While the overall emotion that this poem evokes is strong, it is also almost undefinable. I'm not sure if I'm empowered by the power behind the narrator, saddened by a death, or frightened of the effects of karma.
The last line of each stanza, the change in rhythm and syllables makes it awkward to read. I like that each last line is equal to the others, however using shortened versions of already slang words like "slam" makes it feel like (as a reader) I'm not a part of the story. I do not feel like I'm really being invited into your poem.
Overall, the emotion the piece brings out is great, but maybe help to define what people are supposed to be feeling rather than making them feel, lost in the end. Wonderful piece and I hope to see more from you.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ladyartsong
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:05am on Nov 17, 2024 via server WEBX1.