\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lizann
Review Requests: OFF
4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Libby Milner Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The story idea is good.

If this is a first draft have another look at sentence structures such as
'Danny's face was lit up with happiness unlike Kody who was sulking' - you could brake that sentence up 'Danny's face lit up with happiness' & 'Kody's face twisted into a sulk.'
'
Kody seen Danny failing to fly properly' - wrong tense - Kody saw Danny failing to fly...

'The purple orb spread out into a large purple oval' - too much purple.

Best of luck with the story - I love this genre too :)
2
2
Review by Libby Milner Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Unique way of looking at creativity - I like it.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lizann