Good job organizing your port! The image you used in this folder, though, with the Image ID# 267321 exceeds the item's content rating. You might want to take a look at that. Just thought I'd point it out. Good folder, though!
~MJ
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~MJ
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is a good piece. I was sucked in immediately. I like how you explained who John Jacod Astor IV was, what he did, and what his last moments were like, as well as taking the reader through the night the Titanic sank. I would only suggest using some WritingML to express the times...
like:
11:55 PM
If you want to do that, and/or you need help, just e-mail me.
That's really the only suggestion I have though. This is a good piece that kept me reading. I liked the tie-in at the end; when will our midnight come? Will we be ready? Will we be saved? I have to admit that I am not a religious person, but I do agree with what you said at the end. Very good tie-in.
Thanks for writing, and welcome to Writing.com!
~MJ
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Ignorance, misunderstanding, and misconception
are the true
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
in our society.
Let's destroy them!
(Click the image for more info)
Nice poem. Great rhythm and rhyme...it flows very well. I think you connected with a lot of people through this poem...I know I sure felt something after reading this. I don't think there's been a day where I haven't thought of this one person since I've met him. It's interesting, really. Anway, thanks for sharing.
Awesome! I love it's smooth rhythm and wonderful message. It's sometimes hard for a child to fathom losing someone close, but they will always remember what that person meant to them. You captured the feelings of a child well; the innocence and confusion; anger and recourse.
I'd just change some punctuation in some places...such as:
(The first line of the third stanza) He's gone? You say?
Instead of a ?, I'd use a (,)comma.
Also,
(The last line of the fourth stanza) Tell me, be seen?
I'd use ... instead of a comma. To me, this expresses more of the confusion and innocence of the child.
Other than that, thie poem is wonderfully expressed. Don't feel obligated to make either of the changes I suggested; I understand that the writer's voice is very different from the reader's perceptions. Either way, though, this is a great piece of work!
Thank you for writing, and keep it up!
~MJ
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
|"Invalid Item" |
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luckymojo3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 11:37am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
