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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/larkinzahra
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Review by mystiKal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
First of all, your lyrics have a really noble message. Even the description you wrote for 'Poverty and Power': 'Make poverty history. IT IS POSSIBLE! MESSAGE FOR G8 SUMMIT', it is admirable and very optimistic in a way. If you look towards life like you're looking to the situation of poverty, I'm sure that you'll succeed in all things you want.

Now I'll concentrate on your lyrics. As said the message is very important and it is a good one but I think that your lyrics could be written with the same message even without any rhyme. This happens because if no words could be found to rhyme with your wanted verse, then what you really want to say can be disrupted. So you can change somme verses to come out with a more powerful message than it is now. I am refferring to this part:

'In the third world children are piled,
Thousands of them die ev'ry day,
Poverty is their daily plight.'.

The part I liked most is this:

'Do you care? Will you fight?
For you have the power,
You know it can't be right
So many 'buds' don't flower.'.

I sincerely like this item and I hope that I'll have the opportunity to continue reading your writings... if they are of this level thay will surely entertain me while reading them. Also, if by any chance you modify these lyrics I would be glad to read it again and review it for you.

Best regards...
mystiKal.
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