't they realize that they are killing people that are doing the same thing (fighting for their friends/family). It's strange at how our logic is nowadays. I support our troops, but I support peace even more!!!
Wow, tough question! I think that since my fiance is a punk/gamer, and he deals with me and my hippie ways, I wouldn't really have a problem with it. I am sure it may be a little awkward in public, with people staring, but clothes are clothes. I wouldn't condone short mini skirts and tube tops since I don't even think they are appropriate on girls, but hey, if it makes him happy and comfortable, then I say he should do what his heart tells him too! Great question, I enjoyed thinking about it!
Whew. It was a relief to see that 574 out of 848 (over half) people voted in support! Last year, or the year before, I can't remember which, I found my brother on the infamous 'myspace'. All I knew was his name. I had no clue as to where he lived, his age or anything. But once I contacted him (finding out he's 47 days older) and we got to talking, he divulges that he's gay! I have problem with that, never have, but it was surprising. But now I have come to love him, and I hear that his boyfriend treats him with respect and kindness, and I know that they are truly in love. It's sad to think that some people wouldn't want them to be togehter in a marital way. To call each other their spouses and be bonded together in that way. It's sad, to think that he has to go to certain places in order to get married, while others will look down on them. GOsh, sorry for writing so much, I feel strongly on the subject. I hope that if you are against it, I didn't sound like I was pushing my beliefs or anything on you. But other than that, great poll, and thanks for the question!
This gave me chills. It takes great writing to do that! I think you wrote this beautifully. I couldn't even fathom of one little thing that you could change. I love the message you portrayed, and I think this is written perfectly. Great job- I LOVED IT!
Great job on this piece. I do believe that you should check your syllable count, it goes: 8 8 7 7 7. Other than that, I think you did a great job! I too entered this contest with "Invalid Item" , I found it a lot of fun.
I think this is a great idea for a contest. I will definitely bookmark it so that I can read the entries as well, so thank you for creating this, I can't wait for others to enter!
I think you had put a comma at the end of the 3rd stanza rather than a period. Other than that, I can't find anything else! I like this a lot better, great job with it! Talk to ya later!!
I really like the idea of this piece. I think you did a great job on how you wrote this. Your rhymes were not forced, it was as if you were telling a story, that by sheer coincedence, rhymed! Great job, I enjoyed reading this. Here are some suggestions:
Stanza One
Line One
Nothing! Line Two
Nothing! Line Three
The connection now is forged... Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza Two
Line One
Nothing! Line Two
Nothing! Line Three
Our peephole has just weakened... Line Four But now another hole appears.
Stanza Three
Line One
Nothing! Line Two
I find... (with ellipses) Line Three
Enemy spies that are waiting Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza Four
Line One
Nothing! Line Two
And the spies have been long gone, Line Three I put my trust in one true thing Line Four
That together, we are strong.
*I hope you know there are only suggestions, and I rated this on what I thought of the piece, not on what it could be.
~K.L. Carpenter
I LOVED THIS!!! I went through the same battle until I decided that I am not going to believe what my parents want me to believe, I mean, that isn't what "believe in" is, right? So I decided to believe what I wanted to believe, and I feel so refreshed, whole and new. My parents hate the fact that I am wiccan, considering I was raised a christian and they are firm, believers, but that have learned to accept it. Sorry for writing so much, I was just able to connect (one sign of great writing...)
I have a couple suggestions:
Stanza One
Line One
Nothing! Line Two
Nothing! Line Three A powerful call... Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza One
Line One I am... Line Two I can't... Line Three
Maybe try: swelling power here... Line Four
Stanza Three I loved this stanza!
Line One
Nothing! Line Two
Nothing! Line Three
Nothing! Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza Four
Line One I am Line Two I can't... Line Three
...maybe you can switch it each time, like this time forming power here... Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza Five
Line One I am playing... Line Two
All that was... Line Three
Nothing! Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza Six
Line One I am Line Two I can't... Line Three
...longing power here... Line Four
Nothing!
Stanza Seven
Line One The struggle is finally over Line Two
Nothing! Line Three
Nothing!-LOVE that line! Line Four
...what I am
~K.L. Carpenter
Ha! How cute! I loved the originality of this piece! I would do like a character description at the beginning to make them sound more redneck-y, but that's all I have to suggest!! I can't wait till I read the next one!
This was beautifully written. I see now why it won an awardicon! I honestly loved this piece, and thank you for sharing it with me. You wrote it so well, the vocab you used and the descriptions. I was able to envision this tiny old lady, so you must have done a great job.
Great job writing this. I enjoy reading poetry that is more dark than light. I think you did a great job writing this, you had a lot of emotion and imagery.I hope to read more of your work soon. Keep up the good writing, and write on!
Great job! There was only one thing I noticed...if she was talking to him in the cell phone, wouldn't he hear her talking if she was standing right behind him? You may want to say she walked forward and pulled off the wig or something. Just a suggestion though! Other than that, I thought you did a fantastic job! I too, entered the contest with "Invalid Item" but I enjoyed yours better!
I am so sorry for your loss of Wicket. I thought that was interesting that you named him that, before finding out the name of the stud! When I was younger, my grandma bred shi tzus in Ontario, CA, and my mom would style my hair n a ponytail on top, and call it such a name.
I actually think it's cute that Pippin has an underbite, it seems to add personality!
Congrats on your new dog, and may have many long, happy, healthy years ahead of him!
I think that is a great resource for all newbies out there! You posted it in a direct, easy to understand way, and I think that will really help anyone that needs it. Gosh, I didn't even know what some of those looked like!
I really like the idea of this, and most of it was wel written. I do have some suggestions:
1) Add punctuation to the ends. I used to write like that, but after reading it, it's difficult to read because people don't know when to pause, and when to pause for the ends of sentences.
2)This line doesn't make sense with the use of 'As' and "yet'. Consider changing it to: As darkness nears, Not one soul hears" or something similar.
3)This line doesn't work either, "Of sorrow; corrodes
The weeping heart". Maybe: "Of sorrow, sorroding the weeping heart" or something.
4) This line too, doesn't read well: "Rusty dagger withdrawn, The hand unseen, She retreats with keen" Keen here is an adjective, so it can't be used as a noun, unless this 'Keen' is a person. But that really wouldn't work either. Maybe try this?:
The rusty dagger's withdrawn
The hand unseen,
The act obscene."
5) The third stanza seems like a bunch of fragments. Maybe try:
This house of God,
This host of Death,
It's former master;
A filthy wretch,
Called the Grand Priestess"
6)you shoudl try editing this as well "On faiths corrupting Kind The heretic, A lack of Faith. Maybe try: Like corrupting the kind, coverting the heretic, and those lacking faith"
I also did not quite understand the last line. Maybe try: A world where no women are seen or something along those lines.
I hope this helps, I had a very hard time trying to understand this, but I did my best offering corrections, it's your choice on whether or not you choose to change it.
I'd add punctuation to the ends, blah blah, yadda yadda.
BUT I LOVED IT! I know it was short, but I don't think it would sound much better if it were longer. I like it short and descriptive. It grabs the readers attention, and before the reader has a chance to press the 'back' button, the poem is finished.
I suggest you add some punctuation to the ends of the lines, but that is my only qualm about this piece. Great job, you really captured the magic within this, and taught a very good lesson!
I think that I just read the best poem...out of all the poems I have ever read. You did an amazing job here!!! I thin kthere is one part you should loo into, however, right after "She's a promise always broken" I don't know how to fix it, but the following couple lines don't seem to flow as perfect with the rest of this brilliant work, and I think it is becasue the next line beneath 'broken' has 10 syllables, while most others have 7. Even if this isn't changed, I still feel as though my breath was taken away. Great job!!!
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