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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/louisjharris
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4 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Story Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
From the get go this story sent shivers up my spine and I wanted poor old Emily to be right. I'm glad she was. Old folks just know things, don't they? I am happy to find that the police didn't think she was nuts, but investigated each time she called. In many countries they would have certified her and given her over a s a patient of the state in a mental institution. If Sarah was anyone else she certainly would have reacted differently. You seem to have the hang for police procedure, which makes the tale believable. A few typo's which I'm sure you are able to find. But generally a fine piece of writing that made me go all cold, and if that was your intention, it worked well.
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Review of The Madnes  Open in new Window.
Review by Story Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I love the way the pace quickens with almost every sentence, and let's face it, with this kind of style, pacing is the most important thing there is. I enjoy the anonymity of the main character, because mainly, this piece is all about action. As the reader, I know the man has a family and he's longing for them. I know that above all, he is a determined young fella and all he wants is out of that blasted war. In this piece it's what the character doesn't tell us that's important, important enough for the reader to make up his own mind: like, before he went to war, did he do some kind of martial art training? Perhaps he was a boxer. He has stamina to go without food for a long time, perhaps he had been a street kid, or brought up in abject poverty for him to have this kind of stamina? My imagination filled in the gaps that the character left out, that's what is striking about this piece. The suspense, the buildup and the action is flawless, but watch out for the grammar, lots of typos and repetitive things like:

"keeping the knifed man in front of me ( as a shield as a hail of bullets come my way and pound into the body of my human shield)" I think could be retructured

and

"I was ( sat on a chair, blindfolded, but I knew all this because they didn’t put the blindfold on until they’d sat) me down. " Also restructured

I also liked the short punchy sentences, they keep the flow and piece alive and kicking.

Kick butt and happy writing.



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