I love the idea. I have to admit to thinking of The Last Samurai when I saw this Title, but the content has changed my mind and from what I have read it does not look like it is based on it. I like the idea of Magic and Swords Fights also, and I look forward to returning to this at a later date.
I would like to point out, as I like to give recommendations to make something better in a review a few nitty-picky-bits; you have put wont when it looks like you want to put want. Also I would recommend to make the story look better not beginning sentances with an And.
Beyond that; it is a fabulous looking plot idea; and as I said I hope to read it again when there is more and give it a better rating. For now; 3.5. 3.5 to grow on; along with my personal recommendation to continue with it! It looks great; Keep up the great idea and the great writing!
This starts off great, and as far as I'm concerned it continues great, and I will be happy to start reading the next chapter when I get time. I love the way you start this off; you describe the area of the story perfectly. Its not too thorough as to release any job on the reader's part to imagine the place, nor is it to sparse to make the reader have to change the imagination of the place everytime something new about it comes up. I personally love this about it.
I like to give some opinion about the text itself, something to change. One of the things I have noticed is how your dialog is not setup as when somebody new talks, there is a new paragraph to cut the difference:
“I am Deputy Mead.” And then he asked Jasen “where you heading?” So Jasen thought of the fort nearby, and told Mead “I’m Jasen Weatherby, and I am heading towards the fort. Mead being content with the strangers answer rode on towards town. With a watchful eye Jasen watched him ride off until he was out of sight.
In this extact also there is also a point about small sentances; you put in I am Deputy Mead. and then used an And with a capital, it looks reasonable enough but the rest of the story is up to such high calibre that little things like that put it off from being great. I would personally suggest you do something to the ends of this:
After the bath, and shave from the hotel Jasen headed on that familiar path heading to the Weathers farm, it must be a good ten miles from town. On the way there Jasen spotted a rider heading towards town Jasen loosened his guns a little, something that has kept him alive all these years. As the man got closer, he saw the stranger had a badge on. The lawman looked at Jasen and introduced himself to Jasen, “I am Deputy Mead.” He looked around for a little, "where are you heading?"
Jasen thought of the fort nearby, and told Mead, “I’m Jasen Weatherby, and I am heading towards the fort." Mead being content with the strangers answer rode on towards town. With a watchful eye Jasen watched him ride off until he was out of sight.
I added a missing Quotation Mark and tried not to any of the content. Obviously I don't recommend you paste in what I just did, but I would recommend you look over the text for little things like that.
It is a great piece of Writing, and as I said I look forward to reading the next chapter and rating that. I give this 3.5 Stars, I greatly enjoyed the characters. With a few corrections it could easily get 4 from me at least. Keep up the great writing!
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