What an interesting story. Your writing style is unique and your power of description is outstanding. I feel like I know these 3 people. Janice ugly and dominant…Bentley trying not to make her angry, because she is giving him a place to live.
I resonate with these characters because I know people just like them.
Your description of their clothing and the way they talk to each other is really believable. Nothing phony sounding here.
I like that you added that they were both sick and it was cold. I could feel their discomfort.
And I think I have lived in one of those rooms you describe.
When Tony breaks in, it fits into the life style they live and I wasn’t surprised that he actually is someone they know. He probably was there to steal, but Janice is so ferocious he changed tactics.
Thinks fast on his feet and offers a secret. At the end of the story I can see, he really was just searching for a way to get out of there before Janice attacked him. He made it seem like there was a big payoff if they got involved. But then he sounds like he has mental problems, so maybe he does think he has something to offer. Who knows.
I didn’t quite get the point of all the names for Tony. Maybe he’s handsome? But strange?
She wasn’t taken in and ran him out.
Loved the line…”It made a ‘tang’ sound, before letting itself rest.” Letting itself rest…just struck me as giving the pan a personality.
The rest of the story sounded a little scary that Bentley was trusting Tony, especially when they entered a warehouse with something rotten inside. I got concerned here and then he shoves him into the small room and I thought he was going to be locked in there with a dead rotting body.
So it was quirky that it was nine dogs. Tony’s big secret that Janice was supposed to commit to being ‘all-in’ to find out about.
My conclusion is that Tony is mentally ill and Bentley, already portrayed as a peace maker and somewhat gullible did show trust. But your story left me feeling like Bentley needs to toughen up his boundary skills before he does end up dead. Some people shouldn’t be trusted. Liked the way the title nailed it.
Overall, you gave me lots of feeling and emotions with the story. It was well-done. I hope you got a good grade on your assignment. I think you deserve it.
What a great story. You caught the essence of story telling and who the best story tellers are: 3-4 year olds who feel safe and loved.
Loved his imagination. A cloud did it!
This mother was very wise. She praised his glorious cloud story, but said it was not a substitute for the truth. It is a story.
Because she praised his ability to tell a good story, he didn’t lose his desire to continue to use his imagination. There was no fear there.
The mother no doubt praised him when later he could write down his stories. She showed him the correct place for that creativity.
Like painting a cow purple in a coloring book is different than insisting real cows are purple. I think there would be more artists in the world if more paise was heaped on purple cows in coloring books.
It was fun to read the reactions of both of these people. And I liked the perfect ending.
He didn’t lose his creativity in the teaching of the necessary lesson.
I hope he still thinks some cows are purple and some clouds that come out of nowhere can move around candy bars.
Loved this story. It was so creative. I started smiling right away when I saw the POV was going to be the roses themselves. You took me on such an interesting life journey with these 24 red roses. I was right there with them. Felt like they were my friends. I wanted their happiness. You made me care about your characters.
You immediately gave me the opening event, the setting and the characters within just a few sentences in the first paragraph. Followed by several of my favorite bits of writing: “I had my petals all a flutter. And then: “…he had his pollen in pursuit of me.” I actually laughed out loud. Thank you for that bit of fun.
“…His pollen, my petals.” Funny, Funny.
Then the twins arrive. Really clever moving forward of the story. I didn’t see that one coming. Well done.
Nice summary…the removal of the ribbon didn’t have the expected result. Definite pivot point.
And then the description of the items in the waste basket making a cozy place for their romance. That was another plot point I didn’t see coming. Really great story telling.
I liked the play on Happily Ever After…”there was a pollen-petal ending after all.” Cute!
Story could have ended there and been successful but you rounded it out with how the big brother’s date went. Linking back to the beginning.
I really enjoyed this story. It was a winner to me.
I see you met all the prompts perfectly.
Keep writing. You are really clever.
What a character study! 4 guys, 4 distinct but right-on ‘teen characters.’
The setting and topic matched. Only someone that has some band or music experience could have written your story. I was impressed.
Those boys: So recognizable and realistic I was enthralled right to the end.
Such typical egos and fighting at that age. Finding their place in the world.
Fragile but physically strong. Men of the future finding their way.
You made me see that in your characters.
You kept the story in-line to what it takes to have friends, competing with each other but not.
You showed clearly how groups have to cooperate to survive. You did a great job at showing how the group soothed the ‘injured’ and let him save face with a good compromise. Wish all peoples could manage that.
Of course, being a great grandma several times over, I identified with the mother.
And now with Old Man Jones…I am that character.
I read your Author notes and you nailed the prompt as well.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed every word of your story.
This story was so full. I couldn’t believe you did it in under 600 words.
I liked that while you had a guy actually physically positioned to commit suicide, the tone wasn’t morose. You gave me the sensation that this man was simply ready to take an action.
In just a few sentences you told the story: dead child, 35th birthday, drunk and sad.
I particularly liked that you told me he probably wasn’t going to jump. The water would be cold. When people are profoundly sad, especially in grief, their reasons and thoughts are very child-like. You caught that vibe.
Then the cat. Made me laugh the way it kept kneading his chest. I could feel that.
You made me feel apprehensive that he and the cat might hit that cold water accidentally.
The way he protected the cat from danger and the way he cradled her, enduring the pain made me think he was probably a good father. He was used to handling a smaller, fragile thing. He understood when his harsh voice terrified the cat. There are father qualifies. I think the cat was a comfort to him. This was well done. You had a theme relating to why he was on the bridge: his arms were empty and the cat filled them.
The stats about the bridge were intriguing. I liked the sentences: jumping from darkness into darkness, and feeling the moon on his skin.
And he is right. What a funny thing life is. We are here for such a short time, we can end it if we want to, his little girl’s life was over, but he and the cat still had life. He took the life home and named it hope. Great ending.
Normally I start off my reviews with Hey…(Name) but I think I finally figured out that might be the sound you were referring to as the Horse Noise. So I will refrain and just dive right in.
Found this story on the Read a Newbie sidebar on the right of my home page.
Not a fan of the theater; I wasn’t sure I would enjoy reading about an actress but you totally aced this story.
I was absorbed immediately into this character. She was not pretentious. In fact just the opposite and I liked her. Maybe because she was just as skeptical of her experience as I was. What a strange way to be drawn into a story. But there it is.
The dialogue was outstanding. I could see it happening. The fumbling of those conducting the audition was realistic and believable.
The audition dialogue was interesting and held my attention. You surprised me with her reaction. And then again with the reaction of the director. Molly and I were both saying, “really”?
I enjoyed how you called out Dennis as a schmuck. I liked her assessment of him. And of course he immediately hits on her. I liked…”which left him with a really negative rating”.
Then you surprised me again when the story didn’t progress down the expected lines to an amazing performance where according to your title, I would discover The Secret of her Bloom.
Nope, the schmuck took all the power, made it about himself and threw her back into the unemployment line. I really felt for her.
Then he turns into a semi-stalker, blathers on all about himself, but makes sure to blame her…””Man, you’re a lot of work”. This guy’s whole character is spot-on and his type is what drives females to rage. Which you portrayed brilliantly. Great show of her anger. I even considered that maybe this was the title’s meaning.
Then she went, not to her GP, but to a gynecologist. Pregnant? You didn’t definitively answer this. Made it an interesting aside to the story. Left it open, was the bloom: rage or pregnancy?
Then you began to play with the title:
A cactus (prickly) dying.
In the doctor’s office she wants to take cutting and start a new cactus.
I think this is symbolic of what she feels about her life.
She goes to sleep before the explanation comes on the TV of…”how to propagate roses.”
Makes me think of The Bloom linked to Roses instead of Cactus.
Almost poetic in it’s merging of symbolic thought.
The only thing that I noticed was… the play was written by a Dentist (got that…this was a hurtful experience), and maybe Dennis was so named as a subconscious reminder of ‘pain’. But if that wasn’t your goal, maybe give him another name?
I obviously very much enjoyed your story. i am just a hobby writer myself and have no creds for critique. Just my personal opinion. I looked at your portfolio and was pleased to see many stories. Keep writing and welcome to the site.
I really liked your story. Your characters were so very real and relatable. Even their names, Jack and Sally made me feel right at home with the story and made me want to read about these two people. Even the title was intriguing. My first thought was, “In a Washing Machine maybe?” That’s where I have seemed to spend a lot of my time.
You integrated so many tangible moments into their relationship. In fact you started out with one of their personal marriage rituals and established right away their loving relationship…”an intense, intimate conversation they invariable ended up kissing.” Followed immediately by “But Sally was dead.” That was a punch to the gut opening and very well written.
His immediate skepticism of the person he is speaking to is well portrayed and very believable.
When he reviewed in his mind not only how much he missed her even to the point of letting his grooming go was authentic; he also reviewed the actual memory of physically watching men shovel dirt on her coffin. This is a man with an analytical mind. Then he tears up. A real person. You made me really like this guy.
He continues to use every avenue he can think of from interrogating her to trying to figure out how the machine could have come by it’s in-depth personal knowledge. He is aware of all the places the machine could have gotten her info and made this pitch to him.
You did a good job of exploring how a rational man would have approached his problem and showed that he knows his way around the life that most people now live on computers. Including diaries, pictures, and many other ways we reveal ourselves online.
Then the magic words come…I need some money.
And he knows. He continues to talk to her, he can’t give up hope yet. If a simple subscription will give him back his wife in any form, he will pay it.
Nice touch here that you showed he is still emotionally involved. Humanized him. Well done.
Next you showed that he is getting suspicious that this is a good old-fashioned sales pitch.
Rounding out your story and getting ready for the finale, you have your character set up a ‘test’. I read the prompt and it talked about the Turing test. You very cleverly followed the prompt. He had to prove to himself he was speaking to his dead wife and not to a sales bot.
The test you set up was believable and charming.
And he is very pragmatic.
He got the wrong answer.
He shrugged and closed the chat.
This was not his wife…
I could feel his disappointment although I the reader and your character knew this was coming, you created a space for sadness. And left the story there.
Very well done.
I can see why it won. Great writing. Thanks for sharing.
I like where the ‘R’s’ took you.
My favorite Lines were in the second stanza, the first and third line They roll off both the thoughts and tongue in rhythm , like love itself.
A sensation of beauty mixed with hope, rolled up in a hug and warmth.
Thanks for the R sounds. Isn’t language beautiful?
Will be interesting to see what you come up with when you hit X and Z. *smile*
Don’t know how I found this. Maybe it was in the “By Online Authors”. Not sure. But I found it fascinating. I have always loved poems that sound lyrical but didn’t know it had a name and a type.
After reading this, I googled the style and found lots of info. I am not qualified to even speak about this ‘essay’? But want to thank you for providing me with today’s research. This steers me in the right direction of something I have alway ‘felt’ but didn’t understand. Your article said what I always suspected about words of songs. There is something different about those. Your article caught me in the first line.
I dropped in to your notebook planning on leaving you a note because I definitely am not qualified to make this review…only tantalized.
On your notebook I learned you are saving gp’s towards a Premium. I didn’t know that could be done, but I wanted to send you some for the joy I know I am going to get today from this essay and found there was no way to send you any in the notebook section. Wow, that was a run-on sentence. Hope it made sense.
So I am using this way to say how much I appreciate what you have written. Hope you make your goal in time.
You have expressed what in my opinion every human thinks about from time to time. You mention pimples which places the story’s POV from the teen to young adulthood era of life’s journey. That came at the end so the essay made more sense.
I liked the many intelligent questions followed by mostly more questions and no real answers. You expressed well the angst of life. Something we all experience. You talked about fairness and about your feelings…saying, “I feel…followed by a list of adjectives. That was interesting.
The ending landed where deep introspection usually lands…no answers. This leads to the common experience of lack of agency to do anything about anything, because you described it as having no ‘legs.’ That is a very apt description.
My only criticism would be the format of block writing. It was difficult to keep my mind focused without any natural breaks.
I would call this writing an essay but it would make a good free verse poem with appropriate breaks.
Keep writing and expressing yourself. You used the genre biographical so I am assuming these are your own personal thoughts. We all have to find our own legs in this unknown world.
I am confident you will make the journey successfully. Welcome to this site.
I was attracted to this story because of the title and the word ‘conformity’ in the sub-title. And then her name completely ‘not’ matching the photo. Nothing Lacey about that girl.
You gave me a picture of her life at 15 before and after the ‘move’.
Her locality has become more restrictive and her mother’s values and life-choices when she was the same age are a constant dirge in her ear.
I like the way the story didn’t devolve into a verbal fight between the two females and two generations.
Lacey seems to think her rebel thoughts without hostility. Just a very profound knowledge of who she is.
I notice that this story was written with a specific framework of GoT in mind. Knowing that, I got the vague feeling that perhaps in the closing lines you were telling me that this family life was a type of matrix that she was working herself out of..I don’t know much about these modern things; Game of Thrones and Matrix, so I am probably mixing up the ‘reality’.
But you painted a perfect picture of your title ‘Living Truth.
It can be read either way.
She is the embodiment of ‘A’ living truth: generational division. But also she is ‘living’ her truth: as her own person in her reality.
The writing was clear and easy to read. The words and ideas were smooth with a feeling of clarity and purpose. Nicely done.
I enjoyed this story. Thanks for sharing.
This was such an interesting and insightful story I couldn’t help but give it an official review. These are just my random thoughts as I read. I don’t have any idea how to review. Here is what I am thinking.
Rosie is self-conscious about drawing any attention to herself. She is in sharp contrast to Emma, the BlueJay, who is always loud and obnoxious. Rosie even second guesses herself about sharing her hurt feelings with Petal. Rosie thinks she may be the selfish one.
Then you use the Tree Characters (Love and Compassion) to help decide if Rosie is being too sensitive and if not, why is the BlueJay so unaware of her rudeness?
You covered many of the reasons, giving BlueJay lots of excuses.
Even turning it all around so Rosie can take back some control (not be a victim) by using it as an opportunity for her own self-improvement in the skill of listening.
This was insightful and helpful if Rosie can’t escape the situation. But you did a good job of advising Rosie she can be strong and point out to BlueJay she is being a conversation hog. This will probably not be well-received and if it isn’t….
I would suggest you could add ‘boundaries’ in this paragraph. Boundaries like….Rose could act loud and rude also…drawing the conversation back to her own projects. Raise her voice slightly in an argumentative style too…interrupt often. Fidget and act uninterested when BlueJay is speaking. Get up and make a pot of tea in the middle of the visit, turning her back on BlueJay, ignoring what she is saying. Frustrate BlueJay. Make the visit uncomfortable for BlueJay.
These are teaching tools that speak louder than words. You could explore how this will be very uncomfortable for Rosie but it can be practiced as a skill. And it is a skill. I think Love could do the speaking here…She could say things like: Tough Love is compassionate. Compassion will agree.
These are just my crazy ideas to add fodder to your story…it’s your story…Rosie is your character…keep her true to herself.
Your ending does summarize your story well. Rosie and Petal are smart enough to seek new friends if BlueJay can’t learn a new skill. Never hurts to have a variety of friends.
So glad I found this on the Newsfeed this morning. Talk about gratitude! You covered so many ways in so many locations and in verse no less. I can barely make that list you suggested.
Read it twice and smiled and laughed 10x plus.
“Let the Whole World Know” reminded me of an old song and set the mood. Okay we are going to sing as the title suggested.
“As the world turns” reminded me of an old TV soap opera but also of how insignificant we truly are. Therefore you encouraged the use of words to “Thank, Be Frank, without Disgrace.” Because the world just keeps turning, no matter what our responses. So use our words well with the “Time” we have.
Then you tell me to “open my ears for some good advice.” the advice is to “remember the good times” stored in my memory. Implied is to forget the bad and just sing about the good.
Then make a list (I’m good at this one)…but this list is going to be all the kindnesses I have received from family or friends, living or dead. Don’t think I have ever done that.
Then a locale…a charming farm. That conjures lots of memories. Even those raised in the city can see you are talking about the family home. Feel the beat, feel the heat, use my own adult confidence to see they were only fragile people. No need to be “Mad at Dad.” Or Mom or Siblings. All of us are fragile, doing the best we can with what we have.
Ohhhh…and then we get to the real laughs. “Do your jiggle, find your wiggle.” For some of us that is all we have left. Stir up the “real emotions” and you will find “the right devotion.”
I read the last few sentences to mean the marriage “You won’t end, because ‘we’ are going to Mend.” But could also be a reference to the entire poem of singing out our gratitude which will make us all mend.
As you can see I enjoyed this poem very much. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. This site is a big space and good things can get lost. I’m glad this one did not.
Nice character development. Darlene is not only NOT a real fortune teller but she is a jaded fake.
You portrayed her as bored but kind. Accepting of her lot in life until she finds something else. I liked that you didn’t make her sound bitter. You kept it light hearted.
She was clever in her dialogues with the young boy. Such a surly little guy besides. But she handled it well. I wondered how much of the boy’s dialogue was the ball trying to communicate with Darlene. But this was a look-back at the end of the story. I love it when I need a look-back. Means there was a subtext I missed.
Her relationships with her co-workers revealed a normal young woman, without any personal hostilities. Forgiving the fat man for not watching her stuff as promised.
The essence of the story was her disrespect for the ‘ball’, which you conveyed effectively during the first half of the story. And which, surprisingly, the boy kept harping on….that she didn’t really believe in magic. Children do tend to sense our true motives even when we try to hide them.
Then you gave the power to the boy because of his belief in magic which created a full circle story.
This led to the fulfillment of Darlene’s fortune-telling that he would find something of value and return it to the owner with reluctance. So the ball was reading the boy’s fortune from the very beginning. Darlene just didn’t realize it.
I enjoyed the setting, the story and the dialogue. They were all cohesive.
I found this story while reading the May issue of Short Stories Newsletter. An except was used as a Character sample and the story sounded intriguing. It was !
This story is hilarious. Even competent spies can get fooled and by children, no less.
She lost her target while chasing a child’s clue! She should have been suspicious when she discovered the encryption was so simple. Nice touch on your part.
How you worked a barbershop into the story to include the ‘hair’ prompt is more of your twisty use of the prompt words. I really enjoy your creativity with the prompts.
And the note was so solicitous. Made me laugh. That kid was so protective of his envelope and aggravated with this adult. I could just picture his stance. Nice word picture.
Wonder how the Special Agent explained how she lost her target. Doubt he was still there when she returned.
The whole story is humorous and entertaining. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed it.
April Fool jokes are usually harsh and unkind. So this was refreshing. The joke was not played against another person but for the benefit of a child.
Most of us do remember the first time (we think) we have discovered the ‘all-wise-ones’ are confused and comical. Yes at about five or six.
It gives children probably their first taste of power and empathy with the care givers. You expressed it as ‘immense pleasure’ and I like those words. I remember wanting to help my elders regain their wisdom. I was slightly embarrassed for them as well as proud of my own new wisdom.
When the child in your poem became old, he graciously performed this ‘foolish’ act for those who have no family from which to learn.
Then he meets Rosy. I love the way you expressed her immense pleasure as a feeling of being ‘adored’. The old man’s performance was so good she could give her emotion a name. She felt adored.
But then she asks him the unanswerable question. He does feel foolish and sad that he cannot give her the answer she wishes to hear. He was left speechless. A difficult thing for an adult to endure.
You did a great job in fulfilling the prompt requirements. And thank you for including them as a note to your story. They were:
What do you plan to do? Your story gave a setting and an action.
How do you feel about it? At first joy, then sadness, then embarrassment. You hit a lot of emotions in this story.
Use words to show emotions: ‘I feel her pain’…’I became a real fool.’ She cries. She begs to be adored again.
This poem is full of emotions and very poignant. Thank you for sharing.
Can’t pass up a review on this one. Very first sentence you are thinking out-side of the box, getting the first prompt word out of the way by ‘landing’ a plane instead of talking about a piece of Mother Earth. Well-done.
Then the fun begins with the names. He Lies. Mak’in It Upp is a six-time Pulitzer Prize winner.
The second prompt is used as a denial, not an actual crime and the third prompt is used as a verbal action not a contractual agreement.
I liked the words ‘barnyard based anecdotes’ and the baby goat as a child tax credit. Hilarious.
Then the FRAUD group and what it stands for. What fun you must have in that brain of yours. I’m still laughing.
Everything in the book ‘approaches’ the unbridled truth, and the avoidance of estate taxes by a spelling change. Reminds me of stand-up comedy material…a slight pause before you pile on the next sub-text joke.
This was so much fun to read. Thank you for sharing.
So glad I found this poem. What an inspiration !!!
It might be talking about crows, but made me want to get up and ‘eat’ that dawn !!! What a great word applied right in the first line.
An ‘awesome’ thing indeed. Another day to look for ‘shiny things’. Gave me a jolt of ‘let’s go, let’s do this,’ like you said, ‘breakfast in bed…Never’. This whole stanza gave me a burst of enthusiasm.
Grab a quick bite, enjoy it, use the energy to start the flight, now….‘beginning to glide’ made me feel that ‘flow’ of a day that is going good…’where we going no one knowing’. Who cares, a sense of freedom. A ‘twirl’ gives me visions of myself twirling across the sky, above the mundane world. I’m right there with them. I love those kind of days.
A ‘flight of fancy’…perfect description…made me glow inside and smile. Your poem has put me right into this ‘exploration’ and Oh, opps, we lost Clancy. No worries, he’ll come back. Was probably taking one of those shiny things back to his nest.
He’ll join us for lunch.
Thank you for all the smiles and joy this poem engendered. This is what poetry is for and you accomplished it in spades. Thank you.
Great Poem. It says so much of the truth.
I liked the section about school days.
The act of writing out the teacher’s question has disappeared with the advent of the computer. The question is read, not written through the fingers of the student. I wonder how much this dilutes the student’s perception of what the answer should be?
When you talked about ‘feeling the wood’, I remembered the classroom where students went to the sharpener attached to the wall and filled the air with ‘new wood’ smell. This is gone now. That smell and that ASMR sound was somehow soothing and placed the mind in that realm of ‘contemplation’ you mentioned in the first stanza, waiting for the ‘muse’ or the ‘answer’.
Strange but I remember the ‘quiet’ that fell over the classroom, the shuffling of feet, the grind of the sharpener. All those students actually ‘thinking’. No ear buds.
Then, I had to laugh at the tongue-in-cheek last line…’missing the original point.’ Always sharpening that pencil.
Thanks for sharing…brought back many good memories which is the value of good poetry.
You did a good job of keeping the reader in the dark for just the right amount of time. As a reader, while I love quirk endings, this timing felt just right. You let me in on the secret earlier than usual, but the story was still impactful.
The family setting had a ‘mood’ of love and harmony. This mom will be missed, but ‘death’ (un-named) told her to trust him…They were going to be okay.
You painted a picture of a stable husband and loved children who will make it through.
Although she was offered no proof, her proof was the good job she had done as a mother and wife.
I liked that her after-life was not involved in the story. Just the living family was the focus of your story. Nicely done.
You did it again. Such a heartwarming story. You are very good at writing relationships between people.
I admired how many perfect adjectives you squeezed into so few words. The flow was so readable and the entire story had a romance about it. And the premise that adventures aren’t free but worth it, was woven in very well at the end.
That must of have been some walk you went on today. Did you have a grand adventure? You are obviously the winner, but since you didn’t have any competition, I decided to toss my hat in the ring anyway.
The mind of a writer always full of curiosity. And where better to people watch for imponderables than a shopping mall.
Some of my favorites were The Pierced Pagoda Lady whose ears were not pierced. Umm…I’m with you. Don’t think I would trust her to pierce mine. But even if they didn’t provide that service, makes you wonder why she was hired to sell pierced earrings. Can’t tell her customers about the weight nor demonstrate.
Same with the Lingerie clerk. Does she really have lots of personal testimony stories to impart? Which panties are the most comfortable…etc.
I have often wondered about Beauticians myself. My guess is they do their own, especially if it involves coloring or other chemicals. They are aware of the risks.
The best one was “where did the old lady get the shopping cart”?? I always wanted one of those to lean on as well as tote my packages, but usually settled for renting one of their baby strollers instead.
Speaking of which I’ll bet that baby only sleeps while riding. Mom was smart to entertain herself since she wasn’t going to get any sleep anyway. That one I kinda have an answer for. *smile*
This entire topic is very creative.
All of your imponderable questions were on target and the consistent intro of the character followed by the question mark of observation led to a sing-song rhythm that was appealing.
I don’t know much about the structure of poems, but this one was very clear. It was fun to read. Thanks for sharing.
Nice Poem
It was like reading about my own days.
Whatever life brings, that’s my day.
Had to laugh at the ‘Crapshoot’ line.
It certainly is.
It has been one hella of a ride so far.
Wouldn’t have wanted to miss any of it.
Love how the title speaks to the first and last line.
Each line starts with ‘Your’ or ‘You’ keeping the subject in focus, never deviating, much like the person being described.
I liked the line: “your spoken and unspoken words” So true in a marriage. Always an undercurrent exists.
The poem encapsulates many qualities of true love as seen by the lover.
This could be turned into lyrics for a song. I enjoyed reading such joy and confidence in another person. Today’s society does not trust that much, even in our families. Well done. Thanks for sharing.
Hey KS23, Just had to respond to this story. I found it in your portfolio after reviewing Old Songs and enjoying that story so much. I just picked this one at random and was not disappointed.
The opening was just narrative but so interesting I was never bored. You have an extensive knowledge of ‘rescue’ skills and explained it in your story as military background.
The story was so interesting I was just enjoying it all, got to the end and then realized I didn’t understand the title. There was no rescue…no ending ?? I thought the Title was going to mean he was going to save himself and abandon the others. As readable and delightful as the story was, I didn’t get it. But then…
Took a re-read to realize how subtle and clever you are. Let’s see…umm…a 71 year old guy stranded on an island with a bunch of women. No men.
Glad you singled out the teens as being the young kids and he spoke to them gently as the little ones. This was woven in quite expertly speaking to his non-interest in the children, other than their well fare which he was leaving to the woman who they seemed to have adopted as a substitute for their probably dead mother.
Among the adults, there are blonds and brunettes (Jeff Noted)…they were all on a cruise ship…so mature women, probably good intelligent company. And he is their only source of safety and their knight in shining armor. Oh my, don’t think he wants to be rescued any time soon. LOL. Don’t think he will say No either.
Well done ! Made me giggle.
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