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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mamacitanaz
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17 Public Reviews Given
17 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I always start off my reviews with compliments and telling the authors what I like about their pieces of writing. Once I've done that I delve into it a little further offering improvements and tips - always in a friendly manner, not scathing! I try to leave the review on a positive note!
I'm good at...
Looking a the writing in a technical way. As I am currently studying a writing course, I can offer advice on writing technically, dialogues, scenes and plot development. I also have a great imagination so good at offering more descriptive words and phrases that could enhance your writing.
Favorite Genres
I like mysteries, paranormal, crime
Least Favorite Genres
romance, fantasy
Favorite Item Types
short stories, novels etc
Least Favorite Item Types
poetry
I will not review...
unfortunately, I will not review poetry.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Tommy  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I really like your opening sentence. To me it immediately sets the scene. My imagination made me think that it was night time, even though you didn't mention it throughout the scene. Good Job in invoking imagination!

"A truck’s tires splashed next to him, making him jump, hand guarding his pocket. The vial tucked into that pocket seemed much heavier now than it did when he filled it." I don't think that this sentence is actually needed here. You want the reader to know about the vial so how about mentioning it here: "Tom swallowed hard and entered the rusted elevator, pressing the button for the top floor". What if you said "Tom swallowed hard while clutching the vial in his pocket as he entered the rusted elevator?". What do you think?

Grammar is great. Technically I felt as though the piece didn't flow well to read, to me it stops and starts. I think that this may be because your piece is in sentences rather than paragraphs if you know what I mean.

I try in my writing to not use the same words or phrases in the same sentences e.g. "He remembered how they had met...He remembered the way her eyes shone, the way she moved..."

Show the reader Tom remembering by "He thought back to how they had first met" "He had been completely mesmerized by her. Her eyes shone, the way she moved...

I really enjoyed your tale, I wish I could know more about the demon, why she is there, what the connection is between them. What happened to the infant who's blood was taken? What is it about the cinnamon smell that makes Tom go weak in the knees? You've left a lot of unanswered questions which could easily go on to create an intriguing tale.

Please remember that this is just an opinion - I hope I have managed to help you. I really enjoyed that! Keep writing :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I really enjoyed this short scene. I was a little confused as to who was speaking at first, but as I read further I understood.

I like the idea of this man going to a bench to sit and connect with his deceased wife but I got lost a little in the conversation:

They are wonderful! Thank you. I will just keep them here with me, all right?
-Yessss…So tell me, what have you been doing except of looking for me?
- I was just walking around. Autumn seems to appear earlier this year, did you notice? Trees are becoming golden, wind is cool despite of sunny days.
- Even though I’m hoping to see you. Because I will be coming here even when winter comes.

When I read this section I first thought that the husband gave some flowers, but from 'I was just walking....to 'even though I'm hoping' I lost the thread of who was talking.

I think you could expand on this more by telling the reader if it was a special place the two of them used to come to, describing the scene more.

I like that you open the scene with a conversation as it immediately pushing me to imagine the scene and very quickly I realised that a character was deceased. When it comes to dialogue it can be quite tricky to differentiate between who is talking so be careful when starting dialogue this way. If you set it up at the beginning to who is talking clearly then your readers can follow it.

Remember this is just an opinion x


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Dixon Night  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
A good read..

while reading this piece I could picture the character Gabe in his fedora hat and long rain coat almost putting him a 'private dick' film noir era. I could hear the sultry music and the drawl of speech between the two brothers and I think it would have been great if you could have continued in this way.

For me, the piece kind of lost that thread when he discovers the body in the alley. The flashlight is only mentioned once in the piece and I think that it should have been used again to show maybe how long the alley was or how far the body was from where the suspect stepped in the mud etc. How could you find the footstep or the bucket without using the flashlight again?

You could say at that point as soon as they thought they found a footstep/bucket their path was illuminated suddenly by the arrival of the police.

I would have liked Gabe to have been a private eye and assist his friend Mick other than disappearing

A pleasant read though, and remember this is only my take :)
4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I felt compelled to read your story as I have a little affinity with this tale. You see I come from a broken home where my father abused my mother. I have to point out that although your character is very brave in protecting his mother like that, realistically when you are really in that position its not so easy to think on your feet when you are scared.

You dont really say how Carter feels about the situation, whether he is angry or upset, worried or scared. I see what you are trying to do and I suggest that you try and add a little more emotion to the situation to make it seem more real.
5
5
Review of start of a story  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm intrigued by this and would like to read more if you expand on it. I think you set the scene quite well as I had a good picture built up in my mind about the guards sleeping and Alan sitting on his own looking across the desert. I like the description of the figures shimmering in the distance, i think it would work better if you also said something like the light of the moon caused them to shimmer, or 'faint whispers could be heard carried across a breeze, you know just to add to the atmosphere and make it sound more creepy.

I liked it, more please!
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mamacitanaz