\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/liuba
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
37 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Liuba Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Shelly,

I promised you a review in exchange for the one you gave me, and I chose this story from your port.

Congratulations on creating a really nice, down-to-earth story with a supernatural touch! I know that this is a work in progress, and it shows here and there, but as a whole I think you have a good thing going here. The dialogue is natural, the characters are realistic, and you throw in lots of little details that make both the narrator and her husband vivid and real. The scene in the kitchen is also well described, and I could see it in front of me, as seeing a movie. *Smile*

A couple of suggestions to make the text even better:
* When Tommy finds the ring, the narrator says: "I can’t believe it. This here is the ring I once told you bout’. You know… the smiley-face ring my granny once held so dear." Then she tells the story as if Tomy hadn't heard it before. Why is that - it seemed to me as if Tommy had never seen, nor heard about the ring at all before?
* I missed one or two more examples of the ring's ability to warn for terrible things, in order to make it more credible as a 'magic ring'.
* The ending is a bit weak, so the balance in the story is all askew. I guess this is where your work is in progress? The first part of the story up to when they go outdoors is very well written, but then everything just ends. If you could elaborate a little on the end, perhaps tell what happened in the house, what the people thought, and perhaps end with the ring going all smiley and happy again...

I hope my comments will make sense to you, and I will look forward to reading the text again, once you declare it 'ready'!

Keep writing!
Liuba
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/liuba