Very true haiku. It could definently be quotable but it's 4-7-5 currently, perhaps try and tag on a syllable eh? I truly like this haiku though, it sort of makes me feel more earthly and one with the world.
I think you really have a lot of potential to evolve this poem into something great! However, the rhyme scheme is a bit dynamic in the sense that it suddenly changes and quits rhyming, a few grammitcal errors but as long as legiable it's really not a problem, it's just more of a professional thing that gives it a polished look by using spell check to make sure it's a satisfactory final draft. I suggest you could add a bit of depth, the current version seems a bit generic, hopefully this review is read and recieved as constructive criticism! If you'd ever like any help or further suggestions please feel free to let me know!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ladudeabides
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 7:46pm on Dec 11, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
