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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/magicyak
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Review by nicholas Kheperi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
for some reason i could not really get into this story...i will try to tell you why it did not work for me but i don't know if even i know what is wrong with the story
the first problem. (no i will call these ideas) that comes to mind is the detail. i have a picture of The Shop in my head but there is something wrong with it.
i am sorry if i don't make sense i will just try to say this
nearly all the details about The Shop come in one paragraph what would happen if you spread them out just a little with sentences like:
The beverages the old man created always got the job done. No one could ever claim that The Stop had stiffed them in that respect although they could could rightfully complain about the smell. ect. ect. ect.
now that i think about it the characters need some more description. what does Giggles look like? is he old? does he have a glass eye? why did he choose such a criminal occupation?
that is just what i think
PS i do not have time to tell you about all the good things about this story :)
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/magicyak