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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mandolynrain
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2 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Just Say Maybe  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandolynrain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
First things first - go back through and fix your speeling and grammatical errors. The feeling is there but some places you lost me in trying to be over descriptive or in places redundant (i.e. raven black nightsky tresses) The flow is a bit jumpy, not smooth. I had to read it a few times to get past the metaphors to understand parts. Don't get me wrong though. I am not saying it is badly written. My suggestion would be to go through it again -- get the emotions and "heart" of what you are trying to say and draft it simply then add the descriptives. (What I always do is get it out pure and simple, then beef it up with eloquence) Keep the phrases that really strike your chords and build from there. Would love to read the edit/slight re-write! Keep going! Don't give up!

Hope I wasn't too harsh. And keep in mind, it's only my opinion.
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Review of Just Another Case  Open in new Window.
Review by Mandolynrain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
In my opinion, I thought it to be well written. In the right market, it would be publishable. You may want to try telling a little more background or beef it up a bit, if you are wanting to do a short story feature. Flow was good. Stirred some emotion in me, which is always good in writing. I would spruce it up and send it on! Hope I helped! Good luck!!
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