I've only read it once, so I haven't really checked all the grammar and stuff. I usually rate on flow of the story anyway. I was drawn into it easily and was able to be a part of it. Even though it was a bit obvious, I still kept reading. One thing that bothers me is the name Raal....don't know why....just don't like it. I think because it reminds me of Rahl from "Wizards First Rule"-which is a crappy book. I would like to see more of this story though...so good job.
Once again....awesome. This whole poem is very cool because you know the whole time what it is about. Obviously this bug is going to turn into a beautiful butterfly-not to mention all the metaphor you can use from that- but once again your wording does it for me. Anyone can write a poem about metamorphosis, I just like the way you did it. Good job once again.
Not enough information to say I like the story, but I love your writing style. It flowed very good and kept me interested. Werewolves are always awesome, but I'm trying not to let that affect my rating hehe. I'm not a big fan of where it seems this story is headed, but I'm a guy....
I like this a lot. Since it's a review I'm being very critical. I like it how it is....but the "children we made", is this suppose to be actual children or just plans for them? I wonder if there is a better way to word that. maybe with the "In another time, another plane" if you take the "in" out it seems to flow better. I love the whole idea of this, especially the ending. Awesome.
Even if this wasn't good, that's no reason to stop writing. The fact that you write will make you better as time goes. The only problem I had with this(and it is my problem as well....so I wish I could tell you how to fix it) is the use of names way to much. There's a lot of Micheal-Stephen-Micheal-Stephen going on. I would work on perhaps letting one say a lot, or taking out some of the words or actions and letting simple suggestions fill the reader's mind with what is happening rather than step by step actions. I do think falling to the ground covering his face is a bit extreme for a schoolkid, but I don't know the whole story here. Other than that, I found myself reading on- wondering what was going to happen next. I would definately read on to see what happens. Keep up the good work.
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