Wow! I am really touched by this poem. I am a Christian and I think I have quite a sunny disposition but even I, who consider myself as open to God, now realise that I am not as open to others as I could be. God is love so not only do we need to show others love but allow them to show love to us. 'He begins to see not strangers but understanding brothers.' Also your comment on man's loneliness is, as you say applicable to everyone everywhere and that touched me too.
All the religious and philosophical imagery really helps me imagine what you are getting at. However, it took a couple of read throughs for me to understand the imagery in the second stanza.
It is a very striking story. I really like you beginning - it really leads into the story well. Your description of the fight is skilful. It keeps up the fast pace while adding the little details which make it more realistic and a pleasure to read. (It reminded me a little of the new Sherlock Holmes film where he goes through all the moves he is planning on making and their purposes in his head before actually carrying them out.)
The only criticism I can make is that being told how easy everything is so frequently was a little annoying. I suggest you either cut some of them out or find different ways of writing them.
I would just like to point out that anything in this review is my own opinion and should be taken as such - just an opinion.
This is a very striking piece. It immediately pulled at my heart strings and I was totally taken along by the story. You have a very fluid writing style and the fact that it all stems from personal experience only serves to make it more striking.
The setting was well described and idyllic but, considering that this was the place where that 'kinda stuff doesn't happen', I would have expected a little more emphasis on the innocence of the tight-knit community.
The character were very believable and I liked the relationship between the two main characters. I especially liked you description of Shannen - 'she could climb a tree faster than any boy I knew.' However, I would have expected more of a reaction from the young girl when she first announced that her story was true. Something more than just her hands starting to shake perhaps. Also, would she have been a little more scared that the kidnappers would come for her despite Uncle Terry's reassurance?
I liked your use of the young boy (I imagine him as a boy, I don't know whether that is right) as a narrator; it really brings the whole story to life.
Keep writing,
Little Eppi
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