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Review by Liam Porter Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, i've just read the story, its a brilliant short story, im new to this site, so my criticism wont be in depth and probably of no use but ill still ramble anyways.

The only real criticism i have, was at the end. The halfling Dorn, seemed really against running away, and gave good reasons, but almost instantly he changed his mind, from one speech from Jerek.


"Run, you want to run!" creid Dorn. "I don't know if you realize this, but we don't have any money. We have failed this time, there is no income and no reserves to run with."

"We don't have a choice, Dorn" said Jerek.

"I know," yelled the very frustrated halfling.

Maybe you should, of filled that part about, and made Jerek's argument sound more reasonable, i.e "We don't have a choice. Dorn, you know what the boss is like, she is ruthless, our throats will be slit if we go back empty handed" reasoned Jerek.

Well hope it helps, and keep writing!
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