Beautiful language- really set the scene. Nicely worded too- flowed well and very easy reading. The only thing i thought didnt really fit was the dialogue- it seemed strangely simple after your thorough descriptions? Just a thought. Nicely done, hope you keep developing it.
I really enjoyed reading this- what a unique piece of writing. You don't often find things out there like this that have been written so individually that you actually want to keep reading- i was a little disappointed when i finished it actually.. have you looked at getting it published?
I found this poem interesting.. it reads well, and isn't difficult to understand. Was the lack of punctuation intentional? Just wondered why there were no full stops used. Words so powerful require long pauses, and full stops would communicate this well to any reader.
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