I'll admit I had to read it a few times, possibly because I'm still asleep at the time of this review. I liked it. It has the beginnings of a good storyline, if you wanted to write something akin to a novel. The genre you have it listed under is something I'm not usually interested in, but what you've written was like a hook. Like reading the back of a novel to find what it's about, and that made me actually want to know more. I don't think there's any improvement to be done, you might check the sentence, "He decided to promote...", and I think you meant to possibly type "promote to" instead of "promote of". Thank you for your writing.
I think you are on the money. I just finished a poem where I used a word that is actually 4 syllables. I suppose being from the mid-west/south is why I actually pronounce it using 3 syllables. The word is indifference. in-dif-fer-rence. I pronounce it in-dif-rence. May not usually mean much, but when I use a certain number of syllables per line, it makes a difference there. People might automatically default to their own voice or cadence of speaking, which can throw off the flow of a poem and may lead to the person reading it several times, even aloud, before they might get it. I wrote it, and I still did that once I realized what I'd done.
Thank you for such a beautiful poem. It does remind me of myself and my feelings for another person. I think the rhyming is great, though the third stanza kinda threw me there for a sec. Just for a sec. Guess I was getting too into the rhyming. :) Not a bad thing. I don't really see anything that would need to be criticized. Thank you for sharing the poem.
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