Magnificent! You've put in words what my heart's been hungering for - thank you. I see no errors of any kind in this writing. It's powerful, clear, and portrays a picture of Christmas that is so much needed in this nutty mess we've made out of the Season. For me, this was a personal 'upper' that I needed to hear today - and perhaps everyday, to remind me what it's really all about.
I liked this chapter, and the picture it paints of both the land and the people living in it. The second sentence is difficult to follow- might work better if it were broken into two, just to clarify where the Hunter's lived.
grammatically, I saw only two problems: there's a tense change in the sentence talking about a light haired child "is" born -- think it should be 'was' in order to stay consistent. Then, when you're talking about the birds landing on Tark, you say "when they stopped moving" - I assume you mean Tark and his father, but it reads as if you mean Tark's 'head and shoulders'
Only spelling error is the word 'bareing' which, should be bearing, as in child-bearing
I hope to continue reading the story tomorrow- it's interesting.
Funniest thing I've read in -forever! I particularly liked the ending, but the shredded wheat is a close second.
I didn't see any distracting grammatical mistakes or even so much as a period out of place, so I don't even have a suggestion to make (how's that for a woman?)
Thanks so much for lightening my day with this chuckler. Now I believe I'll just swallow my arthritis medication, remind my spouse of his chores for tomorrow, play a few hands on the net and then head of to a good night's sleep. Who knows what the dawn will bring?
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/magatoby
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:45am on Dec 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
