Leila's (leila_oa) Reviews

Leila

Review Requests: OFF

131 Public Reviews Given

149 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3636665

Review of Brazilian Cultural Experience

Review by Leila

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi C.J. Brown

,

I'm reviewing "Brazilian Cultural Experience"

on behalf of "Invalid Item"

You put a smile on my face. It's enlightning when you see a foreign view from your own culture. You had trouble with a churrasco and caipirinha. I don't drink alcohol, but churrasco is no challenge for a Brazilian girl. In any case, Brazilian cuisine is more than just meat. I wonder how would you face a feijoada or a vatapá.

The best part of your description were the image you evocate. Instead of saying that you had a headache, you wrote, "They resemble tiny gremlins that reside in the frontal lobe of your brain." There were other passages like that. Well done!

I could find no error in punctuation, and your errors in spelling were only in Portuguese words. Good Job!
Churracaria - is pronounced choo-hass-ka-REE-a
Caiperinha caipirinha
Cachasa cachacha
The plural form of pastel is pastéis.

I liked your writing. I may visit your port later. Keep on writing!

"Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

13+: Closed for judging.

"Invalid Item"

"Save My Membership Auction - Closed"

by BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3635098

Review of Reviewing

Review by Leila

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jeff

,

I'm reviewing "Reviewing"

on behalf of "Invalid Item"

.

This is part from your shower.

It's my pleasure to review your article because I use it often when I'm reviewing short stories and chapters.

How I use your article

I usually read your questions and the story a few times. For each element of a story, you supplied an explanation and some questions. That division helps to structure the review; although sometimes it's hard to write about each element separately.

The questions invite to reflection, and they are not easy to answer. Often I need days to write a review using them. However, I expect that it will become easier over the time.

When I use your article

Your article is specially useful when I am reviewing well written stories. The author does not make any of the easy to comment errors.

Formatting

You divided your article in sections, and every section has a header. The header helps me to locate the information I need at the moment. If I am commenting on characterization, I will read just this part.

Last Words
Thank you for sharing your article. I love it! Great Job!

"Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

13+: Closed for judging.

"Invalid Item"

"Save My Membership Auction - Closed"

by BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3631176

Review of The Wood Carver

Review by Leila

In affiliation with Two-in-One Poetry Contest Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon

,

I will be reviewing you item "The Wood Carver"

as judge of the "Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

. It's my pleasure to review your poem.

Narrative

You told a moving story. The unique point was the characterization. You told a story of a man's life; he grew and he changed. The life teaches us lessons, and the wise learns from them.

Form

The rhyme pattern was consistent all over your long poem.

One day I might do this in Portuguese because in English would take me about a year.

Unfortunatly, I don't have much wisdom to offer you. Just keep writing!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3631100

Review of Before We Go Blind

Review by Leila

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi MagicMoneyMike

,

I will be reviewing you item "Before We Go Blind"

as a judge of the "Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

. Thank you for entering the contest. It's my pleasure to write this review.

Narrative I liked your story because there is some kind of deeper meaning to it. It shows that what we perceive is not always true.

Poetic Devices You used free verse, but the repeated words and internal rhymes confer a enjoyable reading rhythm to your poem.

Grammar/Puntuation I have noticed some punctuation missing. You punctuate most of the sentences correctly, so it is necessary to maintain the consistency.

She hands me a gold magazine filled with glossy pages of pumpkins, turkeys, and evergreen titled “Holiday Fundraiser[.]”

Choosing to look at the gray concrete over an innocent blue sky[,] she walks away with her eyes down.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3623799

Review of How To Write an Encouraging Review

Review by Leila

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi NickiD89

,

I'm reviewing "How To Write an Encouraging Review"

on behalf of "Invalid Item"

I have decided to review your article because I needed help reviewing a short story. I have promised the author an in-depth review as part of a package.

What I liked...
Your article was well organized with subtitles that helps the reader finding the information. That is important because he may come back to look up some information while writing a review.

You gave references, and they provide clear explanation. They are useful for reviewing and writing.

You wrote this article for the Writing.com community. That community has special needs, like learning how to format properly a review and how to use the tools provided by this website. You wrote about reviews templates and review tool. That was nicely done, and it was the real reason of this short review.

You can improve...
I found an error in the template you gave as example. If you write a string of character bigger than 55 without spaces, the system automatically will add a space after the ^55thcharacter. I'm copying and pasting your code below, so you can see the problem.

First Impression: (Please hit enter three times, then type:)
Suggestions: (Please hit enter three times, then type:)
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: (Please hit enter three times.)

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1820794 by Not Available.

Final thoughts
I found important that you said a review should not judge a writer. Unfortunatly that happens from time to time. Great Work!

"Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

"Save My Membership Auction - Closed"

by BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3620536

Review of Writing for NaNoWriMo

for entry "Black"

Review by Leila

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi mars

,

I'm reviewing "Black"

as part of your Shower package from "Invalid Item"

Concept/Premise:
This chapter helped introduce your character.

StoryLine:
You gave away a lot of the character without boring the reader. The woman was trying to sleep, and her thoughts and actions helped to move the story along. We learn that she is a city woman out of her comfort zone.

This chapter might not be the best opening of a novel. You might consider using it to slow down the story pace after a fast paced section.

Characterization:
You made the woman come alive in few words. If this were a chapter of a novel, it would help the reader get acquaintance with your character.

Mechanical/Technical:
I found some typos.

I think you meant "cat's."
How different from the city, where darkness was hardly dark and where she could see her ways, as if she had cats vision.

There is a comma missing.
And yet it always calmed her, when sleep wouldn't come, to start counting the greyed books in the cupboards till her mind went blank[,] and she would turn once more and sleep would take her.

Style:
Your text had a poetic kling to it. I liked very much who it sounded in my mind.

I noticed you used sentence fragments. I don't know if it was deliberate or not. You might consider editing some of them out.
You may refer to Using Sentence Fragments Effectively

Overall:
I read the first chapter and went straight to the others. I liked the beginning, but I could not understand how the following chapters would fit into your novel. You might consider working out a plot before you attempt again. I was one of the challengers in the first round of "Experimental Plot Challenge"

. I haven't completed it, but I discovered a lot about my novel. The second round will start soon, you might consider taking part of it.

Keep on writing! I liked your style a lot.

"Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

13+: Closed for judging.

"Invalid Item"

"Save My Membership Auction - Closed"

by BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

7

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3615871

Review of "Crossing Over"

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi piewhackett1,

I'll be reviewing your story ""Crossing Over""

.

Strong Points:
Your poem was very emotional. I liked the way you told about your childhood with your brothers. It was just a few glimpses, but you showed how close you were.

It's sad to lose a brother, and it must be hard to know you are dying. I felt some sadness, but I felt also peace.

Suggestions:
I have no suggestion to give. Every stanza has a complete thought, and the reading flows well.

Conclusion:
I loved you poem. Keep on writing!

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3615857

Review of Poetic Feet and Meter

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi edgework

,

I'll be reviewing your essay "Poetic Feet and Meter"

.

Overview:
You wrote an amusing article about "poetic feet and meter." That was a new subject for me because only recently I have started trying to read and review poetry. I found specially fascinating that this kind of notion can also be applied to prose.

As I said before, the topic was new to me; therefore, a lot of new terms were introduced. Despite the fact that you provided some clues to help the reader to remember them, I could not understand the article by the first reading, nor the second, nor the third.

It was an article I had to study. I had to read slowly and go back to previous sections. With time, the new vocabulary started to be committed to memory, and my understanding increased. I could identify the strong and weak beats in the sentences that you gave as example.

Suggestions:

You could divide the text in sections, giving each section a subtitle. A few highlights would also be useful. I had to come back and read some parts of your article again, and those suggestions would help me to skim through the text.

Conclusion:

Your article was very educational. Thanks for sharing it with me.

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3614972

Review of Effective Formatting

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Witch-Killer Review by the Grand General Rose of Iron

Thanks to my cunning and experience, I have been ordered to assemble an army to kill the Green Witch.

I have been trained since youth to be a witch slayer. Now, to get an army, I have to bestow on selected writers my infinite wisdom.
As a general, I am strict, but I am also fair. I will not give you a 5 star rating if your piece does not deserve it. Please remember, I just want to help, and I will help you most if I am honest.

Overview

One of the rules of writing is "Show, don't tell." You have shown that a bad formatting makes hard to read a text.

Congrats Writer! You got it right.

You effectively showed the difference between good and bad format. I jumped the first part.

You explained the formatting options allowed at WdC. Most of your explanations were clear.

The WdC Academy waits for you.

Your article belongs to the WdC Academy library; however, the librarians are really picky. They have a few suggestions for you.

You wrote, "WDC doesn't have the ability to automatically double-space a document," but that's not true -- you can set this option by clicking on the check box. For me, this check box adds the "ability to automatically double-space a document." You might have contradict yourself.

You should advise the reader that different type of fonts and colors might difficult the text reading.

You may use emoticons in novels to separate scenes, for example. Another common usage is in reviews. One point about formatting reviews: if you write a string of characters without space longer than 55, the system automatically adds a space after the 55^th character.

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1820794 by Not Available.

A few pearls of my wisdom

Your article is very useful. Keep on the good job!

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

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Disclaimer: The Grand General Rose of Iron is a character who will be reviewing in the place of a fellow writer known as Leila until November the 5^th. This is a Halloween themed review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3608233

Review of My Zombie's Favorite Things

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I made the mistake of reading your poem just after lunch.

Now, the food is rolling in my stomach. I'll be a strong girl and try not to throw up. The last line doen't make any sense. This time I have no doubt to bestow upon you a

(only one, of course).

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect, useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

11

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14 days may be credited.

#3608189

Review of Zombies and Nature 'Back Woods' Haiku

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I think I'm going to this rainforest. Where is it? To catch monkey, it is a hard job. I'm surprised that there are zombies capable of it. They would be useful against the Green Witch. Your poem was awfully good. The rhythm was bad as it can be, and the descriptions were disgusting.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect, useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

12

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14 days may be credited.

#3608179

Review of Bonus zombie extra

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I am very happy to know about the existence of Zombo. The Green Witch has captured Lenny, and I think Zombo could try to rescue him. The one-man-zombie army might be able to pull out this feat.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

13

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14 days may be credited.

#3608086

Review of Twilight 3-D: A zombie favorite

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Reading your limerick, I noticed that vampires and zombies could make a good team. The vampires are faster than zombies. They could go up front, drinking most of the blood, leaving the humans weak and dying. I'm going to tell them not to drink all the blood, though. That way the zombies will still get juicy meat and brains.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect, useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

14

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14 days may be credited.

#3608038

Review of A Good Zombie Fright

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I laughed a lot. That's true: this kind of music is really frighting. You can assure your zombies that it is not allowed in my army. Every warrior only one music -- I hope the new recruits will enjoy it.

Aching limbs at the training ground,
iron will on the battlefield,
we are the witch-slayers by the rose, bound.
With prowess, our swords we wield.
Wicked army, we always bawl.
Hoodlums are in our lot.
Green Witch, listen to our call.
Rose rules! Green Witch rots!

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect, useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

15

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14 days may be credited.

#3607764

Review of a zombie hangover

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Your description of the zombie's sensations after eating a drunk brain was disgusting.

I guess that zombie has learnt his lesson, and he will stay away from alcoholic brains. That's a decent recruitment. Thanks for letting me recruit more zombies from your port.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

16

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14 days may be credited.

#3607578

Review of at the drive-in

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 13+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hey, Rhyssa. I'm the Grand General Rose of Iron. You are pretty smart. I liked the way you approached your victims: right time, right place. The idea of the drive-in attack was brilliant. I have 100 Zombies in my army, but they are really stupid! I need leaders like you. All fallen creatures are fair game for all zombies, of course.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

17

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14 days may be credited.

#3607566

Review of Olympic 2012: Zombie Fast Food

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Where can I find zombies that eat fast food? Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself; I got so excited with your zombies that I forgot my manners. I am the Grand General Rose of Iron, born with infinite wisdom, and trained since my youth as witch-slayer. I have already recruited 100 zombies for my army, but they are really slow. A zombie capable of eating Olympic Athletes would be terrible useful.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

18

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14 days may be credited.

#3607559

Review of Ender's Zombie Game

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

This review is made by the light of the moon as we prepare to do battle against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Wow, you know really good zombies! An army of battle trained zombies would be a valuable contribution to my quest against the Green Witch. Send a message to Enders, please. My army is better. I have zombies, vampires, werewolves, and wraiths. The Green Witch and the fallen comrades are fair game for all surviving zombies after the Great Battle, of course. I am a fair general.

I hope you don't mind this review. I need a perfect useless review to get a Zombie Review. You wouldn't like that the review of your item recruited a wraith for my army, would you?

Join the fun "Invalid Item"

!

19

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14 days may be credited.

#3604125

Review of Kalimdor

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

A Witch-Killer Review by the Grand General Rose of Iron

Thanks to my cunning and experience, I have been ordered to assemble an army to kill the Green Witch.

I have been trained since youth to be a witch slayer. Now, to get an army, I have to bestow on selected writers my infinite wisdom. You have been awarded a witch-killer review because you reviewed one of my items. Thank you!
As a general, I am strict, but I am also fair. I will not give you a 5 star rating if your piece does not deserve it. Please remember, I just want to help, and I will help you most if I am honest.

Overview

You created an island with weird custom, and I got curious to understand how such society could work. You might consider write more about it.

Congrats Writer! You got it right.

I really liked the beginning. It kept me hooked to the story. How could a so good morning announce an awful day? The quest for that answer kept me reading your story with interest.

The WDC Academy waits for you.

You built a pretty good world, but there are some points that could be improved in my opinion.

I could not feel the emotion of a bad day. It's true that eleven people were executed, but I felt Charlie almost indifferent to it. Sure, he feared to have the same destiny, but you told us that, you should have shown.

The attraction of Charlie for young girls made me dislike him. I would be more sympathetic if he were some kind of exception to the usual male behavior.

You often repeat some words, like "major." Not every repetition is a bad thing, but they don't seem deliberate to achieve some effect in your text.

A few pearls of my wisdom

Keep on writing! You created a scary world that can be used more times.

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Disclaimer: The Grand General Rose of Iron is a character who will be reviewing in the place of a fellow writer known as Leila until November the 5^th. This is a Halloween themed review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3602277

Review of My Entry - A Traveler's Voice

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Witch-Killer Review by the Grand General Rose of Iron

Thanks to my cunning and experience, I have been ordered to assemble an army to kill the Green Witch.

I have been trained since youth to be a witch slayer. Now, to get an army, I have to bestow on selected writers my infinite wisdom. You have been awarded a witch-killer review because you answered my quiz.
As a general, I am strict, but I am also fair. I will not give you a 5 star rating if your piece does not deserve it. Please remember, I just want to help, and I will help you most if I am honest.

Overview

It was a very emotional piece. You wrote trying to get the way that Gypsy people speak. I've never heard any of them speaking, so I cannot judge if you got it right. In any case, it gave personality to the woman. It slowed my reading, but I could understand without problem. Well done!

Congrats Writer! You got it right.

You made the gypsy woman come alive. I could almost hear her desesperated voice pleading for understanding. It broke my heart because you said this happens.

The WDC Academy waits for you.

You are an outstanding student, but there are few points that can be improved.

You need to improve the formatting. It is easy! Please, check the option for double spacing paragraphs.

I found one typo: Please i'm I'm on ma'knees here...

A few pearls of my wisdom

Please, keep on writing! I hope to read more of your work. Your piece wouldn't be the same if the gypsy woman spoke perfect English, but I read this device should be used with care.

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Disclaimer: The Grand General Rose of Iron is a character who will be reviewing in the place of a fellow writer known as Leila until November the 5^th. This is a Halloween themed review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3599861

Review of A Message from Your Reviewer

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

A Witch-Killer Review by the Grand General Rose of Iron

Thanks to my cunning and experience, I have been ordered to assemble an army to kill the Green Witch.

I have been trained since youth to be a witch slayer. Now, to get an army, I have to bestow on selected writers my infinite wisdom. You have been awarded a witch-killer review because I found one of your reviews in the public review page. Thanks for reviewing!
As a general, I am strict, but I am also fair. I will not give you a 5 star rating if your piece does not deserve it. Please remember, I just want to help, and I will help you most if I am honest.

Overview

This message is important, because you give the writers that you review a good understanding how they are being reviewed.

Congrats Writer! You got it right.

Your text is well organized. You listed all points you take into consideration while reviewing. Moreover, you gave some good hints about how to improve one's writing.

The WDC Academy waits for you.

Your message still needs some work to be listed as a very important reference in the WDC Academy library. The WDC librarians suggest a few improvements:

You told about the importance of formatting a text. You left blank space, divided it into net small paragraphs. However, there is still room for improvement. I would consider using WriteML tags to highlight some key words.

You could explain how you rate an item, or indicate other articles you use as a guide.

A few pearls of my wisdom

Keep on writing and reviewing! People like you make this place very special.

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Disclaimer: The Grand General Rose of Iron is a character who will be reviewing in the place of a fellow writer known as Leila until November the 5^th. This is a Halloween themed review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3598500

Review of Children of Forever

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

A Witch-Killer Review by the Grand General Rose of Iron

Thanks to my cunning and experience, I have been ordered to assemble an army to kill the Green Witch.

I have been trained since youth to be a witch slayer. Now, to get an army, I have to bestow on selected writers my infinite wisdom. You have been awarded a witch-killer review because my alter ego loves sci-fi stories, and it always a pleasure to read well-written pieces.
As a general, I am strict, but I am also fair. I will not give you a 5 star rating if your piece does not deserve it. Please remember, I just want to help, and I will help you most if I am honest.

Overview

I could find no grammar or spelling error. The idea that we are evolving to a higher level of consciousness just to have to start again is fascinating. There are religions that have this kind of cyclic idea.

Congrats Writer! You got it right.

Even without much character development nor dialogue, you could hold me reading the story to the end. It will amazing once you develop it.

The WDC Academy waits for you.

I agree with you: your story needs "less exposition and more character development and dialogue." The WDC is an amazing site. These links might help you.

Experimental Plot Challenge

(E)
30 days of prompts to guide you in outlining a story and developing plot
#1800861 by Lonewolf

"Expanded Power Revision Checklist"

A few pearls of my wisdom

You tell us about a lovely theoretic idea about the origin of conscience. I immediately remembered one sci-fi series from Robert J. Sawyer: The Neanderthal Parallax. Sawyer tells us about a parallel world where Neanderthals became aware, and we became extinct. This book might give you some ideas. I could tell you, but I cannot do so without given you spoilers. It is your choice.

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

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Disclaimer: The Grand General Rose of Iron is a character who will be reviewing in the place of a fellow writer known as Leila until November the 5^th. This is a Halloween themed review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3598411

Review of Experimental Plot Challenge

Review by Leila

In affiliation with The Lucky Leprechaun's Gro...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Witch-Killer Review by the Grand General Rose of Iron

Thanks to my cunning and experience, I have been ordered to assemble an army to kill the Green Witch.

I have been trained since youth to be a witch slayer. Now, to get an army, I have to bestow on selected writers my infinite wisdom. You have been awarded a witch-killer review because Experimental Plot Challenge has been very useful.
As a general, I am strict, but I am also fair. I will not give you a 5 star rating if your piece does not deserve it. Please remember, I just want to help, and I will help you most if I am honest.

Overview

This review is my goodbye from the challenge. Please, I would like to receive the remaining emails. A challenge is not meant to be easy. I will continue to use the prompts to plot my novel. Don't get me wrong; they are extremely useful.

I started this challenge with a rough notion about my novel. It is hard science fiction. I had solved the science problem, but I had no idea how to get from a science discovery to a full blown novel. Step by step, following the prompts, the story started to build up. Many of my decisions from the beginning of the challenge proved wrong. On Day 13, you wrote: "What takes place to allow the protagonist to overcome these obstacles of complication?"

I started to answer:
Paula overcomes the complication, the danger over her live, by conquering Patrick's heart. He starts to care about her and to fight for her.There is a lot of at stake; a dangerous technology has spread through the world, and everyone wants it.

I noticed that I was wrong about my protagonist, and that I knew almost nothing about the real protagonist. I could not go on.

Now, my novel is coming alive, and I do not know what will happen! I never understood it when I read authors commenting about their work in the past. I really do not have that control over the story.

Congrats Writer! You got it right.

I just loved the prompts. They are helping me to build the plot of my novel, and I am sure they will help other writers.

The WDC Academy waits for you.

Your challenge deserves a special place at the WDC Academy Library. The librarians are suggesting that you add links to the challenge prompt forum posts. The daily posts are getting buried among the students' assignments.

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A few pearls of my wisdom

Please, keep up with the great work!

This review helps me recruit a creature to bring damage against the Green Witch!

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Disclaimer: The Grand General Rose of Iron is a character who will be reviewing in the place of a fellow writer known as Leila until November the 5^th. This is a Halloween themed review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3595956

Review of You Poetry Reviewers

Review by Leila

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please, remember I am only a fellow writer. This review is only my opinion.

I felt... happy. Your poem made me smile; I might have laughed if I were alone. I felt some bitterness into your words.

I liked... the flow, the rhyme, and the motif.

You can improve... hum, it is hard to say. You might improve your feelings towards the reviewers.

A few comments
I believe it is possible to give constructive reviews towards poetry. Sure, poets open their hearts and souls; they give a bit of themselves in each line. Some poems do not read well; others just tell their emotions without causing them.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3595616

Review of The Cave

Review by Leila

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Please, remember I am only a fellow writer. This review is only my opinion.

I felt... confused. I had to read your story twice to understand it. It is so dense that you need to pay attention to every word; the kind of attention that is hard to achieve after a day of work.

I liked... the plot of the story.

You can improve... your story by extending it. You might make Eric's journey through the cave more nerve-racking if you give us more details.
In the first paragraph, you have a group of sentences with approximately the same size. You should vary it.

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Lastly, you should also put each speaker line in one paragraph.

A few comments
I found many grammar errors. For example:

After catching his breath and feeling more energetic, he stood up and entered the cave.

After catching his breath and feeling more energetic he stood up and entered the cave.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .