What a beautiful moment, I felt as though I were there. I am curious what part of the county it takes place in?
From a critique's point of view and I am not all that great at it, it seems you captured the moment in the first paragraph and continued too long to explain what you had already perfected in the first five sentences ...does that make sense ?
You do not have to use the word beautiful more than once as you immediatly captrued that word the first time you wrote it.
Oh my gosh, Donavan must be real in your life ?
GBTS
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