My first reaction upon reaching the end of this piece is "give me the rest!!" The story is an engaging one for those who like this genre( as I do). I am interested in finding out more about this prophecy and how all the various characters and plots weave together. I must say however that up to this point I really haven't connected with any of the characters with the possible exception of George Allen Cassie. Of them all he is the only one that has been explored in any real depth, something you accomplished in a very short span. As to the writing itself, the main concern is that you need to proof read what is written so far with an eye to minor typo's such as the omission of a word here and the inclusion of a word there. If you would like I can give you a few of the examples that I spotted. Your attention to adding detailed descriptions is admirable and helps the reader to visualize the story, however there are some places, especially near the beginning, where there is so much detail that it actually begins to bog down the flow of the story and seems to be nothing more then filler. All in all I have to say you have a good story going here that just needs a little polish.
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