I would definitely enjoy reading more of this. The main character pulls me in and makes me want to know more about her and how she wound up on this crusade? Was she a victim perhaps? Her sister? I want to know!
Overall this is very good writing. I would go back through and look at the verb agreements a few places don't match, such as She is sitting/ Her face was smeared.
Keep it up!
Overall great imagery! I love the line about the static in the looking glass!
A few clarifications:
Jaded<- is this something about this that you are trying to draw attention to?
and feel like a man<- could use a question mark.
I still can't get over the static in the looking glass comment. It's brilliant. I can see the false prince charming wlaking away. Great poem!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ljrinne
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 4:09pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
