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161 Public Reviews Given
273 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I can feel the cool crisp feel of the air. This is nicely done.

In your second stanza, "Morning awakes you..." I would use either "Morning wakes you" or "Morning awakens you..." The use of 'awakes' was the only place I stalled in this lovely piece. I especially like that particular stanza. It feels like waking up in the outdoors on a chilly winter morning, takes me through those cold aches to a sunny afternoon, and never misses a cue.

I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
Best wishes,
Lin
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dudley,

I was surprised to see that I had not rated and reviewed this one. I know that I've read it before.
I feel the undercurrents in this one. The everyday gift of life, of one more day. The feeling that life is precious, especially after having a loss. The reflection upon what was accomplished in a loved one's life, and what will never be. The loss of what might have been, being pushed aside by the realization that any day could be the last for anyone. And the choice to follow a path, underlies advice to take direction, and not live aimlessly - northward being the higher road. The mood underlies the words of a thoughtful son. In this there is beauty borne of sorrow and reflection.

Best,
Lin
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm honored by this lovely poem. Moreso, I'm impressed by it. It flows well from beginning to end, it conveys a feeling that I, too, am well acquainted with. As you continue, there is a little something you have passed on. It's most clear in the golden rule. It's the basis of all random acts of kindness. And it's so simply yet clearly stated here. Sooner or later, you will bump into people just like yourself; people who care about others, and are not afraid to invest a little of themselves to that end. Sometimes, it's random acts of kindness. Sometimes, we are the ones in need, and some like soul finds us. You have captured this in your work. Not only are your thoughts not pointless, they are the stuff that makes us who and what we are. A piece of who you are is in this. Well done, Trin.

Best wishes,
Lin
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Review of Love You Tonight  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Intrinsica -
Well done. The somber feeling is captured in this. The tone is the right one for the subject, and it carries through to the end. Your ending nails down the truth in your final four lines.

I would make a change -
"Wishing for their
Arms around you"

I would change "their" to "his", in keeping with the rest of the piece.

I think that this poem is the pefect example of the strong pull that love has upon us. Once it's there, it never really goes completely cold. There are many who can tell you, even after years of separation, bumping into an old love brings up that same feeling. Time and distance may make it easier to handle gracefully, but the feeling never really leaves us.

You have put all of that into this nicely flowing poem. It has movement, and speaks softly from the heart in a firm voice.

Keep writing, Trin.

Best wishes,
Lin
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Review of Forever My Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Trin,

It's so good to see you and your work here. This is a nicely done work about love, and what it brings. The hopes and dreams for tomorrows; the desire to keep your loved one happy, free from worry or harm.

It's time to put a little intro about Trin in your bio-block. And look for newbie contests. I'll be in touch via email to point you to some nice things here. You'll meet people on your own. Post some more, enter some contests, have fun.

Best wishes, Trin, may WDC turn out to be a happy place for you.

-Lin

PS -One Edit - "I would wish for your heart..."
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Review of Riding the Swan  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice, Wren. The child within you comes to the surface, and the transition into adult concerns peeks at us from the back of that swan, as you sit regally.

This is lovely. It is a wonderful transition piece, contrasting the children's fantasy float to the moon, and your own interest, "just in case You are watching".
How our points of view change with maturity is well defined in a fun read. Good work.

Best wishes for all of your writing.
-Lin
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Review of Unknown Soldier  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Born -
Born again?

Your spiritualism is showing in this one. The voice of the Other distinctly different. Once you "go on together" the Other seems to be a walk with your higher power, in particular, Jesus. The reference to alpha and omega, and "son of mine" spells this out.

Since you have written this in partial rhyme, you need not struggle with the rhyme when making the statement. The final line is important in the piece, and it need not rhyme. The meter is good, and even meter or steady pace carries the reader through. I feel that the last line should be:
residing there, I am.
For two reasons. The first, it's not straining to rhyme. The second is the obvious reference to the bible when God was asked his name.(Exodus 3:14; John 18.3-6)

The work is good. Nicely done. Look again. There is depth here. Pull it out.

Best wishes for all of your writing,
Lin
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Review of My baby girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Red -
This is a nice poem about your daughter. I think all girls go through the same type of separation from Mom sooner or later. It usually works out. Stay involved with her, don't let the sting of harsh words push you away. It's easy to see how you love her in the piece.
Keep writing, your're doing fine.
Best Wishes,
Lin
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dudley - Spring rain has been the subject countless times for countless poets, but this somber poem, thick with reflection captures the pensive mood, and like much of your work is multilayered and dimensional.
The face the piece shows to the world is filled with imagery - your first stanza is priceless. Your second stanza goes deeper in meaning in demanding nothing but poets, the joining, the 'imagery bleeding...'
The powerful lines of the third stanza gave me pause and pulls me into what you are reflecting on. I have a little insight into "glorified senses" and the sense of loss, as if one were no good with the other - again, a loss.
I think that 'father' calls two meanings, but only one makes rings true for me.
Back to the rain, and the image of it on the glass.
The plaintive sound of this last, cries for your return to what it is you need, and the beauty need not be on the other side of the glass.
And something more.

This is lyrical and sad. It calls up a few reactions.
It worries me.

-Lin


- I Corinthians 13:4-8
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Red,

My name is Lin and I am reviewing your work
 I Love Writing.com Open in new Window. (E)
I wrote this after I read a review from another author. I described the feelings I felt.
#1129397 by Marine Mom Author IconMail Icon


You have written a fine tribute poem to all who review. It's a wonderful feeling from the reviewing standpoint to know that reviews are appreciated.

The poem is upbeat, nicely paced and uplifting. Your poem has put a smile, borne of familiarity, on my face.

Keep writing. You're doing well.

I look forward to reading more of your writing here at Writing.com!

Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.

-Lin
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Review of maybe  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello coolest,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Yours is a poem about what might have been. Don't get lost in this lament for too long. The poem speaks, but there are several corrections to be made to punctuation. "Maybe" should be followed by a comma, the way it is used in this work, and the commas should be followed by a space. There is a missing apostrophe. These kinds of technical errors are easily corrected, however.
For instance:
"Any tender moments,felt her heart would tear"
Try something like, "At tender times her heart would tear"
This pulls the meter right into line and the stanza will flow.

The poem needs to be tightened up for rhyme scheme and metric flow. It is very close to being in a good, edited and finished condition, but needs a little tweaking.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin

Reviewing for the Weekly Newbie Challenge

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Review of Love Is  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Beautiful, (I know I've heard this line somewhere before...)
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I'm reviewing "Love Is" Open in new Window.

You have written about our old friend, "Love", and taken on the style of "Love is..." The feelings are clear, and there is imagery in the work.

The main detraction for the work is the way it flows. The way to fix that is to tighten up on the meter. For instance, you start each stanza with "Love is", two syllables. The rest of those first lines have a varied meter count.
If you change the wording to a total of 8 syllables, you can help the work.
For example:
Love is a sunrise (syllables 5)
changed to: Love is a beautiful sunrise. (syllables 8)

Love is the sister who comforts you. (syllables 9)
changed to: Love is a comforting sister. (syllables 8)

Love is the sweet silence (syllables 6)
changed to: Love is in the sweetest silence, (syllables 8)

Love is the bright colors in a rainbow. (syllables 10)
changed to: Love is all the Rainbow's colors. (syllables 8)

The above is simply meant as a demonstration of tightening up on your meter. They are easier to change than would be your second or fourth lines, as they rhyme. In the third stanza, you can tighten the meter on you second line to 7 syllables, as in your preceding second lines, to 7 syllables.
Reminiscing loved ones lost.
I'm sure you understand correcting the meter, so go through and see what you can do, in your words, to tighten it up. If you read through the poem with the meter and flow corrected and complimenting each other you will feel the cadence in the work.

The poem is enjoyable, and worth a run-through to tighten it up.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin

Reviewing for the Weekly Newbie Challenge

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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Red,

My name is Lin and I am reviewing your work
 Inspiration, Dedication and Longing Open in new Window. (E)
This was written for a newbie upgrade contest.Writing.com makes writing doable for me!
#1127118 by Marine Mom Author IconMail Icon


This is such a lovely poem with an oh-so-familiar lament. I, too, long to write like my favorite authors. If only I could write like Eugene Field...

This piece is makes a clear and true statement, and polishes it off with a statement of determination and integrity: "I commit to just writing like ME."

I found one error. Hemingway is spelled with one "m".

Your work is nicely done, and well said. Good luck to you in the upgrade contest.

I look forward to reading more of your writing here at Writing.com!

Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.

-Lin
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Review of Touch Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Leaforte,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


An interesting poem about a ghostly presence. It sounds bright, but intones a sadness. "She will never know that my forever was spent beside her." belies that sadness. There seems to be little resolution, save for the chance of acknowledgment from the subject of the speaker's attention.

The poem is clearly written, and pulls the reader into your world. We are carried through the story of your poem, at your side. It is very one-sided, since there is no way to communicate to the other. And sad. Regardless of the hopeful ending, the emotion I was left with is one of sadness.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin

Reviewing for the Weekly Newbie Challenge

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15
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Dudley,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Having read this both before and after, I have to say that the work is improved. I am glad to see that you are no longer treading water. *Bigsmile*

The poem is done in your own trademark style, pulling imagery from the everyday world and phrasing words in such a way as to build a mystical aura from them. Your messages are clear, the delivery sweet and subtle, like the scent of a daffodil. It is this touch that draws me to your work over and again.

In this, you again wrestle with that old imp, self doubt. Here, though, you walk the streets as a stranger, looking in at what doubt has done.

The lightning winking conjures mixed imagery, a technique you have mastered and use well. The final stanza is well done. This is one work that a single read through will just not do. I should be read more than once, and also aloud.

Good work, D.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin

Reviewing for the Weekly Newbie Challenge

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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jody,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


You have written a good children's story. I read this one with my son, who wonders if there will be another story about Amy, Fred and Blargnarf.

The work was typed quickly, and there are some typos because of that. (s top for stop, for instance) I found some misspellings that I felt were from the same cause. There is one that needs correction. In your phrase "...lost sight of him all together" the correct word use would be "altogether", one word.
"All together" means just that. The friends went, all together, to the mall.
The word "altogether" means "completely" or "entirely".

I do hope to see you write more. This was nicely done.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello leaforte
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Your have written a nicely done metaphorical poem with the imagery of nature.

The poem has a nice tone, is well versed and flows smoothly. I think the first line might be split into two, but doing so will only change its appearance on the page. I see no pressing errors.

The metaphor speaks to our own life and death, and calls for one to speak out when witnessing injustice.

Keep writing!

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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18
Review of You are not alone  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Michelle,

My name is Lin and I am reviewing your work
{bitem:}

You have written a poem about some of the ways depression can affect a person.

The work flows well, is clear of purpose and has a statement.

The style of the poem asks many questions, most of which are phrased, "Do you" or "Have you". This type of phrasing conjures up images of someone trying to sell some kind of relief for the affected. I don't believe this is your intent. You can tighten this up by changing some of those phrases - for instance, "Do you sometimes need to..." can be rephrased to, "Sometimes, do you need to..." - this rephrasing still uses "do you" but it is not redundant to the beginning of the question. Rephrasing will at least take the edge off of the redundancy.

There are two lines in the poem that do not start with capital letters, but they should. Both start with "have". The words "no one" are separate, not a compound word.

I like your use of punctuation, and I think that you should change to comma at the end of the second line to a dash, as the implied word, "with" is eliminated, and the dash will help pull these lines (2 and 3) together without ruining the pause you have built in to the way the lines are laid out.

Altogether, this work is intelligently written and a good work, but needs a little editing to clean it up.

I look forward to reading more of your writing here at Writing.com!

Please consider entering it in our Weekly Newbie Challenge. I am putting a link below. If you make improvements, I well re-rate and review it.

 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.

-Lin
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19
Review of Dear Michael  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Slash,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Your work most definitely has a sense of humor, and as I read on, my smile grew.
The work is a one-sided short story told in the e-mail that reveals the other party by the writer's reaction. We see Stacy's e-mail to what appears to be an online single's service.

The thing that most amazes me is that Michael keeps writing.

Yours is a humorous look at one of the least successful result of using this kind of "get to know you" online service. It's well done, moves quickly, and the last e-mail tops the whole thin off very well. (There are a lot of Stacy's out there who have taken a bum rap already, but even your choice of her name fit so well.)

Good work, Slash.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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Review of "playground city"  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Walt,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


"playground city" depicts a gambling casino town with a boardwalk. The reach of the poem is far and wide, taking a look at "young street stowaways", "boarded abandominiums" and "desperate bets losing welfare and social security checks".

It is written with no capitalization and no punctuation save for a few apostrophes. It could use a little more punctuation. Even e e cummings used punctuation and capitalization. Check it out. e e cummings was a master at placing his work on the page in ways that either indicated a "second voice" or most often, to create natural pauses. Though he had a gift and a talent, his Ivy League education gave didn't hurt, and he became first known for his poetry through writing awards won in this college venue.

It is not an easy task to write without punctuation and capitalization and still convey your point, your imagery, and the feeling you intend to your reader. Your work is a good attempt.

However, if you are going to continue in this style, some of the verse is not set up correctly to be successful. In particular, your second stanza. To bring the meaning out, and the proper natural pauses in, it needs to end after the word by, or have a dash after the word by. Otherwise, the reader may read it this way: "...as early risers walk on by in the casinos..." - only to have to self-correct once the run-on is felt. Avoiding a stopping point in this style is very important to the reader.

The message itself is well stated, and the poem has a point. The work is good. The detractions are two. The first impression is that of yet another poem with no capitalization nor punctuation. For some, this could make the difference between the reader going on to read this poem, or not. The poem has merit, and should be read. But there are very many writers who have adopted this unnatural style, but do not have the finesse it takes to pull it off.

Meter, too, is important to free verse, though your piece flowed nicely. You have the finesse to pull off this style - at least in this work. It needs a little help, but you have managed rather well. So, to me, I am not seeing a poem that was just put into this style in order to disguise a weakness in punctuation. I am seeing a work that was written, gone over and most probably edited. In other words the work was done taking proper effort to bring it off within your intent.

Keep writing, and checking your own work. It will get better and better.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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Review of mismatched  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


"mismatched" is a solemn tale that takes on a tone of poignancy for both the POV character and the person he has come out to meet.

The tale is well told. The reader gets the feeling of falling away from each other, without any true exchange from either. The reader is left wondering what brought the online relationship so far as to arrange a meeting, especially considering that there are other attachments in both their lives.

It is this feeling of knowing that they were both looking for some kind of touch, that makes this observation in "mismatched" poignant. There is an implied, deeper undertone here, that the reader picks up on, only to wonder about what is missing in the relationships that each has left behind, even if temporarily, to make this meeting occur.

This is a good, somber work, nicely done.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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Review of Bearing Up  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Wren,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


You have written a short, snap-shot, story about a wedding. The piece reads nicely, and the grammar and punctuation looks good.

Knowing how emotions flow at a wedding, it was indeed a special moment when the bride hugged the ring "bear".

For a short piece, you have brought out some nice character attributes, and the short story might have other stories before and after. It is, however, complete as is.

Softly said, is that Mom finally got the wedding she always wanted, too.

A good story, nicely done.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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Review of Fractured Pieces  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Bookworm,

My name is Lin and I am reviewing your work
 Fractured Pieces Open in new Window. (E)
woke up and wrote this in the middle of the night
#1120360 by Bookworm Author IconMail Icon


I came across your poem in the Newbie listing. I like the poem. It is a succinct, clearly written work that has good imagery.

I do have a few suggestions. In order to avoid redundancy - this is important in shorter works - I suggest that you replace the second instance of "pieces" with the word "shards", or another alternate word.
I think that the poem has good flow, but that it will be better if you change some of the natural pauses that come from the way it is arranged.

There is a slight natural pause at the end of a line. This is done on the readers end, and a good poet can use this knowledge to put in pauses where punctuation wouldn't be right, or won't do. The way you have your poem structured, there is a natural pause at the end of the first line. Since you also have a line that is 6 or 7 beats (syllables) slightly further down, it would work just fine if you combine the first and second lines into one line.
I also think that adding a dash, a common poetic device, to the end of the line, "Too sharp to pick up" will be helpful to the flow. Once more, the next two lines, from "they'll" through to "think" can be combined into one line.

Your final lines reinforce all that has come before, and the whole impression is of a nicely done work.

I look forward to reading more of your writing here at Writing.com!

Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.

-Lin
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Review of Flower  Open in new Window.
Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Candy,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This is a good work of prose. It is short but sweet, is very descriptive and imparts good imagery. The metaphor of the flower's life to the human condition and the warmth of the sun conveying love, was well done. The execution of the work was also well done.

This prose was a good read, nicely done.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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Review by Lin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Victoria,
My name is Lin and I am one of the reviewers for the
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I like your short story. You told it in such a way as to lead the reader gently through the events at the hospital, and the ensuing argument at home.

I have only one comment that I feel will benefit both the story and your future work. That is - beware the element of complaint. Parts of this story contain complaint, which is very expected from a teen. But you want to do it, in your story, in such a way that the reader feels the injustice, and not the complaint. A very good way to go about this is not to justify your position with the reader. In the narrative, state the facts. Try not to bunch them together in a single paragraph, but filter them in. There will come a point when the reader will feel the unjustness. The sway of opinion will come away from "just another complaint by an overworked underpaid teenager who does not appreciate anything from her parent's position" to "what is the matter with the adults in this picture?" and "how much responsibility can two adults shift to a young teen, what's wrong here?"

So, go back over this very nicely done work and find the areas where the complaint is obvious. Take it apart, and see where you can filter in all that same information in the narrative - only the facts. You will come away with a piece that will be rewarding to your work, and to the reader.

I look forward to reading more of your writing in the Weekly Newbie Challenge.
Best wishes for all of your writing efforts.
-Lin
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