OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Very descriptive poem in such few words. Good job.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think that you wrote honesty and true. While I don't get all of the connections, as the events didn't happen to me, it makes to difference. This is absolutely a poem for yourself. Good job.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I didn't really get the Sickly/Sweet smell. I don't know if that was to signify the rain or not, but I associate neither of the two with the smell of rain. Everything else produced fine mental pictures.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Good poem. You conveyed the message of a broken heart well.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I would remove "to" from the third line. If this poem is true to you, keep an open mind. You never know when love will find you. I know it can happen to anyone.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I liked what you were trying to convey here. I think that you tried a little too hard.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Try to keep from contradicting yourself. You stated that you no longer care, but you will always be there, waiting. If you mean to say one or the other, than do so. Be confident in your writing and express the meaning that fits. You have the ability.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Hard, forced rhyme complete with contradictions.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Fall yields to winter, not the other way around. I don't know if you meant this to reverse the last line or not, but it doesn't work. Additionally, "bare" should have been "bear".
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
My initial impression is swayed as the title is misspelled. What is a "poen"? Good poem overall.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Fix the title. I also don't get the evocativeness that you let on in the description. This poem seems to be more about forgiveness than sexuality. Of course, this is just my opinion.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Good poem. I agree that it sounds cool.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
This is really just personal, and I don't let it sway my review, but I think that motion and emotion rhyme too well. This is mostly because the second word is the first with an additional letter in front. It works, don't get me wrong. It just doesn't flow so well.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I think that this poem is simple and honest. Good job.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Although I dislike the cliche "clound nine", I think that it is honest in this poem and relays a genuine feeling from the author to the reader. In the future, try to avoid cliches, but this one doesn't count against you here.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I admire your courage in wanting to express your feelings for the situation. I wish that you would have been more honest in your writing though.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
You should write everything that you are feeling about this subject and edit it afterwards. Pretend that no one will see it. Pretend that it is yours and yours alone. It felt as though you were suppressing the emotion in this poem.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I like the meaning of the words more than I like the words themselves.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I don't understand why you bothered with the period at the end and not with capitalization or commas anywhere else. I also don't understand why you are speaking about someone dear to you and calling it life. You also mentioned that you were "looking ahead...to the present". It does nothing for me.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I think that you rhyme scheme is fantastic. You did a good job at showing your point in so few words. I disagree with the message though.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great job. I've been reading a lot of these short two line poems today and this is the best one yet. You have a full thought process and the questions that aren't answered seem to be more compelling than distracting. I feel like the poem is written by someone hurt that has built up a wall against feeling out anymore.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Just be carefull that your wall doesn't get so high that you can't see over it! Good luck to you!
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
You did a good job with only 9 words. I actually got both the muse/writer connection as well as a romantic/hopeful connection. Good job, but it leaves the reader wanting more.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great poem. This made me want to rise against the machine myself!
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I would have given you a perfect rating if not for the word "nowt". I seems to have been thrown in simply for the rhyme. I looked it up and it is a true word, so I can't really hold it against you. I just don't like it. Besides, the pronounciation that supports your rhyme scheme is the Scottish derivative and means Ox or Cattle, which doesn't make sense. The British version makes sense, as it means naught or nothing, but the pronounciation is 'noht' and doesn't go with the rhyme scheme.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
If you would have told me that you wrote the emotions of a murder (or was it?) in 20 words, I would have called you a liar. I would be wrong. You did a fantastic job in this poem. I haven't been this impressed in a very long time. BRAVO! BRAVO!
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I'm automatically inclined in a direction that many might not take due to my religious background. I take the word "priestess" as a practitioner of the Wiccan faith.
It seemed to me that the first part, the part before the pause, was about the priestess committing suicide. I say this because no one is there to hear her cries. She was apparently the leader of a church dedicated to a male-biased diety, probably Christian in origin although not necessarily. The second part eludes to the male hierarchy. She is obviously "blind", if only in the eyes of her male counterparts, to the fact that masculinity rules this faith group or organization.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
None, I was impressed at your use of language and near riddle quality symolies.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I really like the story that you presented in this poem. I think that with work, it could be really good.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
You rhyme scheme doesn't seem to exist, which isn't a bad thing. Tthen it does exist, then it doesn't and so on. I had a very difficult time following everything. Your stanza's aren't even, which should give you the first clue. Perhaps that was your intention? I don't know. I am not the best judge of poetry.
These are just my thoughts on the poem and only meant to help you write better. I am by no means the best person to judge poetry, but I wanted to offer some advise.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I love the poem, but I couldn't stand your attributions.
TIPS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
You have a flare for writing poetry. I don't read poetry often because it always falls short to me. It usually has more to do with obscurities and emotions, which are never explained, than it does on real feeling. You are an exception to this rule. My advice is that you get away from writing on someone else's idea (Silent Hill included) and start writing from your own. You would do well. Trust me.
Good poem. Nice use of language to describe your feelings.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This is a great survey. I can tell that you are trying to establish a market, or to judge which character types to use in a piece. This is a great forum for it as not only do you get inspiration from those that contribute, you also help them to inspire themselves. Great work.
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think that some slightly more specific questions would help you accomplish your goal. The questions that you listed are nearly vague and I see that they will provide limitless answers to you. While this is usefull, why not add particulars as well. (ie, "Would you relate to a character such as X?"; or "Does a character with a religion opposing your own effect the reading experience for you?") If you already have an idea of a character, this is a good place to get honest feed back on that character.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Wow. This is the beggining of what appears to be a fantastic novel. I haven't read a story that left me this intrigued in a long time. I'm am so curious and I want so much more. If you are writing more, and I beg you to do so, please let me know when it gets posted. I can't wait to read it.
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think that you could put the letter portion in itallics. I don't think that there is a need for it, exactly, but it would feel better. I know that if you complete the story and get it published it will be written in a way that makes it stand out anyhow, so why not go for it now?
I'm giving you a perfect rating on this one and you deserve it. Please don't forget me if you add more.
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