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Review of The passage  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That is sort of hard to understand, I had to read it a couple times *Smile*. I like it for that reason.

You may want to work on your punctuation to make it a little bit more clear. Maybe hit enter twice after each paragraph, little things like that. But I hope you don't change the story at all.
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