This was an article I needed to read. Just this morning I needed to deal with some raging anger in me. I found it interesting to compare how I dealt with it to your recommendations. I agree. Focusing on Jesus and allowing his love to deal with my angry attitude is essential.
One thing I would suggest is that you set up the importance of dealing with uncontrolled anger near the beginning rather than at the end. First tell me WHY I should bring it under control before telling me HOW to do it. I like your statement, "Angry fishermen catch no fish!"
A few grammar/punctuation notes:
Therefore, if the Bible is accepted as the inerrant word of God, then uncontrolled, vented anger, cannot be thought pleasing to God. Remove the word "then" after God. A good rule of thumb when dealing with parenthetical phrases within commas is to read the sentence with the parenthetical phrase removed. How does it read? In this case, "Therefore then uncontrolled, vented anger, cannot be thought pleasing to God," doesn't make sense. Remove "then" and it does. Also remove the comma after the word "anger".
The first step is to understand that one's anger comes not from other people's actions, but from within themselves. You lack agreement of person in this sentence. If you're going to use "one's" at the beginning then it should end with "...but from within one's self."
This is where the battle must be fought and won, if believers are to be victorious against anger, and to be effective witnesses for the Lord. I don't think you need any commas in this sentence. "If" and "and" are conjunctions which connect the different parts of the sentence. "If believers are to be victorious against anger," is not a parenthetical phrase, therefore it doesn't need to be couched in commas.
I have to say that each of the three items of yours I have read today are vastly different. That speaks to your skills as a writer that you can be so diverse. I'm impressed. I think of the three styles, however, you excell at the first that I reviewed. Nevertheless, a job well done! May God bless you.
Plugger, as usual, you have written a deft piece. I particularly like the way you tell the story from the judge's point of view, seeing inside her mind. The ending is particularly poignant.
I would suggest that you allow either an empty line or an indent to mark the change of paragraphs. It would be easier to read that way. I also noticed a missing comma but I'm not going to hunt for it.
One thing that bothered me was the repetitious mention of how the prisoner would be used at the hands of men and women. I found this somewhat salacious, unnecessary and detracting. Once would be enough. If you think it important to mention it a second time, it would be better to do so with completely different words, and with more subtlety.
Another idea to develop the story would be to show interaction between the judge and some of the other prisoners, especially the one who went screaming to the guillotine. It would be interesting to have their characters more exposed to contrast with that of Simone's.
Still, it's an EXCELLENT story and I regret I've taken so long to return to your port. Well done!
Good poem, Broken1. Self-harm is a topic that isn't addressed often enough and yet in some circles it is endemic. "Crimson tears" is a perfect title and description for that truly is what cutting produces but your title also evokes the pain behind cutting. Your repeating line, "...the need, to bleed, just a little more," drives home the sense of urgency, the driving force behind self-harm. There is a NEED. Furthermore, your use of no capitals points to the fact that, though not exclusively, cutting and self-harm is a teenage and young adult issue. Very well done!
I have one confusion, which explains why I've rated at a 4 instead of a 5. Your opening line makes it sound like the writer is about to kill herself instead of "merely" cutting. As a rule, cutters and self-harmers hide what they do so no one finds out. So why would the reader be feeling pain, grief, anger?
I notice that you're brand new to writing. Welcome! Write on!
It's AWESOME, Ernie! I love it! I figured out quite soon who his father and brother were but it was turly a surprise to learn he was giving coal and food to those he saw as more needy than himself. What a testimoney! What a wonderful story! You truly do have a gift!
One suggestion. Please go back and edit in the proper paragraph breaks. It would make it much easier to read.
It is perfect except for one word. I would changed "kissed" to "kiss". I think your poem is in the present tense and so "kiss" would seem to fit better.
I love the way you describe your desert. Your poem shows how this place is more than home for you. It is your heart. Beautiful!
You write in such a way that invites the reader to get to know you better, that in fact draws the reader to WANT to know you better. Very well done! Thank you.
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