A well written, nostalgic piece of work. Though I feel I would have to see more to really understand the context and why you wrote it. I suspect your footnote says it all, read on for more info; something I'll hopefully get around to soon.
I think I spotted some typos, they are brought out by capitals and brackets:
"“How soon Mr. Williamson?” Asked Mrs. Bradley the oldest of the bunch and having the least amount of patience. Her husband’s position on the (B)ank’s Board of Director(NO NEED FOR THE APOSTROPHE)s overflowed onto her position on the truck, like a heavy refrigerator, she was the last one on and always the first one off."
"During the hour Bill sold two potted house plants, a set of orange Fiesta ware dishes, a record of ‘The Music Goes Round ‘N Round(') to an eight year-old little girl who insisted on playing it repeatedly, and several beds and dressers."
As ever, just suggestions. Please check out my portfolio and comment at will.
A bad day indeed! But I do know all too well where you're coming from, I'm sometimes not sure if people really understand that sometimes isn't as glamorous as the media would think. Sometimes, it's downright objectionable! But
Ours is not to reason why
Ours is just to do and die!
I love this poem! Writing.com has really opened my eyes to a new world of writing and dreams, and this poem is truly a wonderful one. My hearty congratulations, this is going on my Favorites list.
So what was the idea your drama teacher had that lead to this poem? I did enjoy it, the feeling of teenage rebellion is rife throughout the verse. The non-apologetic nature of youth, the brashness and the want to do things against better advice all come through and shine. I enjoyed this poem, though being an old git, I can't help thinking "Kids today!?" :o))
Please check out my portfolio and tell me what you think.
It always crosses my mind that I seem to have been here before. However, I wonder if the National Geographic channel is mostly responsible for my deja vus!
I can't help thinking the line spacing detracts from what would be a pacey, well flowing poem. Did you space your lines deliberately for a reason?
The knife motif runs strongly through your work, does this reflect your thoughts/life? You certainly know how to keep a reader hooked to the next line, I think the rhythm of your poem is excellent. However, I do think this breaks down somewhat on your final line. Could another ending be:
Wow, what a poem! You can feel the angst and grief of the protagonist. In many ways, this poem is almost too dark for me; I have been on Writing.com for 6 days now, and have yet to find an upbeat, comedy poem. Does this show the general emotion of the Western World at the moment? Is the weight of World events starting to affect the population as a whole? Even my own portfolio does not have a comedy poem in it.
I feel like a real pendant for saying this, but shouldn't the apostrophe in "Lovers'" be in front of the "s"? At the moment it suggests the idea of multiple lovers, when in fact the "a" means it is only the caress of one lover; therefore, "Lover's" would be more accurate.
Really good work, you've spurred me one to do more writing, thank you.
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